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« March 2006 |
Main
| May 2006 »
Chuck E. Cheese creeps me out a little bit.
I don't just mean the guy (or gal) in the suit. The whole thing seems like a Disney experiment gone horribly wrong. I mention all of this because the kids love visiting Mr. Cheese, and so Saturday as a reward for completing their year of home schooling (Connor is three assignments away from being done, and loves homeschooling so much he's working as slowly as possible to prolong the enjoyment) we went down to the Great Metropolis of Altoona and the house of Cheese.
I know it seems innoculous enough: kids get tokens to play games, and in doing so earn tickets they can cash in for Valuable Prizes. I bought a dinner package, which was four drinks and a large pizza with extra tokens. I elected to get the Super Saver Package&trade, which included over 100 tokens for only $215 dollars. Fortunately I had a credit card with me.
So while we ate our pizza the kids were trying to find the game that paid out the most tickets. This took Connor about 4 minutes. He found a game that would pay out 19 tickets on average. So our visit involved me handing out ten tokens at a time (you have to make these things last, you know) and then having the kids run out to the games and then back again with a fistful of tickets. (Hey I saw that movie! That Clint Eastwood is crazy.)
Meanwhile we sat in the area with the audio animatronics - a "band" that would whir to life every ten minutes or so. There would be bad jokes, and a song or too, and then the lights would turn up and the band would wind down, like air slowly leaking from a balloon. Or Frosty melting after his hat was removed. Or like Hal getting shutdown. Or, well, you get the idea. And after taking a short break they would stir to life again and start the whole thing over.
After the kids had spent all of the tokens we had to fight two more battles: the "Counting Your Tickets in the Ticket-Counting Machine" battle, and the "Shopping Battle." The former went much better, as the parents could control how fast the tickets were fed in the machine. Even at 1,000 tickets it didn't take too long. But the latter was grim. The kids now had 500 tickets to spend on whatever their heart desired, as long as the suggested manufacturer's retail price was under 75 cents. While the kids were looking at the whoopie cushions, stickers and plastic slinkys, I was calculating what kind of things we could have bought if we would have just gone directly to Wal-Mart. It was grim, but then again what about the fun! The thrill of the hunt! Hitting it big on some arcade machine and seeing all of those tickets spit out!
I think next year after home schooling we'll go somewhere more normal; maybe Vegas.
Who knew mowing your grass could be so expensive?
Apparently that's the approximate cost of William Mathew Rupp's "reckless mowing." Rupp was warned three times not to mow his lawn because of extremely hot and dry conditions. (It was reportedly 106 degrees when he mowed.) The blade of his lawn mower hit a rock, which caused a spark that grew into a fire that destroyed 80 homes and cost $7 million in property loss, $7.5 million in damage to timber, and $10 million in fight-fighting.
Rupp was sentenced to four years in prison.
The question I have, which is not covered in any of the articles I've seen, is "Who mows their lawn when it's 106 degrees?" Granted, we all hate to have tall grass, but if I have ANY excuse not to mow I'm all over it. And 106 degrees would count for at least three excuses, maybe four. Toss in drought conditions and I'm sitting in my air-conditioned house having a lemonade, not out riding around on my mower.
Mala actually means "garland of flowers" in Bengali. Although, my Bengali is a little rusty. It definitely means either "garland of flowers" or "a dozen jelly donuts." One or the other.
AccuWeather has a nice sat shot and write up in our hurricane center.
Today is the anniversary of the sinking of the steamboat Sultana on April 27, 1865. Although most people are not familiar with the Sultana it is officially the worst maritime disaster in U.S. history. While the death toll is not exactly known, according to Wikipedia U.S. Customs Service estimates put the dead at 1,547. (1,517 died died on the Titanic.) The Sultana had 2,300 people on board; she was registered to carry 376.
A poorly repair boiled is thought to have caused the explosion. However, conspiracy theories existed even in the 1800s and there are reports that Robert Louden confessed on his death bed that he had sabotaged the Sultana. This is given some credence as the bulk of the Sultana's passengers were released Union soldiers returning to the north, and Louden was a Confederate agent with opportunity, means and motive to bring down the ship.
Surprisingly the news of the Sultana was somewhat buried and unreported. Surprising until you realize that the April 27th sinking was overshadowed by the April 9th surrender of Lee at Appomattox, the April 14th assassination of Lincoln (he died the morning of the 15th) and the April 26th killing of Lincoln's assassin, John Wilkes Booth.
Here's an interesting public release a professor of the University of Bonn. It says that the last century in Pakistan was extremely wet, particularly when compared to other centuries which were, presumably, not as wet. How do they know this? Well, it turns out that Juniper Trees live an extremely long time, and when asked politely they'll tell you about the rainfall going back at least 1,000 years. Okay they can't really talk, I made that up. What the scientists did was examine the isotopes in their annual rings. If that sounds painful I am right there with you. Once my doctor tried to examine the isotopes in MY annual rings and I said "Whoa!" Thankfully he stopped.
So what do the rings show? It turns out when the Juniper Tree is stressed its trunk grows less than when it is not stressed. This is exactly the opposite thing that I experience, as anytime I'm stressed my trunk actually grows more. Using this scientific approach, Very Smart People at Bonn were able to conclude that global warming is probably a reality.
Happy Junipers = Fat Rings = More Precipitation = Warmer Atmosphere = Global Warming (Probably)
I think I have that right.
Connor celebrated his 12th birthday today amid much fanfare. How he got to be twelve years old is beyond me. The really troubling thing is now that he's twelve, that means that I'm twelve years older than I was before he was born. I still remember that night well: there was a lot of screaming and yelling, a need for a great deal of medication as well as the classic breathing techniques. Tammy (who may or may not be an Alert Reader) on the other hand did really well.
Cassie showed a great deal of taste in the selection of a gift for her brother.
Not quite the category 5 monster she was. Article here. Good news for the cyclone-weary in Australia.
“Don't be too proud of this culinary terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a stomach is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”
I wanted to update everyone on Operation: WeatherCoup. It appears that I've run into a small snag as my funding has suddenly dried up. ("You bought WHAT?!?") I'm sure this is only a temporary setback, and I should be back on track recruiting the finest LEGO® Warriors available for my office coup any day now. At the moment I'm forced to build soldiers out of spare parts. Above you'll find the Sith Lord of Pizza, Darth Deep Dish. If the saber doesn't finish you, his pepperoni and anchovies definitely will...
Is done. Leave your comments here, as well as super powers you think I should be investigating.
That's the headline of this article, which tries to tell us that females are faster than males at timed tasks. However... it turns out that the article in question fails to mention a few important issues with the study.
First, the subject's time was measured from the beginning of the task to the end of the task, using very narrow definitions of each task. You'll see in a minute how this made a huge difference.
Second, the tasks chosen did demonstrate a female bias. I know this may be highly subjective. I'll present some of the tasks and let you, the Alert Reader, make your own decision. This is not an exhaustive list; just some of the things that stood out to me.
1. Brushing Teeth
Females: 5 minutes | Males: 2 hours
Normally you wouldn't see this sort of difference with such a simple task. However, the timing for all tasks ends automatically at 2 hours. It turns out that this task would not end unless the cap was put back on the toothpaste. As such, the men never technically completed their task, putting them 115 minutes behind the ladies.
2. Successfully Purchase "Tomato Paste" From The Grocery Store
Females: 10 minutes | Males: 1 hour 47 minutes
This was another fundamentally unfair task. Most men never got out of the grocery store, and in fact are still there milling around in the bread aisle, completely lost and unsure of what day it is. The few that did manage to locate "Tomato Paste" only did so after about an hour. In 82% of the cases where the male found the "Tomato Paste" it was because a store clerk eventually saw the lost male and directed them to the right location.
3. Apply Cream Rouge Make-up
Females: 51 seconds | Males: 2 hours
No male was willing to apply Cream Rouge Make-up, not even for science.
4. Watch a Television Program
Females: 1 hour | Males: 2 hours
Women were able to sit down, immediately select a program (usually American Idol) and watch it. Men, on the other hand, were physically unable to stay on any single program for more than nine minutes, and as such never completed the task. They did manage to watch parts of over ninety-four different programs. The longest any program was watched was a high-speed traffic chase in Los Angeles on FOXNews at 8 minutes, 12 seconds.
There's more, like calculating how many cups are in a quart, or replacing the roll of toilet paper, but I think you get the idea. Just remember - you never know how these studies are conducted...
I'm not sure why I chose that title. When I received the photo below from Alert Reader Jeff that phrase just popped in there. And really, since I know absolutely nothing about fish, I suppose that could be tuna even though it looks like a shark of some sort.
Jeff explained that he hooked "Monty" about eight miles offshore from Sanibel Island. He's 6' 7" long and weighed around 200 lbs. (The fish, not Jeff.) He fought for an hour and a half and towed them over two miles before he got in the boat. Not bad - I'm sure he made all of the other tuna proud.
On a somewhat related note, I've been to Sanibel before - absolutely gorgeous, and the shelling was awesome. It was, however, the site of the Great Schaad Burning, a story that will be told anytime Alert Reader Tammy, who may or may not be my wife, is within earshot of someone talking about sunscreen lotion, tanning, sun burn, the sun or being outside. I'll, um, save it for later.
Sanibel and Capitva Islands | Flash Earth Shot
The movie is coming. Some people are saying it's "too soon," while others are saying it's an important film and people need to see it. Where do you weigh in? Are you planning on seeing it? I think I'm going to pass; the actual events are still burned into my mind and it makes me ill just thinking about what probably went on in those planes.
Feel free to leave a comment about the movie, I'm curious to hear what people think.
What is $31.45?
A. The cost of attending a John Lennon seance
B. A Family Pass for seeing the Yeti Bigfoot in Malaysia
C. The price to fill Carl's Car with Gas
If you guessed C you would be correct! If you guessed A or B then you've probably been reading too many blogs. $31.45 is a record for me at the pump. Now, granted, my car was so low on gas I think I actually coasted into the station (fortunately it was at the bottom of a hill) but still! $31.45. That's just painful.
GasBuddy has an interesting map here. We've worked with them at AccuWeather for our website, and they have some neat stuff. I'm not sure how useful the map is (i.e. I won't be driving to Montana for gas anytime soon) but it's cool to see the country at a glance.
I know I should probably just drop this story, but I've gone this far so what the hey. Apparently word is out (as predicted) about what John Lennon (the dead one) said to TV seance crew. The show aired Monday night.
Apparently he said (and no, I'm not making this up) "Peace ... The Message is Peace."
Now I didn't see the show, but I would imagine that it's difficult to talk from the Great Beyond, and reception is poor. As such, it's entirely likely that he said something like this: "Piece ... I'm Missing a Piece ... of Pizza." This would be terrible news, as one of the things I'm looking forward to one day is eating all of the pizza I can, which would be a lot if you have an entire eternity to do it in. (This would also give you ample time to experiment with toppings.)
It's also possible he actually said: "Please ... The Dressage needs Greased." I confess, I have no idea what this would mean. I'm just saying it's a possibility.
Did anyone actually see this? You can leave a comment and do so anonymously - I mean, if you want to. No need to identify yourself.
I'm...well, speechless. Link. That 2006 Expedition Patch is as good as bought.
Apparently the Berita Harian newspaper in Malaysia claimed that a young Bigfoot has been captured by the Wildlife and National Parks Department near Kota Tinggi in Malaysia. You can read about it here. Of course, Malaysian Wildlife Officials (MWOs) are denying this. But really, if YOU caught a baby Bigfoot would you tell anyone? No. Exactly.
I was curious about this whole baby Bigfoot thing, so I did some research. These beasts are huge! Here's a size comparison:
As you can see, the baby Bigfoots (Bigfeet) are still quite impressive at 10' tall. More than a match for most MWOs, even the more wily ones. Still, a well placed tranquilizer dart or twenty could do the job.
So why am I so sure the MWOs actually bagged a baby Bigfoot? Well, this story from the New Straits Times Online talked about the Johor Government making it illegal to transport a Bigfoot out of state. Coincidence? Ha!
I really need to get out more. Maybe not to Mt. Rainier, the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone, but somewhere farther away than Wal-Mart.
Alert Reader Carol sent in these amazing photos of Yellowstone. About the second photo, below, she says:
We also had the privilege of seeing a newborn baby bison -- probably born Sat. morning. The baby was lying there when we went by the first time then was standing up a few hours later when we drove by again.
Go ahead, you can say it. Awwww.
Alert Reader and Hiker Marty sent in this picture of the Grand Canyon. You guys are out of control with the photos - thanks! I have a great view of a bank from my house. And there's a nice convenience store down the street.
Marty reports that it took 7 hours to hike down the canyon, and 11 to go back up...but down was harder.
Australia is having a tough season. Tropical Cyclone Monica, with winds gusting to 220 mph, is headed for Darwin. You can see the well-defined eye in this satellite snap:
Satellite Snap of Well-Defined Eye courtesy the Bureau of Meteorology
Does anyone know if Australia has antagonized the Japanese Mafia lately? Or is the J.M. just warming up the machine?
Links:
BoM Track Map
CNN article on Monica.
ABCNews Online article about evacuations.
Find the latest via Google News here.
AccuWeather.com's Hurricane Center has info here.
That's Cat Picture. Here's the Little Monster trying to look all cute and defenseless:
A little later in the evening she was running through the house at full gallop, looking for something to terrorize. Usually something without shoes and socks.
A huge thank you and kudos to Alert Reader Daniel who sent me this gorgeous shot of Mount Rainier recently:
You can learn more about Mount Rainier here at Wikipedia. And here's a nice shot from space courtesy Google Maps and Flash Earth (requires Flash.)
I wrote about this story back here and at the time I just titled the post "Today's Why?" and linked to the article.
Now comes word that the television seance to contact John Lennon was successful! Not only that, but he apparently had some things to say, which you can hear about for only $9.95. Of course, after the show airs the media will cover it, and you'll know what he said for free, but I can imagine the wait must be killing you. So I've used my Blog Super Powers™ (Blog Super Powers™ is trademarked by Blog Hero, Inc. All Rights Reserved) to get the inside scoop before the program airs.
Apparently, John said:
"I've told you never to call me here. Please take this number off your list."
So there you have it. What? No, I didn't make that up. Where did you get that idea?
Here's the latest news in case you're curious and/or you don't, for some strange reason, believe me.
Over the last few weeks I've been having vision problems again. This time, it's been problems seeing things close up. Grocery receipts, for example, have become impossible to read. If I hold things at a distance they clear up, but then things are too small to read. Trying to see how many carbs some particular food has is also impossible. Of course, if I take the glasses off I can see fine close up. This has resulted in a number of "comical" situations where I've had to look around, make sure the "coast is clear" and then lift the glasses to read something. (If someone sees me without my glasses my secert identity will be blown.)
I should pause here and interject that I think men who are bald or have their heads shaved really should NOT wear their sunglasses on the top of their heads. I mean, come on guys - just take them off. That looks weird.
Anyway, I've been concerned in a sort of Freaked Out Way, because over the last week the vision problem has been getting worse. I've noticed my chair getting farther from the computer screen, and reading with the glasses has been completely shot. I've been "Googling" my symptoms to find some sort of answer without any luck.
Then, on a total lark (a carefree or spirited adventure - not the bird) I hunted up my old glasses, which I had saved because I was convinced that my previous vision problems were caused by a bizarre medication side-effect. Of course, all of the doctors nodded and said "Mm-hmm" and scribbled notes in That Certain Way which told me they thought I was insane. In fact, I actually saw my chart and the doctor had written "Patient thinks vision problem is medication side effect. Nodded and said Mm-hmm. Patient is likely insane."
I found the glasses and put them on and took a look at a book (Dave Barry, natch) and - PRESTO! - clear as a bell. Then I looked around and my distance vision was clear too. My prescription had flipped back. How weird is that?
Now I have my old, round glasses back on (see photo at left) instead of the hip, cool rectangular glasses that I paid a small fortune for. I suppose I'll make an appointment Tuesday (the optometrist is out Monday) and confirm my new/old prescription. Maybe they can take the old lenses and put them in the new glasses. Then I can be hip AND see at the same time.
I don't think I've ever been so happy to read grocery receipts in my life.
I saw him last night. I know, to everyone else he just looked like a middle-aged man, about 5'6", thin and neatly dressed. But he wasn't human, no way.
I saw him at the grocery store. I had gone in to get a few "stomach relief" items and was waiting in the "U Scan" aisle. This is the aisle where you can use a kiosk to ring up your own items and then pay for them. I was directly behind this guy. He proceed to ring up his items about as slowly as is possible without looking like you're purposefully creating a delay. Pick up the package. Examine EVERY SINGLE SIDE for the bar code; find the bar code on the last side checked. Rub the barcode over the scanner Three Billion Times. Have the item finally ring up. Then start all over again.
At this point I had steeled myself for the delay. I was pacing myself...I felt that I would probably make it okay. And then he was finished and had to pay. Credit card? Nope. Debit card? Nope. Cash and CHANGE. I watched in disbelief as he started feeding nickels into the machine. I didn't even know you could DO that.
Well, finally it was over, and I prepared to check out. I had paced myself and my patience had just barely lasted. But then, unbelievably, I mean unbelievable like seeing Bigfoot returning shopping carts, he started ALL OVER AGAIN. He had, for some reason, two "orders." And yes, the same exact process, including paying with change at the end.
It was at that point that I realized what I was dealing with. This was clearly an alien scout sent to test the patience and mettle of the folks in State College, Pennsylvania in advance of the invading army. These field scouts are gathering intelligence on our society, commerce, delicious breakfast snacks, as well as our patience, strengths and weaknesses.
The rest of the army can't be far off now.
There's an interesting article in the New York Times here (may require free registration, I forget) about the strain Texans are feeling, caring for the thousands of evacuees of Hurricane Katrina seven months later. There's been a dramatic rise in the murder rate (the article quotes 30%, 2/3rds of which involved Katrina evacuees as victims or perpetrators) and Texas' own hurricane - Rita - has been lost in the shuffle.
I've heard this thing referred to as "compassion fatigue" - that people's capacity for caring, supporting and providing for others is not inexhaustible. I feel terrible for Rita's victims whose plight is going almost completely unnoticed. If Katrina had not happened, and Rita still had - it certainly would be a different story.
And that brings me to my concern that this year we could have a few more serious hurricane hits - and the victims of '04 and '05 will be forgotten again.
I received a few emails about the dearth of posts. Doesn't dearth sound like a lot? As in, "I can't believe I ate that whole dearth of nachos! YOW!" But actually it means scarcity. Between work and consulting, family and, well, kitten time, I've had a dearth of time. I should be able to catch up tonight. Probably. Maybe.
Alert Reader Chris sent in a "Giant Block of Falling Ice" story. I had discussed the Falling Ice Phenomenon here before. Suspiciously, Barry Manilow again was not found to be anywhere near the incident. But UFO sightings in the Loma Linda area were up 14000%.
Hmmm.
I got the word today. "We have to do something about the grass." This is code, actually. What is means is, "You have to do something about the grass." I hate the grass. If I was rich, like some sort of mogul I would hire someone to take care of my lawn. (That MAY just be the first time I've used Mogul in a blog. Dances celebratory jig.) I don't know what sort of a mogul I would be; I suppose a Blogging Mogul. That would be cool in and of itself, except that I would be asked to appear on talk shows which involves a camera and we can't do that. I could get into the "generous bequeathing of links" to deserving B and C list bloggers everywhere, and then watching their poor servers get crushed in the ensuing traffic flood. Sigh.
So, not being a Mogul, or even slightly mogulish, I went to take care of the lawn. Unfortunately by the time I get the "We have to do something about the grass" alert it's usually six inches deep, which requires a painfully slow, careful mowing so that the lawn mower doesn't choke and die. There's nothing to build a guy's confidence and self-esteem like going outside to deal with your lawn, which looks like a South American jungle, and then in the midst of trying to deal with it watch your mower die. So given this was a possibility, I did what any self-respecting adult male would do: I made my son do it.
Actually it wasn't that bad. I was instructing him on the finer points of lawn mowing. You know, "This is the mower. That's the grass. You push the mower OVER the grass." He picked it up pretty quickly. I threw in some extra points to make sure he felt like he was getting his money's worth: "Make straight lines." I also explained to mow only grass; never rocks, toys, small rodents, lead, trees or parents. We managed to get half of the lawn done before dark. Next to having your lawn choke and kill your mower, mowing in total darkness is about as sorry as it gets. Unless you have headlights, then you're cool.
Tomorrow we'll tackle the back, and then repeat the whole thing in about...oh, a month or so.
That's the sound of my bank account weeping and rending its garments. It's the collective sighing of thousands of gas station attendants who have to fish out the number "3" to put up on their signs. It's the sound of millions of voices suddenly crying out in terror and then suddenly silenced.
It's the sound of oil hitting $70 a barrel.
Article here.
There's entirely too much speculation in the oil market. I can see speculating about the price of gold. I don't need gold to go to work, heat my home or travel to Disney World. But oil? Hmph.
This is one of the weirder weather stories I've read, and I've read quite a few weird weather stories. Apparently a film crew for the Weather Channel was arrested for trespassing. Article here.
What do you think? I don't want to draw conclusions based on the article - there could be a completely rational explanation. The way it reads though they were maybe too aggressive in their pursuit of the story.
On the upside, the gentleman on the photo on the article page had the good sense to look happy when he got his mug shot taken. A dour looking Weather Channel employee would have been even worse press.
The posting has been a little slow this holiday weekend - I hope that everyone is having/has had a great Easter. Our weekend has been uneventful; some spring cleaning, some playing with the new kitten.
We discovered that the kitten has two states - perhaps other cat owners can weigh in here. Mysty is either in Sleep Mode or in Spastic Mode. Of course, I'm not trying to offend anyone with the use of the word "spastic." I'm thinking here of the classic spastic as in "subject to outbursts of emotional excitement, excitable." I've heard that the use of the word "spastic" may be insensitive, as Tiger Woods recently found out. So please don't be offended, particularly if you're from the former Soviet Republic of Spastacistan, which is located somewhere east of Romania, I think. You're all great people in my book.
In any event, when the cat isn't sleeping it's attacking the feet of anyone walking by. This is okay if you walk around the house in thick leather boots, like I do. But for the people in socks or their bare feet it's a challenge. We're trying to encourage Proper Cat Behavior but it can be difficult. For example, when she arches her back, and her hair sticks up and she runs at you sideways - it's hard not to laugh. Sort of like taking your very young child to someone's house and the child, at the most inopportune time, yells "Booger!" at the top of his lungs. Well, I mean, you have to laugh at that, but you don't want to encourage it.
So we have a spray bottle filled with water that we're using for training. (It works well with the cat, too.)
Alert Reader Dan sent in this article concerning the phenomenon of Giant Ice Chunks falling from the sky. Here's what we know:
1. Ice has been falling out of the sky
2. Sometimes the ice is Very Big (200 lbs)
3. Sometimes the ice falls out of the clear sky
4. The ice is "clear and free of debris"
5. In all cases, Barry Manilow was no where nearby
So what are we to make of this? I've actually spent a great deal of time studying the problem, and the solution is quite obvious. While the evidence seems to rule out aircraft as a source of the ice, it does not rule out alien spacecraft. Aliens usually park their spacecraft on the tops of tall mountains, where it's cold and snowy. (This way, see, no one will notice them.) While parked there, the warm underbelly of the spacecraft melts the snow and ice, making it all wet and mushy. Then, when the spacecraft takes off again, the ice reforms underneath. Eventually the spacecraft uses its Hyperdrive to blast off to the dark side of the moon, and this sudden increase in velocity dislodges the ice, causing it to fall. If you read the article, you'll see that these ice events have occurred in "China, Spain, Italy, Czech Republic, Scotland, Hungary, England, India and more than half of the United States" which are all (not coincidentally!) places where spacecraft are frequently sighted.
No need to thank me, I'm happy to clear these things up.
Hurricane Wizard Dr. Gray sat down for an interview with NBC2 News in Orlando and answered some questions from viewers. He was stumped on the first question - what would happen if they ran out of Greek Letters in one season? Of course, I not only predicted this would happen but supplied the answer:
01. There will be 87 named storms this hurricane season, forcing the National Hurricane Center to use English names, Greek Letters and finally Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavors, setting off one of the largest lawsuits in U.S. History: Ben & Jerry's v. U.S. Government v. Mickey Mouse when Orlando is crushed by Hurricane Chunky Monkey®.
You can find the interview via this page.
(*Predictions courtesy my alter-ego.)
Today our new cat Mysty*, code named "Cerberus," attacked and killed one of my shoes. The shoe was really no match for her, as it pretty much sat there and took it. The battle lasted about five minutes, and was quite the show - lots of back-paw kicking, chomping, and latching on to shoe laces and flinging the head back and forth. The shoe, a very nice New Balance 608, will be laid to rest tomorrow. The shoe's mate is in mourning for...oh, wait, never-mind, it's dead now too.
*I've been informed by the family that I had the name of our pet wrong. I suppose that's very embarrassing. But it's "Mysty" with two Y's as it's short of mysterious or mystery or somesuch. The author wishes to apologize to any cats that may have been offended, and hopes that this won't mean the demise of the author's other footwear.
"...the 17-year-old spilled gas on his pants while siphoning gas. He then used a lighter to try to determine how wet his pants were..."
(I mean the lighter part. Well, don't steal gas either, but if you spill it on yourself don't check with a lighter. Or matches. Or flaming batons.)
Article here.
Apparently a routine review of weather data has caused hurricane forecasters to add a 28th storm to last season's total. If you can follow this (and I'm not sure I do,) forecasters were pouring over the data and detected a secret, previously unnoticed subtropical storm near the Azores back in October. The storm has been dubbed "Subtropical Storm Cherry Garcia®" after the Ben and Jerry's flavor of the same name.* No word yet on why this storm went undetected.
In addition, Emily's S.A.T. was adjusted and it turned out she was actually a category five storm for a brief period. This brings the number of category five storms last season to four, which is Completely Unreasonable, and makes Emily the only category five storm to form in July.
Article here.
*Okay, I made that up.
Well, we got a cat today. I was out-voted seven to one. It was seven because Connor and Cassie voted for a cat (2), and Tammy voted for a cat (5). Tammy got five votes because she would be the one staying home with the pet. I'm still planning on how to get a dog; I suppose if the cat thing goes okay then we could get a dog in a few years.
The kids have named the cat "Misty." My suggestions had been "Dog," "Armageddon," "Apocalypse," and "Barry," (after Barry Manilow, naturally.) Armageddon was my favorite, because then you could nick-name it "Geddy" or something like that. I also liked "Dog" because it you can't have a dog, then the next best thing is having a cat that you call by saying, "C'mere Dog!"
So far the cat hasn't done anything extraordinary, like fetch, play dead or juggle flaming batons. She HAS decided that her home will be directly behind my Mac Cinema display. I don't know if that's because it's warm next to the computer, or the computer hums in that maternal way, or what. She also follows me around the house, which is amusing only because it's early.
The kids are beyond excited, which is nice. They were even arguing over who could change the litter box first. How long will that last?
I'm going out on a limb here and predict that the vast majority of people involved in this plan are male. There are few things more male than taking an "SUV-sized impactor probe" and hurtling it towards the surface of the moon at 5,600 miles per hour. While this is disguised as science, it's obviously an attempt to raise the battered morale at NASA, which has seen its share of missteps lately. In fact, the discussion at the morale office probably went like this:
Morale Officer 1: Well, the guys are pretty beat down. What should we do?
Morale Officer 2: They've been asking to crash something on the moon for 30 years. How about that?
Morale Officer 1: Okay.
Apparently you'll be able to see the impact from Earth, which is intentionally designed to make all other males jealous, as in "Dang, they got to crash a rocket on the moon." I predict aerospace engineering schools around the country will see an uptick in business.
Article here via CNN.
Gas costs expected to be high this summer.
(I know, it's...I just don't have the words.)
Yes you heard that right. Construction crews working on an Everglades restoration project dug up the bones April 1. (Pause to let that sink in.) But no, it's apparently not some sort of a joke or prank, it's the REAL DEAL. What exactly happens when you unearth a Giant Sloth bone? Does someone call out, "Giant Sloth Bone!" and then everyone stops digging and stares for a while to let the enormity of the situation sink in?
I didn't even know there were sloths the size of elephants. How do you go through a decade and a half of schooling and not pick that up? I did a search for "giant sloth" and the first site returned was this one. I wouldn't put too much stock in it, based solely on the URL, but it says that (maybe) Giant Sloths were still around in the 1800s and were bullet-proof. They also shot hypnotizing ray beams from their eyes. Okay it doesn't say that but, you know, that's pretty much understood.
You can find the article about the bones here. If anyone out there has dug up a Giant Sloth before, or knows someone who has, put a note in the comments. Thanks!
I spent some time on eBay, with the hopes of amassing my army. I confess this is going to be harder than I thought. For example, I found a nice Jedi warrior - he had a special double-bladed light saber - but he was $20! And that was without the super saver shipping offer of $29.95 and the handling fee of $12.95.
Still, I could see him doing some sort of force thing on Henry. Maybe send him to the break room at the beginning of the assault. ("These are the Tastykakes you're looking for...")
After discovering what my army was going to cost I went through the kid's LEGOs figuring there was a fortune to be had in there - or at least some grunts for the army. All I could find were pieces of people. I mean, even the arms and hands were ripped out. It was as if millions of LEGOs suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.
I'll keep everyone posted on my efforts. Don't, ah, tell anyone at work. You know, the element of surprise and all.
I've decided that I'm going to amass an army of LEGO® People and take over the office. I'm not sure how many I'll need; probably a thousand or so. I'm going to start with athletes, Jedi and military personnel because I figure they'll be tougher than, say, the Pizza Delivery LEGO® Guy (although he comes with a pizza stick™ thing which he could use as a weapon.)
I figure about a hundred could take Henry out, and from there the rest will fall like dominos.
(Apparently, LEGO® People are highly collectible.)
No, not about the blog. Not even about Henry's snowblower (Hi Henry!) No, there have been 60,000 complaints a month registered against contractors in the New Orleans area since Hurricane Katrina. I did a little math (yes, it was painful) and that's about 2,000 complaints a day, or 83 every hour (assuming the complaint line is open 24 hours a day - some people just can't sleep at night knowing those contractors are out there) or a complaint every 1.3 minutes. Man that seems like a lot.
Article here.
Okay, so I went a little "category happy." It's not easy to put everything into a few neat categories. In fact, I had to stop myself from creating categories that would probably only ever apply to one post. That sort of self-restraint is difficult at this hour.
Also, I should warn you not to click on "March 2006" at left. I know now some of you are going to be drawn to it as if in a hypnotic trance... FIGHT IT! The issue is that it takes you to a page that has every single post I wrote in March, and even though I started mid-month it's a monstrous page. But, if you have a lunch hour to kill, just load it up, go make your soup and when you get back it may be done loading. If you're making, like, a huge kettle of soup for everyone in your house/workplace/village.
Feel free to leave comments on...whatever. I have to approve them currently but I'll check throughout the day.
Sorry about that, I was actually talking to myself again. The blog may look the same, but actually I'm using Movable Type now thanks to the brilliant machinations of James Sears. Thanks James! So now my super powers include searching, leaving comments, trackbacks (just as soon as I figure out what that is I'll get excited about it), permalinks, an RSS feed and a new, snug super suit.
Please feel free to be an honorary beta test sidekick and look around for issues. I have to populate the database with all of the entries I've written to date (Ugh.) but I should have that done by Easter. The new URL of the blog will be http://www.carlschaad.com/blog/ - set your bookmark! I promise not to change it for another fifteen minutes (okay, I made that up.)
I think we're good here. Feel free to leave comments. I need to drive this thing around the block. Then I need to get out and kick the tires. I don't know why people kick the tires. Does anyone understand that? Perhaps it's a hold-over from the days that cheap cars had tires that would fall off if you kicked them.
The Storm Prediction Center has issued another "high risk" of severe weather. This one covers parts of Tennessee, Alabama and Mississippi. You can find the latest here. Everyone stay safe.
 A 4.2 magnitude (4.8 with the platform shoes) earthquake hit earthquake-deprived Californians yesterday at 6:06 p.m. It was followed by four mini-quakes, all walking in a straight line behind the Mama quake. There were no casualties reported, although an extremely valuable Simpsons Beer Stein that had just (minutes earlier!) been sold on eBay apparently fell off of a tall bookcase and shattered on the floor. It had been put up there on top of that tall bookcase to "keep the dang kids away from it." Photos of the shattered stein are being withheld, pending the notification of eBay user smpsnzrulz122.
On a completely unrelated note, I shouldn't blog so late at night. And on what hopefully is another unrelated note, we're nearing the 100th anniversary of the "Great San Francisco Earthquake of 1906." Wouldn't it be weird if..?
Cool Earthquake stuff here from the USGS.
I'm starting a new feature called the "Friday 2 a.m. Music Feature." This is the first installment, and with any luck it will be the last and I'll be in bed next time.
The basic premise here is this: I'll feature an album by a band that I think totally rocks out but that you have never heard of in your life. You can then shake your head and mutter to know one in particular, "dang hippies and their music!" Or you can scope out the album on iTunes or Amazon, maybe get intrigued, buy it and become really cool like the author*.
This morning's pick is "Sea of Faces" by Kutless. In addition to the cool, hip music, you get to tell all of your friends you listen to a band called "Kutless." How cool is that? Kutless. Arrr. I got me Kutless right here on me iPod.
iTunes link to the album (would require iTunes)
Amazon.com link to the album (no affiliate thing here, I get no big bucks for this. Just whammies.)
Kutless' home page
*The author wishes to disclose that all statements implying that the author possesses any coolness, hipness, trendy-ness or beatness is purely fictional and in the mind of the author, whose kids think is older than dirt. Thank you.
Yup, that's a board stuck through a refrigerator.
Here's a good page on tornado safety; everyone should take a look at this, but particularly those in areas vulnerable to severe weather and tornadoes.
The World Meteorological Organization has retired a record number of names from the 2005 hurricane season:
Dennis has been replaced by Don
Katrina has been replated by Katia
Rita has been replaced by Rina
Stan has been replaced by Sean
Wilma has been replaced by Whitney
You can find a list of retired names prior to 2005 here.
ABC13.com article here.
I can't believe it's Thursday already. I took the trash out today. This was big news because I had cleaned out the basement this past weekend and so had produced (as if by magic!) bags of trash. I won't say how many, but we've put our neighbors - nay, our entire development - to shame. In my defense I do have the "unlimited trash plan" and so I figure, Hey! Bonus Trash Hauling! (Being the conscientious trash patron I am, I did call before taking it all out there. You know, just to make sure.)
Tornado videos seem to be a dime a dozen this week. Here's another one. I never get tired of watching them. Just an amazing thing.
Speaking of tornadoes, the Storm Prediction center actually has an area of "High Risk" on their map. You can find the map here: Link to the map I'm talking about (you know, with the High Risk) A High Risk is very unusual and probably extremely bad news. But in addition to the High Risk, there's a fairly large moderate risk area as well. If you live in the midwest, and particularly in western Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma or eastern Iowa, MIssouri or Arkansas, make sure you have the radio on and all of your plans set in case of severe weather. But really, everyone in the midwest should be prepared. You can find severe watches and warnings here and radar here.
Everyone stay safe out there.
I found all of the State College snow, which has been missing all winter. It all apparently went to Mammoth Mountain, where they set a season snowfall record with something like 4 bazillion inches of snow. You can see their update on the main page of their website. I'm writing their Director of Snow now, and asking for my snow back. If anyone wants me to add their name to my petition just drop me a note. As if getting 4 bazillion inches in one season wasn't enough, they have to go and rub it in by letting people know they'll be open until July 4. July 4! That's just...just silly.
I covered this story in my alter ego, I believe - about a gentleman who fell down a flight of steps and smash a number of museum pieces. This occurred at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge. The vases were estimated to be worth £75,000, which in U.S. money is about $19.95. (kidding!)
I remember thinking at the time, "How clumsy can a human being possibly be?" (Inspector Clouseau given a pass here.) Well it turns out that three months later police have arrested Clouseau Vase-Smasher Nick Flynn on suspicion of "criminal damage." Article here.
Police aren't saying why they think it was a deliberate act. The whole thing is just bizarre. Either this guy is just that clumsy (hey, we all trip right? Just not on £75,000 worth of Qing vases) OR he went to the museum looking to break something. I'm curious to see how this one turns out...
Two levees broke in Merced, California after heavy rains, flooding a trailer park. CNN has more here. Although the CNN article doesn't mention it, I seem to recall Gov. Schwarzenegger toured the state and talked about the levee situation. If anyone has any links to that drop me a note. I'll try to check on that later.
Update: Alert Reader Brent (thanks Brent!) sent the following links concerning the Governor and levees: http://www.news10.net/storyfull.asp?id=16514 http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/pictures/LOA04D.htm
And this school cam held up really well. Whoever manufactures this equipment should turn this into some sort of commercial.
Video available via KFVS 12. Scroll down on the home page for some other amazing videos.
That sounds like something that would coat everything after a hurricane or something, doesn't it? As in, "Rescue crews just found Carl Schaad buried among the debris, covered in blog dust." But what I'm actually referring to is the state of the "blog." I've been working to get the software installed so that I have an actual 21st century USA made blogging machine. I'm a bit closer now; I've just defeated Cerberus and retrieved the golden fleece. Next I need to clean out this really nasty stable, flatten the rockies and fill in something called "the Grand Canyon."
I just wanted to thank everyone for their patience and put you on notice that something may happen. Sometime. In the near future. Maybe.
That is all.
UPDATE: That is not all. Where have we heard this before?
Dr. William Gray, official Hurricane Knight™, has come out with his initial call on the upcoming hurricane season, which officially begins on June 1 (but we know better, don't we?)
Dr. Gray is calling for 17 named storms, nine of which will graduate to hurricane status. He went on to say that all nine will hit Florida in October. Okay I made that part up, put down the hammer, nails and boards Floridians. Actually he said that the hurricane frenzy of previous years will calm down this year, due to some mysterious force known as "statistics."
You can read more about it here via CNN.
I know I should be grateful that we live in a weather-free, protected valley that buffs and rebuffs snow storms and severe weather. I know I should.
Any volunteers? What do people think? Normally I wouldn't color anyone's opinions in advance but the article made my blood boil.
I took the recyclables to the recycling center. I always hurt myself when I do this; I usually leave with some sort of scrape or paper-cut or something. So I was very, very careful this time and only managed to smash one of my knuckles. Thankfully it only hurts when I use that hand (and fortunately it's my right hand.)
I noticed three things while I was out and about that were pretty strange. I mean, they would be pretty strange if my life had creepy background music and inventive cutting. But as it is I don't even have a laugh track, so I'm stuck using my imagination.
The first item was found at Wal-Mart. I went to the Easter Candy aisle because Easter is the time of year that white chocolate makes its debut. So I searched up and down the aisles for white chocolate. All I found was a mother, a grandmother, and a girl - probably about 8 - shopping for candy. What was amazing was the way that the mother talked to/about the child. (Moderately strong language alert ahead.) The mother and child were arguing over some candy or toy, and the mother remarked to the grandmother, "She's a real p*sser today." I, of course, was horrified. That'll build up some self-esteem! But then a few minutes later I heard, from the mother directed at the child, "Shut the h*ll up." Now, I'm not exactly Captain Parenting, but that seemed a little out of order. I eventually left the area just because I couldn't take it anymore, and they only white chocolate I found came with peanut butter. Ew. Whose idea was that?
On the drive home I spotted oddity #2: I passed a car with one of those white oval stickers reading "OBX." However, the OBX was actually the front license plate. (Here in Pennsylvania we only have to have a plate in the back, leaving the front plate for whatever you want to put up there.) Someone was so enamored with OBX that they bought a license plate that looked like one of those giant white oval stickers. Amazing. Now, if this was the Mayor of the Outer Banks - MAYBE. But what would the Mayor of the Outer Banks be doing in State College?
The last thing I noted on the drive home was a suicide attempt by two ducks. They literally waddled right out in front of me. I had to swerve into the other lane to avoid them, and then flash my lights at oncoming traffic. I'm thinking, Ducks...can fly, right? What's with the waddling in the road?
The next few days will be a bit busy for me, with the weather, the consulting, the family and the blogging. Thanks for your patience. And thanks for reading :)
 First I'm really not into the April Fool's Day thing at all. I really don't understand it. The really "good" jokes would be the ones that people would remember forever, and probably cut you out of their will for. So there's an inverse relationship between the quality of the joke and the quality of the relationship you have with the victim afterwards. (The better the joke...the worse the ensuing relationship.) At least, that's how I see it. And being a perfectionist I could see myself going overboard in the practical joke department. (Carl specifically avoids examples as he probably wouldn't even live down just sharing hypotheticals.) I was also diagnosed as diabetic on April 1, so I have that going for me, which is nice. (Gratuitous Caddyshack quote.)
Second, can we get rid of the daylight savings thing ONCE AND FOR ALL? Just set the clocks back 30 minutes sometime in July and let's call it even. I've never found myself at church an hour early or late Sunday morning, but this Playing with Time game is just begging for problems. Did you know that every year it's estimated by economists that switching the clocks back and forth costs the country $400 million in lost productivity, energy costs, fuel, and indigestion? No? Okay, I made that up. But there's probably some Reputable Economist somewhere who could come up with a figure like that. And then we could all see it for the Crisis it is and declare war on it. Which would lead to my :30 minute solution.
And really, if I go to sleep and fail to set the clocks forward and then wake up at, say, 2:18 a.m. - when am I? I'd probably get totally freaked out since I would be in Non-Time which Einstein often talked about, in theoretical fashion, usually concluding his thoughts with a solemn shake of his head and a "you don't want to be there."
And speaking of not wanting to be there, I cleaned the basement today. It's not completely done but I suppose it will do. My idea of cleaning is a little warped. For example, if I come across a box of the kid's school papers, clean to me would be putting them in chronological order in two separate groups (one for each child.) I know that sounds OCD but I generally don't clean that way because I don't have the time. So I make little "compromises." I'm also an anti-pack rat. I don't know what that would be. I think it's the rat that's always laughing at the pack rat, making derogatory comments, sending the pack rat anonymous notes about upcoming flea markets and yard sales - and yet inevitably finding itself completely unprepared for the next harsh winter. Or the unexpected guests. Or the alien invasion.
As an APR (Anti-Pack Rat) I err on the side of Throwing It Out. If I can't anticipate any use for Object X in the next six weeks, or I think it will be more trouble to store it than just buy another one, I would LOVE to toss it. Alert Reader Tammy is mostly the opposite way - so I suppose she would be an Anti-Anti-Pack Rat (note: I did NOT say she is a pack rat) which is good because we're somewhat balanced out and make a normal person. But when I clean I confess it's hard not to just get garbage bags and start chucking things. I think Americans in general have way too much stuff. I know that's a broad generalization, but it's late and I'm about to lose an hour in some great government black hole.
So when I cleaned the basement I felt a little dismayed at all of the stuff down there. I mean, a water heater. Do we really need that? It takes up an inordinate amount of space. And then there were boxes of old photos of the kids when they were little, the marriage ceremony, etc. That stuff should really be digitized and stored on a hard disk the size of a pencil eraser. That would save some room. And there's a whole bunch of kid's toys down there. I say pick your top three and then - Yard Sale!
But, I controlled myself, and stuck with sweeping, organizing and rearranging things. I do have a small pile of things to take to Good Will, as well as a giant pile of cardboard I now need to recycle. I suppose it's good enough until the basement gets finished. (When we bought our house, which was brand new, we were told the basement was unfinished. To which I responded, "Well go ahead and finish it! I'm not rushing you." They just stared at me and then took their tools and went home.)
The other thing I accomplished this weekend, which was borderline Male, was to hang a tool organizer in the garage. Actually if I may be permitted to boast a little I put up TWO tool organizers in the garage. AND, they actually look pretty level. After hanging them I scrounged around in the garage for tools to hang on them, since that was the whole point. Being an APR I had thrown out many of our tools after we moved out of the last house, but I managed to find a few.
The first I found was the ax. Or, if you live in England, axe. You're probably asking yourself, "What on earth does he have an ax(e) for?" Great question! The short answer is, I have an ax(e) because I'm not allowed to have a chain saw. The longer explanation is that we needed an ax(e) to chop up firewood at the old Schaad Hacienda, where we lived in the Woods™ and used a Wood Stove to heat our home. Wood Stoves are great; our living room during the peak of winter was about 96 degrees. Family members had to wear shorts indoors, or retreat to an interior room/the basement/the garage to cool down. When we moved you would think I would have gotten rid of the ax(e). But I had a moment of doubt; I wavered. "What if I NEED the ax(e)?" I thought. What on earth would I need an ax(e) for in suburbia? Another great question! To this day I have no idea. Burglar removal, maybe. Or if a fierce winter storm knocked over a tree in the neighborhood and I needed to hack my way to freedom. (Of course, the tallest tree in our development is eight foot tall and skinny enough that I could pick it up and lift it above my head, smile at the assembled crowd and then throw it across the yard. That, and Henry's Snowblower is protection enough from fierce winter storms.)
So I tried to hang the ax(e) on this new tool organizer and it teetered a little. It wasn't exactly the Good Fit. Given I think of my life as a movie, I cut to the scene where I came home from work, got out of the car and walked past the hanging ax(e). The ax(e) screamed "BONZAI!!!!" and jumped off the organizer and split me like an old, ripe cabbage. Okay, old cabbages are way past ripe and probably don't split like that, but you get the idea. Then the scene jumps back to present day and I decide not to hang the ax(e). I put it back in the corner where it's doomed to remain until the saplings in the neighborhood get out of hand, or a Yeti attacks, or there's a yard sale. I did find some other tools I could organize, such as my flame thrower, my hedge tongs and the pitchfork. Don't worry the flame thrower was empty. Every fall, after I'm done with the leaves, I invite all of the neighborhood kids and I let them take turns with the flamethrower to use up the fuel so I can store it for the winter. I'm very strict with it though: no shooting towards my house, and no shooting at siblings.
Okay, you caught me. The flame thrower is an April Fool's Day thing. I actually keep it fueled all year long; you never know when it might snow in spite of meteorologists owning snowblowers.
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