I almost blogged about this a few days ago, but didn't and now have no real proof of my omnipotence other than my word which I guess should be good enough. It's about "The Scream" which is alternately a famous painting and something that is done in our house when a spider appears, no matter HOW TINY THE SPIDER IS. I mean, it can be really really small and there's still a scream like someone lost a limb and "Carl! Carl! QUICK! QUICKQUICKQUICK HURRY!!" I of course Run Like The Wind and am very disappointed that there are no lost limbs, or pirates boarding our home, or a bear digging in our trash. It's just a little tiny spider, which is running away quickly because someone just screamed at it.
But this post is about the first kind of scream, which is "The Scream." "The Scream" is a fairly well-known painting (see right), if you're into that sort of thing, which was stolen two years ago in a "brazen daytime robbery," so called because they stole a painting of a guy screaming and it doesn't get much more brazen than that. I guess that's not fair: the painting is well-known because it touches something deep within all of us, something fundamentally human and primal. The need to scream. This need happens every day for different reasons:
• Someone is standing outside in the dark reporting on a tropical system and it's not even raining
• You just got your paycheck
• You just got your cellphone bill right after getting your paycheck
• You just got cheese on your hamburger
I could go on, but you get the idea. When I look at "The Scream" I see myself after driving all the way to Disney. That's Hades, ancient mythological God of the Long-Distance Drive, in the background, along with his lackey "I Have to Go to the Bathroom."
So why is all of this news? Well "The Scream", which to recap is a famous painting that was brazenly stolen, has been recovered. It was recovered by Norwegian police who in my book are highly underrated. When was the last time you heard a Norwegian Police story? Exactly. Here are the details on the recovery.
So why was I planning on writing about this? Well, because I saw this page that details Mars' plan to give 2 Million M&M'S® Dark Chocolate Candies for the return of the painting.
Now you tell me - Mars offers 2 Million M&M'S and less than 10 days later the painting turns up?
Hmm.
I would tell you what I really think about this, but judging from all of the screaming either Bigfoot is rooting around in our trash or there's a spider to deal with.
U.S. and French researchers are working together on new effort to better track and diagnose hurricane development in the Atlantic. I'm not making that up. As you know, France has suffered from at least a dozen different tropical storms/hurricanes in the last two decades, with Hurricane Pierre bringing widespread flooding to the Bordeaux area in '89. Okay, that part I made up.
The Balloon Project involves dropping almost 300 "instrument packages" over parts of Africa and the Atlantic Ocean. I'm not making that up. After the balloons are launched they will drift from Africa towards the Caribbean at heights of 65,000-70,000 feet, where hurricanes often hide before diving down into the water and spinning towards land. Apparently twice each day these balloons will release a small instrument package, complete with a monkey wearing a parachute. As the monkey falls through the atmosphere the instrument will gather statistics like temperature, pressure, wind speed, and how loudly and often the monkey yells "Ahhhhhhhhhh I'm going to diiiiieeeeeee!" (In monkey-talk, of course.)
The article really doesn't explain what happens to the monkey after it pulls its chute. I'm going to theorize here that the monkey will drift slowly to the water, and then it will have to do the backstroke. Or, the instrument package has a little beacon that tells the French where they need to go to pick up the monkey.
It's thought that these balloons will give scientists a new insight into tropical weather formation in a part of the world that it is difficult to fly planes into, mostly because it's on the other side of the Atlantic and the French don't have any airplanes.
If the experiment is a success, the next step will be to upgrade from Monkeys to Clowns, and then (if funding doesn't dry up) - Mimes.
The National Weather Service has issued a Wormmucking Watch for the entire Carl Schaad Area beginning Friday afternoon and lasting until the first freeze. As you know, a wormmucking watch is:
This is expected to be one of the best Wormmucking events of the last 30 years - with 4-6" inches of rain expected, and up to 10" possible in Local Areas. (These are areas that you find yourself in, usually while driving.) I may even go get a new pair of boots in order to properly celebrate the occasion. Nothing drives those worms out of the ground like 10" of water. Nothing drives the remaining grass roots out of my desert-like lawn like 10" of water too. I know this because as a kid I often marveled at the destructive power of water by taking a hose, putting my thumb over part of the nozzle, and using the jet to erode parts of my parent's lawn. I would pretend to be a huge 1000' foot giant towering over the Grand Canyon. You know, just like every young lad did.
Everyone stay safe this wet and dreary weekend in the east. Well, stay safe if you're not in the east too. You know what I mean.
I was looking through a swim wear magazine that arrived today and thought that a photo I saw - of an unusually svelt BABO® - looked completely out of place. So I checked online, and found a photo of BABO® from just a few days ago:
BABO® on the left as he appeared in the recent motion picture "Invincible"; BABO® on the right as he appeared in a September issue of Swim Wear! a swim suit catalog.
I'm not positive, but I think some Photoshop hijinks are going on here.
I don't usually write about celebrities or their travails, but I find this interesting because of the graphic design angle. There's a bit of (digital) hay being made of a photo of Katie Couric that was altered to make her appear a bit slimmer. TVNewser, a media blog, broke the story via an Alert Reader tip, and it has made the rounds. Here are the photos in question:
Katie on the left as she appeared in May at Carnegie Hall; Katie on the right as she appeared in a September issue of Watch!, a CBS magazine. Photo source: TVNewser
I laid the new photo on top of the old to give you an idea of what was "trimmed," although it's hard to see the face:
New photo laid on top of old photo and opacity set to 50%.
The curious thing about this story is that it's been blamed on attributed to the CBS press department. According to the NY Post, a CBS spokesman said:
"The picture was retouched without the knowledge of Ms. Couric or CBS News management."
Gil Schwartz, executive vice president of communications for CBS Corp., said Wednesday in a phone interview the photo alteration was done by someone in the CBS photo department who "got a little zealous."
I've done some work with Photoshop. I've even touched up a few photos in the past (mostly removing U.F.O.s from pictures on behalf of the government) and while I'm the first person to admit I'm not very good at it, this sort of work is very time consuming. (Just look again at the two photos - her waistline and face. This is great work!) If I was working in the CBS photo department/press department, and a photo came down the pike of Ms. Couric, I probably would not volunteer to alter it so drastically. I'd likely have ten other things that need to get done yesterday. But if CBS is to be believed, someone got the photo, started messing with the contrast and just went wild. Seems unlikely to me.
I do feel a little badly for Ms. Couric; can you imagine the stress and weight (sorry, no pun intended) of taking this new anchoring job, only to discover that your employer thinks you need to be "photoshopped" because you don't look a certain way? That's tough.
They're both in agreement on the path of the storm, although the speed is very different. AccuWeather.com's track is about two days slower, which I'm guessing could mean a huge different in flooding, impact on holiday travel, etc. It appears that the Move-In Day/Football Game draw is too powerful for Ernesto to ignore.
Okay, not exactly. What I meant to say was, "It snowed on Mt. Hood." I know, that's not as exciting but it's a start. Remember, the Farmers' Almanac is calling for a very cold August Winter - maybe this is a preview of things to come?
The snow was expected to melt rather quickly. You can find the article here. (This may require free registration; I don't know which sites I've signed up with anymore...)
While we're talking about snow, Alert Reader Mark sent in the following gorgeous photo from South Lake Tahoe, California (that's snow up there on the top, we think)
I'm looking forward to seeing everyone's photos of the huge blizzards we're going to have this winter...
Incidentally, as a kid I was never sure who's side Godzilla was on. This probably meant that Godzilla was actually some sort of metaphor for American Imperialism, or something else that I wouldn't have understood and probably wouldn't have found nearly as funny as little army army guys running around yelling "Aaiiieeee!" before their tanks got stomped on. Godzilla would initially show up and stomp on the Japanese, sort of like he had a migraine or ate some bad sushi the night before, but then a monster would show up and he would trounce it and - his migraine having vanished or his aggressions having been taken out on some huge moth - he would return to the sea.
I guess the moral is, if Godzilla shows up, you better be darn sure some sort of giant caterpillar, atomic squirrel or 60' tall radioactive penguin happens by as well. Or, maybe Anderson Cooper.
AccuWeather.com has developed a cool little plug-in for Google's personalized home page. If you're into this sort of thing, you can find it here. Feel free to drop me email about any suggestions, bugs, etc. I'd also like to hear if you end up trying it out.
I think you can also add RSS feeds to Google's home page, so theoretically you can add this blog there as well. I was going through my web stats and saw that a lot of people are hitting the feed so I assume most of you have figured this out. The RSS link is at left; if you need help with that leave a comment or send me a note...
As mentioned earlier it appears that we're going to get a good soaking this weekend from Ernesto. There are three reasons this is very likely to happen:
1. PSU Move-In Day occurs this weekend
2. PSU Football Opener
3. Carl's previous whining about his dry-as-dust lawn
You always need to be careful about whining over a dry-as-dust lawn, as this AccuWeather.com graphic shows:
Yup, that's 6-8" of rain. Now my lawn will wash away completely, which will probably clog the storm drain at the end of the street. That's bad because my house is at the end of the street, right next to the storm drain...
On a somewhat related note, there are few things more pitiful, in my opinion, than watching a reporter covering a tropical threat with absolutely nothing happening. I tuned into the Weather Channel at midnight, and there was Mike Bettis, I believe, standing there reporting in his rain gear. About all you could say was that it was dangerously dark. I mean, it was really dark, in a sort of ominous-it's-midnight kind of dark. And, his rain gear looked damp, although the camera person may have thrown a cup of water on him before they went live.
As many of you know I live in Pennsylvania, the "Limestone State," named after the composition of many lawns here. This year we have a huge election decision facing us: whether to allow Native Americans to create floating private schools that would funnel part of their tuition fees into the gambling industry, which in turn supports senior citizens. I'm firmly on record as supporting option "B".
There's another decision facing us though, a decision about whether to re-elect a well-known Senator or to send someone new to Washington. This is a "high-profile" contest, meaning that everyone on earth is supposed to know all of the intimate details and to care very deeply about the outcome. But ultimately it is the Pennsylvanian who has to suffer through the campaign ads EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL BREAK. And it's still August. (For the politically inept in the audience the election is held every year on "Black Friday" which was named by the media companies who end up "in the black" because of the untold millions they've reaped from selling space for political advertising.)
The thing that really bothers me about campaign ads is that you have no idea what to believe. Every ad seems totally over the top. For example, I "screen-captured" this ad on television just tonight. I was watching TV for all of the John Mark Karr commercial spots in between the campaign ad show that was on.
So, NOW what do I do? I certainly don't want anyone in office spending my tax dollars to pave the Amazon rainforest, particularly if I'm not going to get to dine in any of the new-fangled restaurants they build there. But these claims seem a bit...exaggerated. Could they be false?* I just can't tell sometimes.
I suppose I can make it to Black Friday, when I get to go down to my Polling Place and throw my Bag of Chads into my Politician of Choice's Basket. And choose option "B" on the Floating Schools for Senior Citizens Issue.
It's my duty as an informed voter.
*Okay, I made that up. And that guy is a stock photo man from istockphoto.com who, as far as I know, loves the Amazon rainforest and all of the little creatures therein, and has very svelt, vegetarian children and would make a wonderful Senator whom I would vote for if he would just run. Any resemblance to an old me is strictly in the mind of the reader.
The NHC has an amazing track for Ernesto, which differs greatly from AccuWeather's. Below is the NHC track:
On the surface, this may seem like a Silly Storm Track. It would seem silly, because it puts the storm (as a tropical depression) pretty much in State College, Pennsylvania at 3:30 p.m. on Saturday. I mean, what self-respecting storm would go to State College, Pennsylvania?
However this weekend is special, for three reasons:
1. It's the Labor Day Holiday Weekend
2. It's "Move-In Day" - the day Penn State students descend on Happy Valley for the start of classes
3. And finally, in what can only be called a "Brilliant Planning Stratagem" it is also the Nittany Lions opening football game at - you guessed it - 3:30 p.m.
All of these things together make it almost certain that a storm would gravitate this way. However, AccuWeather.com's track is a bit different:
So there you have it - State College, PA or Cape Hatteras, NC. Whose forecast will reign supreme?
Okay, not really. But if you look at these tracks over time you have to wonder if anyone knows where Ernesto is headed:
Not to pick on the NHC or anything; everyone's tracks, including all of the computer models, were this uncertain. Right now it looks like Tampa and all of those folks trying to get in their last week of summer vacation at Disney World are the big "winners." And speaking of Disney World, it may be that the lack of tropical activity this year is directly related to my complete lack of Disney Vacation Plan-age. You'll remember last year we had planned a September vacation that kept getting moved back because of hurricanes. We eventually went in late October and were literally chased out of Orlando by Wilma. (But otherwise the weather was great.)
It may be that without Schaads to chase the tropics are simply depressed and demotivated. A heads up for all of you snow lovers though: I'd like to go down and visit Mickey and give my condolences to Pluto (a severe Groan Watch is in effect) this December, although financially that's looking very unlikely. But I'll be sure to warn everyone should a trip occur. You can borrow Henry's snow-blower.
First I want to let everyone know up front that I can not type "almanac" without a great deal of effort. Whenever I have to type that word it almost always ends up "alamanac." So, you were warned.
The FA (Farmers' Alamanac Almanac) is predicting a much colder than normal winter from "coast to coast." I happen to have an advance copy of the Farmer's Alamanc Almanac (sigh) and I have to say that cold will be the least of our worries. Not only is it expected to be colder than normal, which will cause the usual winter headaches of high fuel costs and snowy weather, but there's also expected to be an increase in: Nor'easters, Bigfoots (Bigfeet), Alien Abductions (particularly in the Southeast), Earthquakes and - most disturbing of all - political attack ads.
But at least now you have some advance warning. Take the usual precautions - buy lots of dried goods and have a fully stocked pantry, get plywood to board up your windows, make sure your friends and family have your cell number in case you "disappear" and above all, unplug the TV and put it on the porch until November 8.
(You may want to dress it in a coat before doing so - it's expected to be cold.)
I've been thinking about 9/11, given the five year anniversary is almost here. I can remember the entire morning very vividly - probably the way many people recall the day Kennedy was assassinated. To be honest it still makes me a little nauseated when I think about it. It's kind of like that feeling I get when I have to speak in front of an audience, which happens rarely now because it causes my brain to melt and my doctor said that brain melting is bad for you.
Anyway, I spent a little time playing with the Way Back Machine to see what sort of 9/11 archives they have. I found quite a few. This should take many of you back, so to speak:
Graphics seem to be spotty; but the copy on these pages is fascinating. If you find something you want to share that I didn't see leave a comment or drop me a note.
In addition, the Newseum has 110 9/11/ newspaper front pages from 20 countries - you can find their archive here. Use the "view more pages" button to see all of them, and click on an entry to get a larger version. (My award for "Best Headline" would probably go to the San Francisco Examiner, but I'm grumpy that way.)
Feel free to leave comments about 9/11, where you were the moment you heard, or any other recollections.
AccuWeather appears to be taking Ernesto west of New Orleans, but the NHC and many of the models are lining up with the Big Easy. Of course this is a nightmare scenario - even if the levees hold, the rain, storm surge and possible tornadoes would cause havoc with the FEMA trailers and all of the debris that sill exists in areas hit by Katrina last year. I'm not in the office today (it IS Saturday, after all) so I'm curious what the meteorology is behind AccuWeather's graphic which has the storm as a "3" in the Gulf and a "2" at landfall. There's usually weakening of these storms at landfall, but there's an awful lot of warm Gulf water in between the two. I'll have to check on Monday.
Although it's not time to panic, it probably will be soon. Get all of your panic preparations ready so that when the time to panic comes, you'll be ready to go.
UPDATE: Models and the NHC continue to shift around, moving generally east. I won't be able to post updated maps with every model run, so stay tuned to the AccuWeather hurricane center and other sources.
I haven't been updating the blog with my latest consulting work, which unfortunately flies in the face of my plan to claim some sort of blog-related tax deductions at Starbucks. (GREAT Banana Bread, but not really fond of the nuts.) (The nuts in the Banana Bread, not the nuts at Starbucks.) I have number of pieces I can add here and to my portfolio, but that sort of thing usually falls way down on the list, after "family," "work," "consulting," "blogging," "lawn-care," "defending myself from the cat," and "deciphering ancient maya texts."
However, I just finished this pro bono piece for the local pregnancy clinic
and I liked how it came out. I'm rarely satisfied with anything I design for very long, so I expect in a month or so I'll be reviewing old posts and will say "Why did I put THAT in there!" It's the life of an idealistic perfectionist. Rarely boring.
Pictured at right (in this photo from and copyright by puppypurse.com) is a very suave male model waving at some folks. These folks are no doubt giggling and pointing and whispering to themselves. Why? Because he's a suave male model? No. Because he's waving? No. Look again. It's because he's WEARING A DOG.
When I first stumbled across this I thought it was a Faux Dog. I know, I'm an idiot that way. I thought it was a Faux Dog because it never occurred to me that someone would want to WEAR A DOG. So I thought this was some sort of Dog-Shaped Bag, or Purse, or something. You know, a purse shaped like a dog. You would carry it around, people would say "Oh how cute!" and you would beam, and open the purse and show them your wallet, change, cell phone and taco sauce packets. (What? Oh, well forget that last one then.)
"Take your best friend wherever you go in open-air comfort and pampered elegance with the Original PuppyPurse Carrier System. This versatile puppy purse pet carrier is lightweight, adjustable, and supportive, minimizing the stresses on your body while maximizing your ability to interact with your dog or cat."
So the idea here is that you can take your pet with you when you go out and about, whether to the grocery store, on a walk through the park, to a Bon Jovi concert or just to get some more taco sauce packets. (What? Oh, well forget that last one then.) So now not only will you have your pet with you, but you will be able to maximize your interaction with your pet.
There's not much more here I can say. Okay, I made that up. Take a look at the website when you get a chance - it's extremely humorous, at least to me. (And that's probably unintended.) In particular check item 4 on this page:
"Our straps are removable and every PuppyPurse comes with a set of tote handles for carrying your dog by hand."
By now many of you are no doubt asking, "How much?!" because you want to get one right now, or at least put it on your Christmas Wishlist. Well, I won't ruin the fun - browse through the shopping area for more great pictures and to check prices. I will leave you with this last item: The Original PuppyPurse Pet Carry System apparently comes in size "XXL." This made me giggle uncontrollably for at least three minutes. I kept picturing a suave male model window-shopping with his St. Bernard all strapped in.
Tropical Storm Ernesto has arrived. Ernesto was born at 5pm, near Latitude 14.3 North and Longitude 67.6 West which is about 300 miles SSW of San Juan, Puerto Rico and 660 miles ESE of Kingston, Jamaica. Ernesto is 29.65 inches in central pressure and weighs in at Extremely Very Heavy. The NHC announced Ernesto's birth while the author was eating a Tour of Italy at the Olive Garden that was entirely too large for one human being, no matter how hungry, to eat. The author did, however, give it his best shot.
The name Ernesto is apparently the "Italian, Spanish and Portuguese form" of Ernest. The name Ernest is derived from the Germanic eornost meaning "seriousness". (See also earnest.) The name was used in the title of a play and movie, "The Importance of Being Earnest," which I haven't seen but after some research I gather that it's about someone named Earnest and how important it is for them to be... so.
Ernesto appears to be on trajectory for mischief. Here's a map roundup:
Hopefully we've all learned our lesson and home owners in the Gulf have reinforced their structures with Ubiquitous* Alacrity**. I've been told that stuff is amazingly strong - we actually considered getting Alacrity countertops for our kitchen at one point, but the nice ones are really expensive.
So where does Ernesto end up? The models, NHC and AccuWeather seem to agree that it's in the middle of the Gulf by Wed/Thur a.m. Based on it's track up to that point, I would guess somewhere in Houston. But...that's only a guess. Even Joe Bastardi isn't saying yet. Stay tuned...
I was watching TV tonight because, well, there's so much good stuff on TV, and I saw a commercial for Kellogg's Mini-Wheats® Frosted Strawberry Delight Ready-To-Eat Cereal. At one point the commercial states, "Help Your Kids Focus" and then goes on to promote the cereal. I have to confess I was a little stunned. Help them focus by feeding them Kellogg's Mini-Wheats® Frosted Strawberry Delight Ready-To-Eat Cereal?
Figuring this must be some sort of health food, I decided to check the nutritional facts. Here's what's listed:
Whole grain wheat, sugar, strawberry flavored crunchlets (sugar, corn cereal, corn syrup, modified corn starch, partially hydrogenated cottonseed and/or soybean oil, citric acid, glycerin, natural and artificial flavor, red #40, blue #2), natural and artificial strawberry and créme flavor, sorbitol, gelatin, reduced iron, niacinamide, zinc oxide, red #40, pyridoxine hydrochloride (vitamin B6), riboflavin (vitamin B2), thiamin hydrochloride (vitamin B1), folic acid, blue #1, and vitamin B12.
Well if that doesn't help you focus, I'm not sure what would.
Tonight I thought about a bias I have that I don't think I even knew I had. Sometimes these things just rear their ugly heads when you're not expecting it. I was driving home from dropping my son off at youth group and I saw a bunch of kids playing football, or practicing football, or doing something football-related. Now, this may be an inflammatory thing to say, but I just think it's bizarre to see a bunch of two-foot-tall kids wearing helmets, shoulder pads, football shoes and numbered jerseys. The whole "midget football" thing is actually very strange to me. Although, now that I think of it, if you actually had short people playing football well THAT might be cool. Or, if you had dwarves like Middle-Earth dwarves suited up and playing football - THAT would interesting. See this is why I'm not wealthy, because I would probably spend money to create a film with dwarves and elves playing a game of football. No one would watch it except me, but that would be okay because I would have the money for that sort of thing. (It never ceases to amaze me that celebrities spend their Gobs of Money on things like houses and boats and stuff instead of these sorts of things.)
In any event, I suppose kids need to start playing football early - like when they can stand on their own for thirty seconds - and so there's a place and time for midget football. (Incidentally, if that is politically incorrect I apologize. I suppose I should call it chronologically-challenged football or something.)
Do you have a mighty three-year-old in a local football regiment? Weigh in!
There's an interesting story here about the link between Global Warming and "the high rate of asthma among black children." I have read a number of articles about Global Warming, and have been somewhat skeptical about some of the information I've seen linking Global Warming to increase Hurricane ferocity, mild winters, harsh cold winters, torrid summers, mild summers, floods, droughts and excessive amounts of jellyfish in the Mediterranean.
But asthma among African-American children?
“I’m really hopeful that that won’t be too much of a leap for parents to see,” said Janet Johnson, a vice president with The Weather Channel.
If that wasn't enough to chew on - and leave comments about - there's this:
“Weather was seen as an act of God that you just can’t do anything about,” said Heidi Cullen, a climate expert with the Weather Channel. “That’s not true anymore.”
Forecasters and Media Types today were agog over a particulary surly "system of showers" located somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. An ensuing frenzied rush to find a meteorologist ended at an NWS office in Drymouth, Florida. There, Official Weather People speculated on this new tropical menace:
"It's very possible that with a few weeks, warmer-than-normal water temperatures, and a Lack of Sheer, this surly shower could develop into a thunderstorm," commented an Official Weather Person, in between bites of a Subway sub.
As everyone from Maine to Brownsville, Texas, knows, once you have a thunderstorm over the Atlantic Ocean it's a very short leap to a severe thunderstorm, then a tropical wave, then a tropical depression, then a tropical storm and then YES A KILLER HURRICANE.
Residents of the coastal United States are advised to start boarding up their homes immediately, and evacuate 300-400 miles inland. Stay tuned to this, and every single other media outlet, for ten minute updates.
First, a shout-out to Alert Reader and Blog Wizard James for helping me with my acute case of blogitis. It turns out that it wasn't blog envy that was causing the problems. Apparently my blog was hit by Red Kryptonite* which affects it in strange and unusual ways. I think it's all straightened out now - but if you see anything weird let me know
I wanted to post a quick note about this article which claims that the Atlantic 2006 Hurricane Season is actually below normal now. Just amazing. I'm sure the JM must be besides themselves, trying to get the Russian Made Cold War Era Weather Machine fixed. They probably shouldn't have set it to "11" last year.
I'm looking forward to the end of the season and seeing how everyone's predictions compare with reality. I'm also curious how this impacts current global warming theory. I think that if it would be an above average season, global warming would be to blame. However, if the season actually turns out to be below average, then global warming would be to blame.
(Please note: The image at right has been inserted here to break up the text and give this posting a visual element. If you squint really hard, from across the room, it sorta looks like there's a hurricane way in the back on the left there. Also, this could be Florida. AND, there's probably another Russian-Made Cold War Era Weather Machine buried under the sand there.)
That's all I have to say about that, except that my man Feedback is looking good. (I say that without having seen a single episode, although Alert Reader Kitty "accidentally" saw an episode and was not exactly impressed.)
It rained tonight. It was such a big deal, in fact, that I went out on the front porch and sat there watching the rain for about twenty minutes. Every time a drop of water hit the lawn there was this little cloud of dust that would rise up, and this sucking sound, as the ground absorbed the moisture and reverted back to its Utterly Desert Dry condition. It may be dried, dying grass - but it's grass! And it's all mine! BWAAHAHAHAHAHA.
358.
That's the number of days I have to dig up a fabulous sun-sword to pit against the forces of evil. But I'm not, you know, obsessing about it. I was born around 11:31 a.m. I think so that's, like, an extra twelve hours too.
The blog is having some sort of fit. I don't know what started it - I think it overheard me talking about that blog that rhymes with "nerdy 80’s glow" (thanks Steve!) and it got jealous. The only symptom so far is that it won't let me re-edit many of my posts. I went through them, thinking that if I could just find the common denominator I could perhaps solve the problem. I checked post times, titles, looked for special characters, checked the category. Nothing. ZIP. Then it finally dawned on me: all of the un-editable posts had obvious typos and grammatical errors. As a test I'm writing "pagent" here several times to see if I will be able to edit this after the fact, or not. I may even end a sentence with a preposition like of. We'll see what pagent happens after this post pagent has been saved. I think the blog is trying to make me look bad, but that's just me. I'm old, cranky and obsessed. And I don't have a fabulous sun-sword.
And lastly, the JonBenet thing confuses me to no end. Apparently the only people who think that John Karr did it are the police in Boulder and John Karr. Is that right? I confess I've kept the TV off the last two days on purpose. I did hear that there is DNA to be compared, so hopefully there'll be a definite answer one way or another.
Probably not. But the GFS model run today has either a Monster Northeast Apocalyptic Hurricane headed for Long Island, OR Godzilla headed for Long Island. It's tough to guess which would be worse. I'm thinking that Godzilla would be like a Category 4 storm. But the amusement factor of watching Anderson Cooper and Geraldo Rivera cover Godzilla's landfall would be huge.
Elliot Abrams at AccuWeather has a great, and temperate, discussion on the models in question. You can find it here. If this actually DOES come to pass, people who would be in the path of the monster storm/Godzilla should consider that they have two weeks to prepare. Assuming, you know, that you haven't already prepared.
Like the ending of an episode of "Murder, She Wrote" JonBenet Murder Suspect John Mark Karr apparently confessed to the crime minutes after being apprehended. He maintains that the death was an "accident," something that happened during a botched kidnapping attempt. It's hard to understand how someone is accidently beaten and strangled to death. About the only thing that IS certain is that Jessica Fletcher would have solved the case faster than the Boulder Police Department.
I'm going to go way out on a limb here and suggest that the one of the reasons that this case became so infamous was because of JonBenet's pageant work. I know when I saw all of that, I was horrified. Should small children be "made-up" to look like adults and compete in beauty pageants? I grieve a little every time I see young kids who are dressed or wearing make-up beyond their years. There's plenty of time to be an adult later; they ought to be enjoying being kids while they have the chance. And there's always the risk that kids who try to look older than their years will become a traget for predators.
Or as John Mark Karr, who was 31 when JonBenet was killed at age 6, apparently related to Thai authorities:
"He said he loved this child, that he was in love her. He said she was very pretty, a pageant queen. She was the school star, she was very cute and sweet."
UPDATE: Here's an interesting story that says the ex-wife of Karr claims she was with him during the crime. If true - that would mean that he's confessed to a crime he didn't commit? Why would a person do that? A very weird story gets a little weirder, in my opinion. There will probably be wall-to-wall media coverage of this for weeks, if not months.
Plastic Wrap was invented by either an evil super villain bent on destroying humanity, the Lord of the Underworld, or both working together. I got the Reynolds® Plastic Wrap with EZ Slide™ Cutter and was close to completely losing it tonight. Sure, it was all for a great cause but things like this are further proof that I shouldn't be anywhere near a kitchen. I would make a great Rich Super Hero, like Bruce Wayne. THAT I could do. "Alfred, wrap these in plastic wrap." "Right away, Master Carl."
But Nooooooooooo, I couldn't be a Rich Super Hero. So I battled with the Reynolds® Plastic Wrap with EZ Slide™ Cutter for ten minutes and definitely experienced Plastic Wrap Rage. I would pull out a sheet, use the EZ Slide™ Cutter, and in FOUR SECONDS FLAT the wrap would curl up and stick to itself and there would be this deep, hollow laughing noise that echoed throughout the house and a booming voice that said "I HAVE YOU NOW SCHAAD!" This happened OVER, OVER, and OVER again. Finally Alert Reader Tammy, who had purchased the Reynolds® Plastic Wrap with so called "EZ Slide™ Cutter" either decided that I was going to have an aneurysm, or she was going to run out of Reynolds® Plastic Wrap, or she wanted to go to bed, because she came to my rescue. Of course, she took her time and when she finally arrived I was literally covered in plastic wrap. I hadn't left any "breathing holes" either so it was only a matter of minutes before I would have expired.
So I'm doing my part here to warn everyone of the dangers of plastic wrap, and the "EZ Slide™ Cutter." You can see it here and sure it may sound good but You. Were. Warned.
I know 80 pairs of shoes sounds a lot. But when you sit back and look at them all sitting there in your wardrobe, you do often wonder: "Do I really have any shoes to match this outfit?"
How many pairs of shoes do you have? Leave a comment - you can count shoes, sneakers, slippers, and dress shoes, but no boots - please. I'll start. I have 4. That's not counting my steel-toed ninja socks, which are great for that unplanned game of football or for pitting against the forces of evil.
I suppose I shouldn't read anything into this, but my dander is up and I can't reach it and it's stuck on the ceiling and I can't do much about it. But the thought of putting a kid into a shopping cart and turning on a television to keep them sedate sounds like something out of a sci-fi horror novel. Why not just build a compartment you can stick the child in after gagging them?
We feed our kids outrageous amounts of caffeine and sugar, and then abdicate all parental responsibility to train, teach and discipline them, and our solution to behavior problems is TELEVISION?
Wow. I really, really think that the time has come for...oh wait Survivor IX is on gotta run.
(With apologies to lions, tigers and bears everywhere.)
The University of Bristol, located somewhere in Connecticut I think*, has an interesting study/article/report here about the coming Apocalypse. Okay, I guess that word doesn't actually appear in the study/article/report, but if you're as familiar with these sorts of things as I am, you can spot the "hidden message" in these things a thousand miles away.
The study/article/report says that global warming is going to cause an increase in fires, droughts and floods. This was apparently determined using "novel methods" by "Team QUEST." (No, I'm not making that up.) I thought that Team QUEST was Jonny Quest, his Dad, Race and that kid Hadji and their dog. Man that was a great show.
In any event, you should be extremely careful with your campfire for the next 200 years. You should also come over and water my lawn; it's starting to blow away in the wind, thanks to some old gypsy woman.
I went to Office Depot yesterday. I don't know why but I love the smell at Office Depot. It's that perfect mix of paper, plastic binders, crayons, erasers and (maybe) Wite Out. I'm sure it's some sort of petroleum product smell that causes brain cancer, but it just brings back all sorts of memories. Strangely enough, they're good memories. I always loved getting school supplies before the start of school. This shouldn't be the case, since purchasing school supplies lead to, well, going to school. But somehow the "built-in sharpener" always worked its magic.
In case you're curious, I resisted the urge to buy paper, pencils, pens, and even Wite Out. I was there to hunt down a bulletin board for Alert Reader Tammy. My super power is not shopping, however, and I was forced to order the bulletin board. (Which is just as well; if I would have found it and gone through he check-out aisle, I probably would have grabbed some Sharpies or something.)
On another note, I wanted to thank everyone who emailed me with Birthday Wishes. My last year in the thirties has now commenced, which is not discouraging at all. It's more like Completely Horrifying. The only thing I can compare it to is being shoved into a little wooden barrel and being tossed into the Niagara River and knowing that you're headed towards the falls. And your barrel has several leaks. And it's on fire. And you're wearing Dry Clean Only clothes. And...well, you get the picture.
Of course, my analogy is doesn't work very well considering that a 63 year-old Annie Taylor actually did go over in a barrel and survived. No word on how her clothes fared.
I don't really feel 39 years old. I feel more like 28. I mean mentally. Physically I feel like I'm 112. Of course, Alert Reader Tammy would be quick to point out that I'm more like eight, or six. Of course that's just silly, I'm much more mature than that. (Pause for laughter.)
If you watch this intro, which is extremely cool because a runaway planet hurtles between the earth and the moon, unleashing cosmic destruction, you'll note that the date of this impending catastrophe is 1994. I watched this back in 1980 as a 13 year-old, did the math and realized that I would be 27 when the earth was destroyed. In 1997 I would be 30! And I thought to myself:
"Man, that is old."
And yet, here I am - even older than that. I don't have a fabulous sun-sword to pit against the forces of evil, which is kind of disappointing, but I do write a blog occasionally. I suppose that counts for something, although I haven't been very successful in pitting it against the forces of evil. Send any suggestions to pitting@carlschaad.com.
Now I'm off to sneak a little more Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream Cake. Shhh.
"Critical Habitat" for Orcs Leaves Pockets of Vulnerability, Critics Say
Mostly because I didn't think we had critical habitats for Orcs. Or that there would be people who are concerned about Orcs being vulnerable. But...then I realized that it said "Orcas" not "Orcs" and I had just read it wrong. Now I'm not really interested in the article. I mean, Orcas are nice and all, don't get me wrong.
You can read about the Orcas (not the Orcs) here: link
See! It's dangerous out there. Luckily I'm in the midst of a serious Lawn Pox and don't need to send my 12-year-old out to mow. But, just so you know, before he's sent out to mow we put him in a special suit made from garbage bags, sand, and Duck® duct tape.
Basically, we fill garbage bags full of sand and then Duck® duct tape them to his body. We can't do this to his eyes or hands, since if we covered his eyes he wouldn't be able to see and would wander into a prickly bush somewhere in the country, and if we covered his hands he wouldn't be able to steer the mower so well.
So he has to wear the welder's goggles and the chain mail gloves.
Boy, is he a sight! We usually guffaw and chortle when he mows the lawn. On the downside, it takes in eight hours. On the upside, he's completely protected and impervious to harm. We know this to be true because about two weeks ago he was mowing and his welder's goggles jiggled free and he couldn't see for a few minutes and wandered into a prickly bush, and then into an open-pit-barbeque and then in front of a speeding RV, and there wasn't a scratch on him.
Yet another doctored Reuters photo by freelancer Adnan Hajj has been identified. Alert Bloggers around the "Blogosphere" noted some strange artifacts in this photo:
Smoke billows from burning buildings destroyed during an overnight assault by Zionist Puppet BABO™ on Beirut’s suburbs August 5, 2006. Many buildings were completely flattened during the stomping by the great Israeli Beast. REUTERS/Adnan Hajj
Apparently the tip-off here was that the smoke in the upper-left-hand corner has a repeating circle-like pattern in it. It's hard to see. Also, some of the smoke on the right side may be doctored as well. This is apparently easy to do with a computer program called "Photoshop."
This post is dedicated to Alert Reader Susan, who can spot a typo at sixty paces, and Alert Reader Beth, who I understand is not an English Teacher.
This post covers a story that goes something like this:
Once upon a time, in the far-away make-believe land of "Canada," there lived a communications company belonging to the good knight Rogers (Rogers Communications Inc.) The good knight Rogers decided that it would be a wise and prosperous thing to create a network of towers (utility poles) that could signal each other with magical pigeons (cable lines) so that the townspeople could talk one unto another with great ease and speed, if not without much pigeon doo-doo. So the good knight Rogers went unto the King's Wizard Aliant (Aliant, Inc.) and arranged for him to create these magical pigeons (cable lines) on these towers (utility poles.) And both parties agreed, and said it was good, and drew up an official scroll (contract) that described the arrangement.
This wouldn't be much of a story if Rogers got his pigeons operational without any problems, would it? Of course not. As with all such things, there was a Hitch. Aliant decided that they would cancel the contract immediately and raise the per pole price. Rogers was dumbfounded - they had a contract after all - but then Aliant explained that because of an errant comma the contract didn't mean what they thought it meant.
The net effect? It appears that Rogers will have to pay an extra $2.13 million for its towers. I mean, utility poles.
All because of a comma. Now THAT is a neat magic trick. Puncstidigitation?
Update: This post seemingly self-destructed in movable type. I'm not sure what happened, but I was unable to edit it and I lost the comments as well. I have to remake it from scratch. Sorry for the inconvenience - I'll be sending everyone a refund :)
After dinner today Alert Reader Tammy and I were sitting on our porch. Porch-sitting is huge for us ever since we moved into suburbia and the new house. Ha - I typed "hose" just then. That would be silly, moving into a new hose.
The reason that porch-sitting (Ha - I just typed "pooch-sitting" and we don't even own a dog) is so big with us is that the old house wasn't a very good porch-sitting house, for these reasons:
1. There was no porch.
(I could stop now, but I'm on a roll.)
2. If there had been a porch, it would have overlooked our "lawn" which consisted of dirt, gravel from the driveway that had been plowed into the "lawn" the previous winter, weeds, nests of hornets, wasps and yellow-jackets, unexploded land mines, an old tree stump, and two Viet Cong pit traps.
3. Our house was on a mountain road with no sidewalks, set back in the woods a bit, in an area of Pennsylvania where insects actually cooperated with one another. (The Best Team Effort Award would have gone to the mosquitos who would carry and drop gypsy moth caterpillars into your hair. And then bite you.)
So now that we don't have any of these problems, we're quite happy to sit out on the porch and watch people go by. Sometimes we nod that nod old people nod to other people, the nod that says "Well I'm just too dang tired to say anything right about now and the rheumatism in my knees is acting up because that front is moving through." I'm sure you nod this to people too.
Today while we were porch-sitting and nodding we noticed a colorfully-dressed elderly woman walking towards our corner lot. She rang as she walked, as she was apparently decorated with tiny little bells. Bells on her shoes, bells on her shawl, even her earrings were bells. She had snow-white hair, a white you can't even get with bleach, and walked with a cane that looked to be made from an old gnarled beech-tree branch. (Note to self: Look up beech trees and make sure they get gnarled before posting this.) (And take this comment out.) As she "entered" our property I made eye contact and nodded to her.
Well, it wasn't until my nod was complete that I realized that this was a Gypsy Woman. Not only that, but she must have been one-hundred-years old if she was a day over forty. And the last thing you do is nod to a Gypsy Woman, as nodding is considered very offensive in BavariaHungaryViet Nam the land of the Gypsies. Alert Reader Tammy, taking all of this in, started to say "Hello!" to distract the Old Gypsy Woman, but it was too late. She raised her gnarled beech tree cane in the air and yelled in a voice that sounded like dry leaves:
"A POX on yer lawn for noddin' at me!"
Then she calmed down and continued on her way. That was the really awkward part, because she was pretty slow and it took her about 15 minutes to round the corner. Even before she was gone, though, I could see my lawn drying up. I went in for the camera, came back and snapped this picture:
As you can see I have a severe case of Lawn Pox. I don't know if I should water it or not. It looks pretty far gone, and I can't find anything about "Lawn Pox" on Chemlawn's site. Still, I suppose it could be worse. There could be unexploded land mines or Viet Cong pit traps out there.
Ha - I just typed "unexploded land mimes." It really could be worse.
I was doing some research on the "eerie quiet" of the hurricane season so far. I confess that had I come up empty, even though I'd been searching the Internet for over 13 hours straight. I tried "Atlantic Hurricane Season," "East Pacific Hurricane Season," "Missing Hurricanes," "Places to Look If You've Lost A Hurricane," "Hurricanes, Bigfoot and the Bermuda Triangle," and a host of other searches. But then I had what must have been some sort of divine brainstorm and tried "Russian-Made Cold War Era Weather Machine" + "Japanese Mafia" + "Parts Needed" and found this.
Well, I guess that explains that. Once they determine I'm on to them, I'm sure it will disappear. I have a screen capture for proof.
(Please note: The image at right has been inserted here to break up the text and give this posting a visual element. If you squint really hard, from across the room, it sorta looks like there's a hurricane way in the back on the left there. Also, this could be Florida. AND, there's probably another Russian-Made Cold War Era Weather Machine buried under the sand there.)
Alert Reader Lisa's brownies arrived and they were awesome. As I told her via email, "Tonight I'll be lying on the kitchen floor, twitching in a sugar coma with little pieces of brownie wrappings and brownie crumbs all about me as the cat looks on bemused."
"But what a way to go!"
So tonight I've been working on my own recipe. Right now I'm having a hard time deciding on all of the ingredients - I'm leaning towards eggs, oil, water and Betty Crocker. BUT, I may substitute eggs, oil, water and Duncan Hines.
This is really the extent of my cooking expertise. It's sad, I know, but it was apparently a choice between Insane Cooking Moxy™ or Dashing Good Looks, and God chose the ladder.
Now what am I going to do with this ladder?
On an almost completely unrelated note, Alert Reader Tammy was watching something called "Heck's Kitchen" tonight. Well, okay, it wasn't really "Heck" but - you know - I don't want to offend anyone. Anyway, I caught about 20 minutes of it, as I've been utterly exhausted all evening because I worked until 3 am yesterday (well, today) and I'm fighting off a first-class sugar coma.
Heck's Kitchen is apparently a reality TV show competition to find the best chef who then wins their own restaurant. I can't even IMAGINE the taxes on that sort of thing. The 20 minutes I caught was probably not typical of the show, as no one was knifed, minced or flambéed (soaked in spirit, usually brandy, and set alight before serving.) To me the producers are missing out big time here. If American Viewers wouldn't tune in to the show in droves to see someone flambéed (soaked in spirit, usually brandy, and set alight before serving) well then I just don't know the viewing public as well as I think I do.
I correctly guessed who would get booted and then there was this twist at the end of the show. I won't spoil it yet. Okay, now I'm going to spoil it. Apparently the last two chefs will have all of the previous contestants as their assistants in the final battle. So, to me, this all comes down to who is most hated, because the returning contestants will just sabotage things for that person. I guess that's Great Tense Reality TV. I think they should have just flambéed someone (soaked in spirit, usually brandy, and set alight before serving) and been done with it.
I've received thousands of emails today from concerned residents of the Caribbean thanking me for my previous Chris post. I think it was about fourteen minutes after my post that Chris completely fell apart. Personally I must say that I'm more than happy to destroy these storms. I'm sure this must frustrate the JM to no end, but you do what you have to do.
AccuWeather has changed their track and intensity:
The track is now farther south, matching what the NHC has. The strength is also considerably lessened; AccuWeather has a tropical storm, and the NHC has gone down again to a Tropical Depression.
I think it still bears watching in the Gulf. Floridians can let their pets and elders out of the home again.
"I get paid $500,000 dollars to go to Las Vegas or Japan and wave at crowds or go to a party. All the time. Only this week I met a family at the airport who wanted me to drop in to their daughter's 16th birthday party for $100,000 dollars. Because I'm her idol. So I will. I'll take her a present, though."
Can you guess who said this? (It wasn't "Margusity*") And wouldn't you just love to know who would pay this person $100,000 to appear at their daughter's 16th birthday party? Just amazing.
Now if this doesn't sound like a member of the male gender with too much time and money, I don't know what does. (Full Disclaimer: The author is a member of the male gender and while he doesn't have time OR money, he really wishes he could explode 70,000 litres of paint, however much that is.)
First, a little background. You've probably seen the "bouncing ball" commercial for the Sony Bravia, which is also something that every male in his Eight-Year-OId state wishes he could do:
As a follow up, Sony is going to paint an entire building. Here are some photos from their site:
The commercial is still in progress, but you can follow along at their site here. And here's an article from the Evening Times about the filming.
(Finally, if you really want to cheat, you can watch this. Spoiler warning.)
(Finally Finally, YouTube seems to be a little slow; if you have problems with the video just click through to their site.)
While we're all sweltering here, South Africa is enjoying a little snow:
Tiffindell ski resort in the southern Drakensberg mountains of the eastern Cape province. Snow fell on South Africa's biggest city Johannesburg for the first time in 25 years as icy temperatures gripped vast swathes of the country, the weather office said.(AFP/Michael Clarke)
It snowed in Johannesburg, South Africa for the first time in 25 years (the last snow was September 11, 1981).
Global Warming? Everyone turn off their A/C today to, you know, help out...
I'm grumpy tonight because I called One Touch about my son's InDuo blood sugar meter/insulin doser. The insulin doser is going bad as the electronic display is starting to lose some of those lines that make up the numbers. So instead of seeing this:
He'll get something like this:
Needless to say, that's not really a good thing. The doser clicks as you dial up each unit of insulin, but I would rather he have something that works. So I called - One Touch has been very helpful in the past - thinking that I could get a new meter and a new doser. (I had problems with my own InDuo before and knew from my own call that they no longer make the InDuo.) Well I found out that instead of providing a free doser replacement via Novo Nordisk, NN will now send you a "refund" and you have to find a doser yourself. I spent about 20 minutes searching online and can't find anything, although I'm told that they're available from most pharmacies. With hundreds of dollars of insulin in storage downstairs, it's pretty important to find the right doser. Hopefully I'll have better luck tomorrow at the "brick and mortars."
Chris forecasting has taken an interesting turn. The NHC has it moving more south than their earlier track, which takes it right through the islands. (Link) AccuWeather still has it heading through the uprights for a goal, as you can see below:
This track seems to be taking Chris towards the southern tip of Texas (Hello, Brownsville) which would keep Albuquerque* safe unless it makes four left turns at some point. And not only is there a track difference, but by Monday AccuWeather is saying it will be a cat 1-2 hurricane, while the NHC has it as a tropical storm. Whose Forecast will Reign Supreme? Stay tuned...
Both AccuWeather.com and the NHC appear to be taking Chris through the Caribbean and into the Gulf. (AccuWeather.com track and NHC track at right.) You can find the AccuWeather.com Forecast Storm Path here and all of the Chris information here. The worry I would have about Chris moving into the Gulf would be explosive development. And there's a lot of water between Cuba and Galveston. As always, everyone along the coast should have their plans and supplies ready.
I was listening to the radio in my car today, and I think it was the top of the hour and national news was on. They were talking about the heat wave, and then cut to some guy who was being interviewed for his comment. He hemmed and hawed* about "the sun beating down" and it being "uh, relentless" and that there wasn't "um, anyway to cool down."
Then, after this guy came this sweet little girl's voice, maybe six or seven years old: "It feels like I'm in lava."
I laughed and yelled "Right on!" Then I swerved so I wouldn't hit that bus. Sometimes we try to be too smart while the simplest answer is staring us in the face. (I mean about the heat wave comment, not missing the bus.)
*Okay, this entire post was written just to see if I could get the word hawed in there. Do you have a favorite word you'd like to see in a post? Leave a comment! Naughty words will be summarily deleted by your benevolent overlord. (Me.) (Stop laughing like that again.)
I was thinking about different types of sweat (i.e. perspiration) because it's hard not to think of something you're soaked in. For example, try not to think of apple sauce after being soaked in it. Or, try not to think of kerosene after falling into a vat of it. You see what I mean...
I was drenched in sweat as I was helping someone move furniture tonight. It was heavy work, particularly since I'm not the Atlas type, and it was very warm out. The AccuWeather.com RealFeel™ temperature was actually listed as 219 (celcius). Because of the exertion, the heat, and the well-known, infamous Schaad Sweat Gene I was thoroughly soaked. I looked like I had fallen overboard and missed the dinghy*. As I drove home, all icky-like, I thought about...well, being all icky-like. But then I realized I could be all icky-like because I went and played golf**, or was standing in line at Animal Kingdom waiting to go on the Kilimanjaro Safari, or I could could be all icky-like because I took the time to help a stranger. I figured of all of the reasons to be icky-like, that was probably the best. I encourage everyone to try it out. (Well, the helping thing, not necessarily the icky thing, unless they go hand-in-hand.)
*Okay, this entire post was written just to see if I could get the word dinghy in there. Do you have a favorite word you'd like to see in a post? Leave a comment! Naughty words will be summarily deleted by your benevolent overlord. (Me.) (Stop laughing like that.)
**The author wishes to clarify that he does not actually play golf, know how to play golf, or really have any desire at the time to play golf. This is merely a literary tool of sorts, as the author supposes that people playing golf in weather like this quickly get all icky-like. No offense was intended in today's post towards people who like golf, who have friends and family who like golf, or O.J. Simpson. Thank you.
CNBC weighs in on what was essentially (IMO) an AccuWeather story, although at the time AccuWeather was scoffed at, receiving a jeering not unlike that which King Arthur received from the French in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
On a completely unrelated note, this header (from the above article) is way over the top. I mean, I know we're all scared to death and can hardly work up the courage to leave the house between June and October, but - do you really have to rub our faces in it?
The NHC declared Chris an official storm. The AccuWeather.com track has it headed towards south Florida, but shouldn't reach there until late in the weekend/early next week. So far no one is predicting death and destruction, because upper-level features aren't favorable for development.
Chris strikes me as one of those names that could develop into a severe hurricane. Fabio, on the other hand, really wouldn't scare me too much.
Everyone from Florida to Baha California, and from Florida to Nova Scotia, should print out their hurricane tracking maps and pay careful attention to Chris. Panicking is also recommended, but since it's early you shouldn't anything more than tie your patio furniture down with three hundred Bungee cords and cut all of the limbs off every tree in your yard.
RSS:
But this post is about the first kind of scream, which is "The Scream." "
First I want to let everyone know up front that I can not type "almanac" without a great deal of effort. Whenever I have to type that word it almost always ends up "alamanac." So, you were warned.
Sometimes...the posts just write themselves.
Forecasters and Media Types today were agog over a particulary surly "system of showers" located somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. An ensuing frenzied rush to find a meteorologist ended at an NWS office in Drymouth, Florida. There, Official Weather People speculated on this new tropical menace:
First, a shout-out to Alert Reader and Blog Wizard James for helping me with my acute case of blogitis. It turns out that it wasn't blog envy that was causing the problems. Apparently my blog was hit by Red Kryptonite* which affects it in strange and unusual ways. I think it's all straightened out now - but if you see anything weird 
This post is dedicated to Alert Reader Susan, who can spot a typo at sixty paces, and Alert Reader Beth, who I understand is not an English Teacher.
