My wit was called upon (okay, everyone else was busy) to help out with Kate Bilo's blog as she is out in the midwest somewhere waiting for a blizzard. Stop by and wish Kate well, and check out her video reports from the scene with the AccuWeather Film Crew ("Vern")
The first Rock of the winter season seems to be headed to State College with a vengeance. AccuWeather.com has some news on this winter storm, and you can check in with my nemesis Henry for insights into winter weather beyond this storm. The first storm should leave a good swatch of snow from OK to MI (if you're "fortunate" enough to score in this regard takes lots of pictures!) as well as some "icy mix" in a line to the east. Everyone take care with the bad weather, drive slow (or not at all) and don't overdo it with the first shoveling of the year (this tends to be an issue with the first snowfall.)
The storm that may follow, on Monday, will be to our east and too far to make much of a difference. Alert Cashier Tammy, who may or may not hate to drive in winter weather, will be heaving a sigh of relief. How long will our snow drought hold up?
(I should explain, for both of my new readers, that the rock thing comes from "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" wherein Charlie goes door to door with his friends trick-or-treating, only to check his bag afterwards and find out that he was given a Rock. How Charles Schultz came up with the idea of adults passing out Rocks to kids will always amaze me, particularly in the day that he did (nowadays that's probably not that far-fetched.) I love snow, and yet live in State College, PA - a valley that often just misses getting snowed on. This phenomenon of being "just missed" by snow has been named "Getting a Rock.")
(If THAT doesn't clear it all up, I'm not sure what would.)
I was wrestling with the RSS feed last night, which is not unlike wrestling with the hydra and Hercules can tell you how difficult that was. Fortunately I'm using a Mac, not the PC laptop Hercules had (given to him by Hera, of course.) I think I managed to do something to the feed to make it work. This is usually how I fix things: I do random things until something seems to work properly or whatever I'm working on explodes and there's nothing let to work on anymore. (Then I would call an expert, or email Hercules.)
If you have a minute and use any sort of RSS reader, particularly Yahoo! which has always hated my feed, try this out and let me know if you have any luck*
That's Quote of the Day. This is actually a week or so old, but I still love it. From the StarNewsOnline.com:
In Lewis Center, Ohio, near Columbus, Cindy Milsap, 43, and her daughter, Ashley, 20, woke up before dawn to drive to the nearby Wal-Mart Supercenter, which advertised a 52-inch high-definition television for $474. “We don’t really need a new TV," Ms. Milsap said. "But at that price? C’mon."
You've probably heard about the "carbon footprint" - which is a measurement of emitted CO2. When people talk about their personal carbon footprint they're talking about the amount of CO2 they generate. Laura Hannon at AccuWeather's Global Warming blog has a post on this you can find here.
Today I was thinking about something almost completely unrelated. I'm going to call it the "compassion footprint" since footprints are in vogue. The Compassion Footprint would be a measurement of emitted compassion. I have to confess that I don't always emit a high level of compassion. This past week I was challenged to think about my own personal compassion and how I can make a difference in the lives of others less fortunate.
I also spent some time thinking about my Compassion Footprint in years past and how that's measured up. That brought to mind the original "Compassion Footprint" movie, It's a Wonderful Life. I'm sure you know it: In the movie George Bailey (played by the inimitable James Stewart) has convinced himself that he's better off dead and is about to end it all - but is saved by his wingless guardian angel Clarence. Clarence then takes George on a trip through a world that hadn't been blessed by George's generosity, compassion and caring.
It's a classic movie, and Clarence sums up the whole of it in this line:
Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?
But to take that one step further, not only do our lives touch so many other lives, but every day we have the opportunity to consciously choose to multiply that. It might seem to us a small gesture, but we never know how a small act will domino into something huge. Whether you drop off some groceries at the local food bank, pack a shoebox for "Operation Christmas Child," drop off a toy in a Toys for Tots barrel or something else, consider how you can increase your own Compassion Footprint in the coming weeks. And remember that no matter how small you might think the kindness is, it's going to be a blessing to the person receiving it.
For those of you who really want to go "out of this world" and can't be bothered with something mundane like adopting a lemur, there's always lunar real estate.
Lunar real estate?" you ask. "Wasn't that already bought up by the owners of Google and Donald Trump?" Well, fortunately I'm breaking the lunar real estate story early enough so that you can get in on the ground floor.
Moon Shop, coincidentally found at MoonShop.com, is offering one acre parcels of land on the moon for only $19.95. Well, plus $1.51 lunar tax. Of course, this begs the question: Who is collecting this lunar tax? A check of the current lunar map (at right) should answer this quickly enough: aliens who have already begun colonizing the moon as a forward base for destruction of the Earth via laser-beam-controlled hurricanes are obviously collecting taxes from their neighbors.
I'm sure you've already visited MoonShop.com to check it all out, but in the unlikely event that you have stuck with me this long I'll summarize some of the more interesting points you'll find on the site:
1. This is not a joke
2. This is the cheapest real estate in the universe
3. Other companies selling lunar property are doing so without authority, soliciting your money for unauthorized products.
4. This is no joke.
5. You can't buy land on the other side of the moon.
6. "We have plans to move to the Moon soon."
7. This is probably not a joke.
Incidentally, do you say "koo-pon" or "que-pon"? I won't bias anyone here who wants to weigh in and will let you know what the correct answer is in a day or two.
Here's the second of my near-endless supply of Christmas coupons:
I've made the Midnight Run to the local grocery store many times, but even if I'm willing to do so Alert Reader Tammy still enjoys having the coupon. I think it's sort of a Get-Out-of-Guilt Free card. Normally it isn't used on bread or milk because - I mean - who really needs that at midnight? But Häagan-Dazs or People magazine? That's gold.
(Sorry, but the coupon isn't designed to include certain hygiene products. Some things are just way beyond the call of duty. Of course, you can scratch that part out if you're feeling particularly bold.)
This is the first in what I hope will be a series of posts about unusual gift ideas. Ideally, this series will number more than two, but right now that's how many unusual gift ideas I have. So, I guess I'm saying that you probably shouldn't wait for me to give you gift ideas.
While there are more animals for adoption than I can mention here, (I really though long and hard about "Tree Frog," "Dugong," "Clown Fish" and everyone's favorite, "Blue Footed Booby") I wanted to pay particular attention to the Polar Bear. The reason I wanted to do this is because Polar Bear is listed first. But another, equally good reason is because the Polar Bear is getting hit hard by global warming.
Many of you might not know that global warming is causing the Arctic ice cap to melt earlier and freeze later each year. This is a huge hardship, as it causes the Polar Bear to have to tread water longer each year, which is tiring. It also plays havoc with cable reception and Thursday night poker.
You will receive, depending on your adoption level, a photo of your adopted Polar Bear**, a certificate of adoption, a stuffed version of your Polar Bear***, and at the $30,000 level monthly letters from your Polar Bear****.
This is sure to please any hard-to-buy-for person on your shopping list!
*Each adoption is symbolic and your donation will be used to fight threats like habitat loss and poaching faced by critically endangered species and to support WWF's worldwide conservation efforts. Your gift is fully tax deductible to the extent of the law. No shoes, no shirt - no service.
**Not, ah, actually your actual adopted Polar Bear.
***No Polar Bears were harmed in the stuffing of this faux substitute bear.
****Actual letters written by a WWF intern. Your Polar Bear is too busy treading water to write.
Alert Cashier Tammy worked at Target® on Black Friday. This is like volunteering to work at the Post Office April 15th. But Tammy's never been one to shy away from a challenge.
I received a de-briefing after the Big Day, and learned all about the shopping habits of the typical human typical Target® Guest. (They call us "Guests" a la Disney.) Probably the most surprising thing that I've learned so far is that it's very common for people to enter the check-out line and "give back" things. In other words, someone will enter a line with eight items and say, "I don't want this, and I don't want this." I find that extremely odd. If you didn't want it, great. Don't bring it to me to show me what you don't want. But this is popular and apparently everyone does it.
(As an aside, I confess that when I do decide that I don't want something in my cart I will actually go all the way back to where I found it and put it back. Or, I put it in someone else's cart when they aren't looking. But I never knew the cashiers would take it.)
The other great mystery that Tammy cleared up for me is, "What do the cashiers do when you leave the store?" This has always puzzled me, much like that light that turns on in the refrigerator when you open the door. It's like, they know that I have the door open.
Apparently, when you leave the store and there are no more people to check out, the cashiers will walk to the end of their aisles, kind of mill around, and eventually talk to one another. This actually happened to Tammy. She was standing there are the end of her aisle, milling around all innocent-like, waiting for a customer guest to serve, when the girl in the next aisle over said something to her.
"I'm not ticklish anymore."
Now, you're probably thinking that I made that up, or that I removed the part of the conversation before that part which actually put it in context. But nope, you would be wrong. This person apparently then went into some detail about their ticklishness, their inability to be tickled, and so on. Tammy was forced to clutch her chest and fall down with a scream like a heart-attack victim, thereby ending the conversation. (Fortunately, a guest came to check out at that exact moment.)
The writer in me sort of wishes that I had a job in retail. Sort of. But then, I'm not very ticklish either.
While that title could refer to my own inability to cook even after [age redacted] years, I'm instead referring to the mass extinctions predicted because of the global warming thing. Laura has a good post here about the coming (occurring?) extinctions. My question is - why don't we see any species evolving instead of just dying? If climate changes like the one we're apparently in are enough to kill off whole species, wouldn't you think that by now, after quintillions of years, that the Earth would be completely empty? I'm assuming that we're had climate switches (even more dramatic) than this one in the past. I'm just dying to see a frog develop built-in air conditioning, or heat vision, or what have you.
And, to make this post only slightly more controversial: How about that O.J.?
CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) has successfully powered up the world's largest superconducting magnet. It's 110 tons, 16' wide and 82' long. I don't know if you can see him, but there's a guy in the photo at right.
The magnet will smash protons together. Although I know very little about physics, I'm always amazed when I read these sorts of things. I mean, just think about that for a second. They're going to smash protons together.
While this is apparently the largest superconducting magnet, the title of today's post harkens back to an old episode of Get Smart, wherein Siegfried had created the "Maxi-Magnet" - a super powerful magnet that was going to be used to attract and ground an entire fleet of ships on a fake floating island which would then sink. The island, ironically enough, was the same set used for Gilligan's Island. (Max ended up defeating the Maxi-Magnet with a more powerful, small watch-sized magnet - the "Mini-Magnet.")
The magnet is called the "Barrel Toroid." I looked up "Toroid" in the dictionary and it said the following:
toroid: a surface generated by a closed plane curve rotated about a line that lies in the same plane as the curve but does not intersect it
I thought about that for fifteen minutes and I think I almost had it, but then my brain melted.
Well, okay, not a whole lot but still it's pretty unusual.
WFTV.com reports here that snowflakes were spotted in Central Florida. Furthermore, the snowflakes were in the air at the time. Now this wasn't snowflakes like Northeast Snowflakes. We're talking about 1-2 flakes per cubic meter of air. (According to the National Weather Service, who employs dedicated and highly trained staff to measure this sort of thing.) Although snow shovels were not needed, some flakes were accused of hitting the ground before they melted. They were roundly mocked by the pavement upon contact, and withered quickly from embarrassment.
Whenever I hear about snow in Orlando I think of Disney World. This is due to two things: 1. Everything makes me think about Disney World and 2. During the Christmas Season Disney World pumps fake snow over Main Street. It's not quite the same as real snow, but you really don't want real snow falling while you're waiting in a line 200 people deep to ride Dumbo.
Cold weather in Orlando is pretty unusual too. The low was expected to drop into the 30s, although by this weekend the high will be back to 81. (30 degrees, incidentally, is the point at which native Floridians take the boards off the windows from hurricane season, break them up and set them on fire for warmth.)
I'm still banking on a brutal, snowy winter now that Alert Cashier Tammy is working Friday and Saturday nights. We'll see.
Alert Reader and Tasty Turkey Fan Lori recently provided me with a list of little-known turkey facts. Now, I've read a lot of things on the Internet - some even true - and I'm not sure what to think of these little-known turkey facts.
The facts appear to come from relatively trustworthy sources. For example, the University of Illinois has a list of turkey facts on this page. They get points for being a university, and points for having their page available in Spanish. But I'm still not sure I can believe this:
Turkeys have heart attacks. The United States Air Force was doing test runs and breaking the sound barrier. Nearby turkeys dropped dead with heart attacks.
I have mental image of thousands of turkeys just dropping like dominos as Air Force jets fly overhead. The farmer, hearing the death-crys of thousands of turkeys, rushes out to see his beloved birds all lying dead. Being the compassionate farmer he is, he then orders autopsies for all of the animals to find out what happened.
"It's bad Jim. They all died - of heart attacks. Something scared these birds to death."
If this was a movie, Jim would then look past the doctor who did the autopsy and the camera would focus on the calendar on the wall - November 22, the day before Thanksgiving.
Seriously though, I didn't think that fear or loud noises caused heart attacks, I thought it was clogged arteries? Not that turkeys are normally healthy birds. Too much turkey, especially that dark meat stuff, can clog your arteries real quick. So maybe they're born pre-clogged? I don't know. It all sounds mighty suspicious to me. It's much more likely that the Air Force was conducting the "Troop Neutralizing Gas Delivery System" instead of the "Breaking the Sound Barrier Test" and needed a good cover story.
If anyone out there has had their pet turkey die of heart failure, or knows Farmer Jim, or the doctor who did the autopsies, leave a comment.
In any event, enjoy your Thanksgiving!
TIPS (Terribly Important Post Script) One can sympathize more with Ben Franklin now, who proposed the turkey as the Official Bird of the United States. This would have been YEARS before the first turkeys died from a sonic boom created by Air Force Tests, so Ben was probably unaware of the delicate nature of the turkey heart.
I don't know where I've been, but I came across this article about the difficulty of obtaining insurance for coastal residents in Maine. Not only was I surprised there were coastal residents in Maine, but I had no idea they had insurance problems. When you think of insurance problems for coastal residents, you think (well, I do) of Louisiana and Florida primarily.
(As an aside, having been to Bar Harbor, I do know that Maine has coastal areas, but it seemed at the time that they were 98.9% tourists.)
However, the thing that really struck me was that there are insurers for insurers. They're called "reinsurance companies." I suppose this should not come as any surprise, nor would it surprised me at this point if there were re-reinsurance companies, but I never really thought about it. Normally I do spend most of my waking hours thinking about insurance though. The article goes on to say that reinsurance companies have raised rates 300-400% in recent years. I suppose this explains why some insurance groups, like Allstate, have started dropping people.
Leave a comment if you have seen insurance rates skyrocket, if you live on the coast, if you live in Maine, or on the coast in Maine. And, if you live on the coast in Maine and have seen rates skyrocket leave a comment because I'll have to send you a fruit basket or something.
Well Halloween has come and gone, which can only mean one thing: It's time to get ready for Christmas. I confess to being an unabashed Christmas freak. I find it very easy to get excited about Christmas (it usually begins in September) and very depressed December 26. Of course, while I love Christmas I could do without the Christmas Shopping.
This is because I'm a male, and the extent of my Christmas Shopping Finesse is "Gift Card." But this year, in an attempt to be an even more useful blog, I've decided to help all of the other males in the audience with gift ideas.
This first series of gift ideas will actually be downloadable, printable coupons. You can download/save/print the coupons right out of the blog, or get the framed set for only $199.95. The framed set will look very impressive. For an extra $39.95 I'll create a digital picture* of you working hard on your computer making the printable coupons. (*Digital picture of you working hard on your computer making the printable coupons requires a digital photo of yourself and your computer. Or, well, it won't be very believable unless you look a lot like Henry.)
Here's the first coupon:
Men, ladies love a Bug Hero - but even more, they love a Bug Hero who doesn't say things like "What's all the screaming? A spider? Are you serious?" This coupon will say that you really care about how she feels. Not only will you take care of the bug, and dispose of it afterwards, but no complaining about the request! This also means you shouldn't try to show your wife the smished/smushed/smooshed bug before the disposal.
Good luck!
NOTE: Please note that I have a disclaimer on the card for bugs over 2' tall. This is for your own safety. While you are free to try and destroy bugs over 2' tall, Blog Hero Enterprises does not recommend this unless you have something handy like a rolled up newspaper, a bat, tazer, pitchfork or flaming nunchakus of death.
Until now. Last night in true, ironic Blog Hero form I made myself a Hungry Man Dinner. This was ironic because the previous post talked about giant male lizards going extinct because they will eventually run out of Hungry Man dinners. (Well, you have to read the post for any of that to make any sense at all.) The Hungry Man Dinner that I had was the "Turkey Breast" variety. Previously it came with peas and a cranberry compote. But NOW, it comes with corn and a brownie. I know what you're thinking: "How can you get a brownie into a microwavable dinner?" Unfortunately the answer does not involve any of the following words: appetizing, delightful, tasty or yummy.
Before you cook the meal, you have remove the Protective Plastic Cooking Film over the brownie area. Then you microwave the meal for five minutes, which sounds pretty quick but when you're hungry it really is an eternity. Then you take the meal out of the microwave. At this point the Brownie has ballooned out of it's small area and is attempting to flee. You have to scoop out the brownie, stir up your turkey, and then cook the meal for three more minutes. I am not making this up. Sure, I could have bought a meal that you just put in the microwave, cook and then eat, but where's the fun in that?
While the meal was cooking for the last three minutes I examined the brownie I had carefully scooped out of my dinner. It was all crumbly-like on a napkin. Surely the saddest looking "brownie" that ever was. In spite of this, I tried some. I mean, how bad could it be? It was a brownie!
I was forced to conclude that the answer was "pretty bad" as I threw it out. In defense of brownies everywhere, it's possible that it wasn't really a brownie, but some other cake-like food thing that vaguely resembled a brownie.
The rest of the meal was okay, although my Extremely Hot Protective Plastic Cooking Film got everywhere and then at point point clung to my hand causing me to scream like a little girl.
This morning as I arrived at work the crows, grackles, and starlings were all laughing at me. You know, that annoying, obnoxious "caw caw" thing that sounds like "ha ha." As I got my bag out I thought, "The Crows are Laughing at Me." Then I thought, "That's a great name for a book, maybe even an autobiography." Last night, someone got that question out of the Bag.* "What title would you pick for your autobiography?"
I'd love to hear autobiography thoughts out there - leave them in comments. Although I'm, you know, trademarking the crow thing.
*Mysterious references to the Bag will remain mysterious until further notice.
Female tuataras, that is. For the uninitiated, the tuatara is a gigantic lizard found in New Zealand which feeds on trees, automobiles and slow people. Okay, I made that up. They're actually about 20" long, although that makes this post much less exciting .
So why is Global Warming killing the females? Believe it or not, the warmer the temperature during incubation the more likely a male will hatch. So as global temperatures rise (from global warming, natch) more males will be hatched, and if it gets warm enough you'll eventually get 100% males. And, it doesn't take a great deal of imagination to figure out what would happen then. (The lizards would be forced to live on pot pies and microwavable Hungry Man™ dinners until the refrigerators are empty, at which point they would starve and die in front of the television.)
You can read all about the plight of the female tuatara here. So, the next time you walk past that room with the lights on that no one is in, think of the female tuatara and - please - turn those lights off.
Someone wrote me today asking why I was AWOL from the blog. Actually, I'm paraphrasing but AWOL does stand for "Absent Without Official Leave" which describes not blogging perfecting. I'm not sure whom/where to petition to get Official Leave, but I imagine it's some sort of giant blogging committee located in Hoboken.
In any event, I've been blogged-out having recently designed and constructed a global warming blog, with the help of dedicated, talented brainy types too numerous to mention. (But hat tip to MT genius James Spears) Global Warming is a fascinating subject. I can blog all I want to about Global Warming here because this is my own, private, not-connected-to-any-weather-company, no-one-reads blog. In fact, I can even say "Global Warming, Schmarming" and I don't have to get that cleared by anyone anywhere, particularly Official Types in Hoboken.
But Laura is doing an admirable job on a very difficult topic, so stop by and say hello. Bonus points for using my name, although if she replies and says "Who?" don't, you know, put much stock in that she's just kidding. Really.
AccuWeather Global Warming Blog Header Thing
The pain of working on another blog has faded, some, and I think I might be able to get back to writing. I'm going to watch the stats, though, and if all of you have found something better to do, like scour the web for downloadable pdf coloring pages of elk and deer and print them out and color them in, well then I may retire. The only possible caveat is the winter; if we get a mild winter that doesn't make much of a difference, but if we were to have a severe apocalyptic winter it would be nice to blog about all of that snow. Normally I would say we have a snowball's you know in you know of having an actual winter. But this winter is different, because Alert Future Cashier Tammy may have to drive every weekend to Target which means snow over the entire northeast each Friday and Saturday.
Speaking of Target, Alert Applicant Tammy passed her drug test with flying colors. Orientation starts tomorrow, wherein she learn things like "How to take down an irate Christmas Shopper with only your bare hands and a DVD of Santa Clause 2 which coincidentally is on sale for $12.99 this week only."
Finally, I close with a Global Warming story that may not be featured on any weather blogs that you frequent. Via Drudge I see that the U.N. has created a booklet called "Tore and the Town on Thin Ice" which you can find as a PDF here. My favorite two-page spread would have to be this:
Scene from "Tore and the Desolate Planet Once Called Earth"
Personally, I'm looking forward to future titles in the series, such as "Tore and the Town of Skin Cancer Zombies Living Under the Ginormous Ozone Hole" and "Tore and the Meteorologist Who Lived Next Door with a Snow Blower." Scary stuff.
If not, definitely a sign of, you know, the chapters right before the end. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't covered in Henry's my nemesis' blog: "Plan to create human-cow embryos". Isn't this how most sci-fi/horror movies start out? You're introduced to a group of people. Most of them have obvious character defects that cause you to hate them almost immediately. One or two of them seem nice enough, and probably say early in the movie, "No! Mixing cows and humans can only result in a genetic mutant Cowman abomination that will surely destroy us all!" Of course, they won't be heeded. And the scientists will go on to make the Cowman, which will turn out to be a genetic mutant abomination that will destroy the entire cast except for the one or two sympathetic characters. In the end, the cowman will be killed...or, will he? What's that rising from the fog-enshrouded, muck-encrusted swamp? Is it...yes! A bovine hoof thrusts out of the water!
Fade to black. Start filming Cowman 2: Udder Death.
Alert Reader and Concert Goer Tammy, who may or may not be my wife, found herself at Target today working one of their Employment Application Computer Kiosks. I spent twenty minutes trying to turn that into a witty acronym, but the closest I could come to something semi-intelligent was CAKE and at that point I just gave up. Tammy was applying for a part-time position for the holidays, because everyone knows that the best time to work in retail is during the holidays. I, of course, am a wonderfully empathetic and supportive husband and when approached about the idea said, "You want to do WHAT?"
Okay, I made that up. I mean, the part about what I said not being a wonderfully empathetic and supportive husband. I encouraged her to check it out because I figured it would be a great source of blogging material. Shoppers - a group to which I sadly belong - are already thoroughly brain-damaged. Mix in the stress of the holiday season and you have the makings of great drama, if not outright comedy.
(Full disclaimer: In addition to Target being a great source of blogging material the thought did cross my mind that having an inside plant during the holiday season might make obtaining rare, sold-out LEGO sets actually possible.)
Tammy reports that the Target CAKE was slightly easier than the SATs. It took about as long, though, as I sat in the Target Cafe waiting like any empathetic and supportive husband would. My empathetic and supportive brain was thinking things like, "Do I have time to buy, accessorize and eat a hot dog without being caught, even though dinner is in an hour?" and "Should I go check the LEGO aisle?" and "How long am I reasonably expected to be supportive and empathetic?"
The Target CAKE is a brilliant idea though. They use a computer, essentially, to screen candidates. There were all sorts of interesting, difficult and employee-screening questions. At one point, and I am not making this up, the person operating the CAKE next to Tammy leaned over and asked "What number is November?" Tammy, in the midst of the following question on her own application:
Fawn lives on a hill. She goes to work by bicycle at an average speed of 21 miles an hour. Work is 10.7 miles away. She returns home at an average speed of 13 miles per hour along the same 10.7 mile route. What do you tell Fawn when she approaches you in an eggnog-enhanced rage because the LEGO aisles are completely bare?
was too distracted to reply properly, and so said "11."
Now, you might be thinking "But, that's right!" Ha! You have a lot to learn about the cold hard work world. This person sitting next to Tammy was applying at the same company as Tammy. (Target - please try to keep up.) Therefore, she was a competitor. And as any male (such as myself) knows, the objective is to crush all competitors. So the appropriate answer in this case was one of the following:
1. "6"
2. "14"
3. "Pi"
In all seriousness, you have to wonder about a question like that. This person was somewhere between 17-21, we estimate, and by then you should probably be able to convert months into numbers. At another point, this person also asked about references. "Is that me?" Tammy, again entirely too helpful, replied that references were "friends." The appropriate, competition-crushing answer would have been one of the following:
1. "6"
2. "Yes."
3. "Just put down 'No drug test please.'"
After the CAKE episode Tammy was actually ushered into a small employee-culling room for a mini-interview. She was asked all sorts of interview questions like "Why do you want to work here instead of Wal-Mart?" and "If you find a cart full of bags with "Target Money, Large Bills" written on the side what would you do?" which she handled beautifully. I say that because I know her, not because I butted into the interview or anything. That's usually bad form, when the husband just crashes the interview. I was busy being supportive, empathetic and hungry in the cafe, watching weenies roll over and over endlessly in the little weenie-roasting machine.
After the mini-interview Tammy met me in the cafe, where I was busy stuffing an accessorized hot dog into my mouth and trying to look nonchalant. It turns out that not only did the mini-interview go beautifully but she earned a trip to round two for the maxi-interview and then the complementary drug test after that. She's still not sure about taking a job, should they offer one, but for now I'm just paying her for the material.
I've also coached her on how to "help" people applying to the same job as she, in case that should ever come up again.
No sooner do I unveil my plan to assemble the largest LEGO® army in history in an attempt to conquer my workplace - beginning with my nemesis Henry - than LEGO® reorganizes and experiences production issues. This means that they are apparently selling out of all of the popular LEGO® sets right before Christmas. Alert Reader Andrea sent this link to this article by the AP with the blood-curdling title of "Lego Says It's Running Out of Toys." As a curious aside, the AP didn't render LEGO in uppercase, even though the company itself does.
So what does this mean for you? Well, the first thing you need to do is consult your Christmas Shopping List, also known as the Holiday Shopping List, and see who on there might want a LEGO something. That person then needs to be prioritized. Wives, children and parents are A-listers and if they really want a LEGO something you'll be forced to go to eBay and pay ten thousand dollars for the latest Star Wars or Harry Potter LEGO thing. If the person is a cousin, aunt, uncle, Harry Belafonte, a husband or the Japanese Mafia, then you're dealing with a B-lister and you can substitute something reasonable like something from the AccuMall, chocolate, drums, BlogHero wear, cymbals, vitamin E or nunchakus. Anyone else on your list is a C-lister, like convenience store clerks or weather company co-workers (I mean, coworkers), and you probably shouldn't be buying them LEGO somethings anyway because they'd just have to reciprocate with something and, well, they don't know you intimately and will just get stressed and have to resort to a gift card or something from the AccuMall. And really, who needs that extra stress during the holidays? Exactly.
I just put a few bids on some things on eBay; I'm "Bloghreo32" in case you think you can get in there and do battle with me (I had some trouble typing, hence the name) but be warned: I have a whole group of A-listers who want little LEGO Chewbaccas and Boba Fetts and they will not be denied.
Note: The image above is the author's graphical depiction of the sadness all little boys and girls are going to feel Christmas Morning when they open their presents and discover not LEGOs but barometers and weather stations because LEGO could not meet demand. No offense is intended towards LEGO, the LEGO Group, LEGO shareholders, hard working Denmark folk, hard working LEGO employees who have been relocated to the Czech Republic and Mexico, or the Japanese Mafia. LEGO toys are really very joyful and almost never cry except at night after a day of being ignored because you were too busy with your Playstation 2.
I was a fan of Whose Line Is It Anyway? when it was on. The most enjoyable parts were the times someone completely lost it on camera, which is one of the dangers of improv I guess. This clip answers that age old riddle, "What sound does an arctic tern make?"
RSS:
The first Rock of the winter season seems to be headed to State College with a vengeance. AccuWeather.com has some 
You've probably heard about the "
For those of you who really want to go "out of this world" and can't be bothered with something mundane like adopting a lemur, there's always lunar real estate.
This is the first in what I hope will be a series of posts about unusual gift ideas. Ideally, this series will number more than two, but right now that's how many unusual gift ideas I have. So, I guess I'm saying that you probably shouldn't wait for me to give you gift ideas.
Alert Cashier Tammy worked at Target® on Black Friday. This is like volunteering to work at the Post Office April 15th. But Tammy's never been one to shy away from a challenge.
CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) has successfully 
Well, okay, not a whole lot but still it's pretty unusual.
No sooner do I