Once upon a time there was an old, Venezuelan Gypsy Woman. What? Sure, there are gypsies in Venezuela, don't change the subject. The old Venezuelan Gypsy Woman (OVGW) was shopping in an unnamed central Pennsylvania grocery store when a young, foolish college student cut in front of her in the ten items or less aisle. Really, he claims to this day he never saw her there. You know, she was kind of short and tiny the way old, Venezuelan Gypsy Women are. The college student had a bag of Lays Potato Chips, a carton of Breyer's Ice Cream and nineteen cans of Dinty-Moore Beef Stew. Not only did he have twenty-one items in the ten items or less aisle, but he had forgotten all forms of payment except his checkbook.

The OVGW, extremely put out, pronounced a curse on him.

"A curse on you!" the OVGW pronounced. "May your lawn ever grow, and your lawn mower never mow!" Then she cackled, the way only extremely put out gypsy women can.

Well, you may not have seen this coming, but that young, foolish college student was me. (Pause for gasps.) And yes, ever since then I have been unable to mow my lawn. At first I tried the gas mower. My gas mower would never start, no matter how many times I pulled on that cord. It looked like I was trying to take flight in a fit of gasping and puffing.

After we moved to the new house, I cleverly decided I would buy an electric mower. This worked really well the first few times. Sure, the mower weighs four thousand pounds, but it's a great work out. However this weekend, as I began passing the Mantle of Mowing to my son, the mower would mow for a little while and then just stop. "It's the battery!" you yell. Or, "It needs charged!" you offer. No, these options are too obvious.

Clearly, it's the curse of the old, Venezuelan Gypsy Woman, who even now is cackling somewhere. Probably quite loudly, like only an old gypsy woman can.

(UPDATE: As Jodi points out below, the so-called "OVGM" is the counterpart to the OVGW, and generally removes the curses the OVGW places on unsuspecting though deserving shoppers. Or, the OVGM is the one who makes the Dinty Moore Beef Stew. One or the other.)