The Waycross Fire is about 70% contained now, but the weather (see right) won't be helping the battle at all, at least not for the next few days. The fire has burned 82,000 acres, making it the largest in Georgia history. You can read more details here and see a few photos. The smoke from the fire has drifted east and south, and parts of Florida have had to deal with it (such as Brevard county and even Orlando.)

You can see the Red Flag Warnings via the severe map at AccuWeather.com. (A risqué Victoria's Secret Ad watch is also in effect.)

Posted by Carl at 9:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I received at least one comment about my grub situation. An email came in from Alert English  Reading Teacher Beth about the grubs, and that I really don't want grubs, and never, ever, EVER, have sympathy for a grub because as soon as you turn your back the grub will start telling all of your friends about that time you had too much of the spiked punch and started doing Barry Manilow karaoke much to the dismay of yourself and everyone within earshot. So that's apparently a grub for you; it would just as soon poke you in the eye with a sharp stick as look at you.

So, to allay everyone's fears, I should explain that the grub alert was just part of a radio commercial and not an actual diagnosis of lawn grubs. Although, if I had to choose between having my lawn cursed by an old gypsy woman or having lawn grubs, I would probably...sing karaoke with Barry Manilow.

"Her name was Lola...she was a show girl..."

Posted by Carl at 9:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I heard that on the radio this morning. And, for a moment, I felt sympathetic towards the grubs. I mean, they're actually forming teams, with a common goal. They're determined, making plans... But then I remembered they were just grubs.

Posted by Carl at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

King Tut says "Hello" and sends his regards to everyone reading the blog. No, really, I have it in writing. Oh, okay, I made that up never mind. He's actually been dead for a very long time. Almost as long as the milk in my fridge has been expired.

It's taken a few days to recover from our foray into the city. Alert Infrequent Reader and Good Friend Lisa refers to me as "Country Mouse" now, which apparently is NOT a Disney reference but refers to some other children's story where there is a country mouse and a city mouse, and at the beginning of the story the country mouse goes to the city to visit her cousin the city mouse, but on the way gets off at the wrong subway exit and is mugged, losing her iPod full of Garth Brooks, her cash and debit card, and her roll-behind luggage. I'm not sure what happens after that; I think she files a police report but they don't investigate because, well, she's a country mouse but later there's an investigation and several city police mice are indicted. I think a politician gets involved and there are ruined careers and lots of 24 hour cable news shows end up interviewing everybody. Country mouse goes back to the country and decides not to see King Tut visit the city ever again, or at least not for three hundred years.

What do you mean you haven't heard of this story either?

In any event, I'll have photos and stories about our trip up soon. Just as soon as I put Google Adsense on here, because they I can deduct the entire trip as a business expense. Well, I'm going to pretend that I can do that until I speak to an accountant who will probably just laugh at me, and then kick me out of his office but not before he takes my iPod and debit card.

It was interesting reading the news after coming back home and finding out that 11 people were shot to death in Philadelphia over the weekend. Of course, Philadelphia is a large place and there are a lot of people (with and without iPods) so that number may seem large (particularly to the 11 people involved) but maybe it's not as dramatic as it sounds.

One of the highlights of the trip, though, would have to be when we left Philadelphia - immediately hitting traffic that was stopped. It took us one hour (and I am not making this up) to go three miles. I'll share what the cause of that was later...

Posted by Carl at 9:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The Schaads are off on a trip to visit the boy king... King Tut and all of his finery are making an appearance at the Franklin Institute in Philadelphia for a limited time. Alert Home Schooler Tammy found this out almost as soon as it was announced and promptly bought tickets far in advance. This is one way in which Tammy and I compliment each other perfectly. She is the Planning Type, which means that she has to plan everything. It's a genetic thing so I don't blame  hold her responsible  have any sort of problem with that. I, on the other hand, can't plan myself out of a paper bag and even if I could I would get bored with it after about 42 seconds.

This will be our first serious trip to Philadelphia. I had this impression that there wasn't much to do in Philadelphia, except maybe see the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. True to my planning ability I thought we would just show up and see whatever there was to see. Tammy decided to actually research the area and there's more to do then we'll have time for, so she's developed an itinerary and we have all sorts of things planned. This is good, because as you might remember the Schaads can't be spontaneous to save our lives.

In addition to seeing old things, walking around a lot and desperately looking for parking spaces, I hope to write up some reviews of our trip. If I had ads on the blog, I would think that any trip that was blog-fodder would then be a business expense. However I haven't run that past the Blog Hero Legal Team ("Sven") yet, nor my crack accounting staff which would be difficult in any event because I don't have a crack accounting staff. No not that kind stop it.

So tonight we'll be finishing our trip preparations, filling the moat and setting the motion-detection-guillotine-blades before we leave. We'll also have a house-sitter, who is 8'4" and can palm a Volkeswagon in each hand (simultaneously!) His name is Spruce but don't joke about it around him because I did and, well, he palmed me by the head and then shook me like a rag doll. He's sensitive like that.

Posted by Carl at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Okay, so I took Alert Salad Consumer Tammy out to dinner last night where she had a, well, salad. I had the hot turkey sandwich - you know, some hot turkey, stuffing, bread, mashed potatoes - which was quite tasty but about three-quarters through the meal I realized that I hadn't portioned each side dish properly and I was going to end the meal with left over stuffing! Ahhh! Then I realized that it was probably strange that I had to take bites of each of the different sides at a time. THEN I realized that I did this with most of my meals. Which made me wonder, is this okay or some sort of warning sign?

So here's my vital research: leave a comment and let me know, do you:

A. Mix your food,
B. Eat it separately,
C. Just eat so you can get finished before Wheel of Fortune comes on?

Whew! Thanks in advance. Those of you who are mixers can feel free to share tips on how to maintain that delicate balance until the end of the meal.

Posted by Carl at 2:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The last day or so was pretty weird, as far as experiences on the Internet go. And Internet Experiences are weird as a general rule, so I suppose that's saying something.

The gunman who killed 32 people at Virginia Tech, and wounded so many others, was found with two words scrawled on his arm. You would think that if a derranged gunman was found with words scrawled on his arm that it would be big news. The mainstream media doesn't appear to think so; the Internet definitely did.

After the Chicago Tribune announced to the world what these words were a flurry of Internet searches were underway as people tried to figure out what it meant. My theory is that people are trying to make sense of something that is basically senseless. I know there will be a lot of talk about mental illness, depression, medication, video games, parenting, trans-fats, second-hand cigarette smoke, etc., but in the end a killer made a choice. It was evil. I'm talking Old Testament type evil. At least, that's how I see it.

But if we can call this search a "mob" then two people were innocently caught in the stampede. A blogger named EldaRossell had posted a picture of a friend of hers on Flickr. The photo posting, unfortunately, included the word "Ismail" and was of a South Korean. That would have been enough, but it also had a name associated with it that was similar to the Virginia Tech shooter's name.

I can only imagine the email that she received from people who came to the conclusion that the man in the photo and Cho were the same. I've been on the receiving end of some ugly email (It's hard to avoid as a blogger, and I'm sure my email experiences are mild) and it's terrible. A lot of email came into AccuWeather.com during the redesign blog (some of you might remember that...) that was senseless and ugly. But you can shake your head about that; it's only weather.

I posted here a translation of two of EldaRossell's posts that mentioned Flickr photo. Both posts were crudely translated (I admit, my knowledge of Indonesian is about as good as my French) via the web and suggested the two people were in fact different. But up to the point at which EldaRossell deleted her Flickr photo people were still speculating that it could all work out and that they were the same person.

My email/comments has gotten pretty weird in the last day as a result of the translated posts. Here's a snapshot of what happened to the blog traffic:

I was joking with Alert Listener Tammy that this is slightly analagous to running a store and having 20 customers a day and then, all at once, 800 people come through the door, mill about, and then leave without buying anything. My point was that increased blog traffic is actually worthless if you're not selling anything. Or have any ads. Or have, you know, a reason for being. In fact, it's a net negative because you have to spend time reading all of the comments. And yes, the comments get weird when you get a traffic bump like that, over a topic like this.

As a result, I have done something I've never done before: deleted comments. Just comments that were crude or didn't make any sense, or were just trying to needlessly fan the flames of conspiracy-type theories. In one or two cases I tried to contact the commenter to get clarifications, but the email addresses provided were bogus. I hate deleting comments. I think blogging needs to be about transparency and an open dialog, but there is also a responsibility we all have when it comes to speech. I think many of us have forgotten that, particularly on the Internet.

Well, end of pointless rant. Thanks for listening. Stop by Elda's blog and wish her well, she could probably use a nice email or two.

Posted by Carl at 11:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Here's the alternative to the earlier animal picture, the earlier animal being a cat which, as almost all of you know, is usually brain-damaged. They don't come that way - it sort of accumulates as they grow. There may be something in the cat food that causes this. I've noticed too that with aging comes SDS - Severe Disdain Syndrome - where the cat will eventually be unable to do anything but stare at you as though you were something unimportant, like a human being.

Posted by Carl at 11:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Sorry, I had to blog about something different, and this was the most different thing I could come up with. I know cats are mostly brain-damaged, but they are cute. When they're small like that. Bonus points if you said "Awwwww" out loud. I'll try to post something for the dog lovers out there a little later (you know who you are.)

Feel like venting? Feel free to comment "Dog" or "Cat" in the comments section

Or if you prefer to laugh at your hapless host, you can try these oldies but goodies:
• Carl's Catastrophic Calamity Chart (pdf)
• Club Quarters Review
• Dental Day Part 1 | Part 2
• Schaads in Richmond Part 1 | Part 2
• All About Clover Mites
• Never Nod at an Old Gypsy Woman
• Ancient Venezuelan Mower Curse

Posted by Carl at 5:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Apparently that's what Virginia Tech killer Cho Seung-Hui had written on one of his arms in red ink, according to this story. There's no mention in the article of what this might mean.

A Google search of "Ismail Ax" isn't very helpful. A search of the term on Wikipedia resulted in this page, which notes that Ismail is the Romanian/Turkish term for Izmail, a "historic town near the Danube river in the Odessa Oblast (province) of south-western Ukraine."

The NY Post has some thoughts on "Ismail" here. In the Islamic account of Abraham Ismail (Hebrew: Ishmael) is the son of Abraham and the ancestor of the Arab people.

I wonder if we'll know what the phrase was intended to mean, and why he painted his arm with it?

*As an aside: How long before those words become some sort of bizarre cultural icon, with t-shirts, websites** and more? Ugh.

**Too late! ismailax.com was actually registered by someone on 17-Apr-07. C'mon, people. Maybe someone out there with more nerve than I can ask Mr. Patterson what in the world he was thinking. (If he's trying to prevent someone from using it, I think I can understand that. In that case make the registration info anonymous.)

And here's another forward-thinking individual: ChoSeung-Hui.com. Sigh.

UPDATE SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS: NBC received a package today from Cho, mailed between killings (how horrible is that?). Here's an image of the package via MSNBC's site, and I've enlarged the signature twice. Can you make out how he signed it? It looks like "A. Ishmael" to me.

UPDATE LOSING COUNT: An interesting typographic issue came up today; many articles are referring to the writing on Cho as saying "Ismale Ax." I have no idea why there would be a serious discrepancy like this, or why no one would notice it. A search of Google News for both terms showed zero results, which I take to mean that no one has written about the discrepancy.

Here's a link to a Charleston Daily Mail article that uses the alternate spelling. Here's a Google News search for the terms "Ismale Ax." UPDATE IN AN UPDATE: This MSNBC article has yet another spelling: "Investigators said Cho’s body was found Monday with the words “Ismael Ax” scrawled on his arm."

There is also some question as to whether this was written or tattoed. This Miami Herald article says "adding that he had the cryptic words, ''Ismale Ax,'' tattooed on one arm." A minor point, perhaps, but a tattoo would have been done by a Tattoo-er (I can't believe I just wrote that) who might know more about the whole issue. Tattooing (I'm talking about Body Art now, not the Fantasy Island fellow) also would require more thought and planning than just writing it on the day of the shootings.

UDPATE 10: ABCNews.com picks up this odd story, to their credit, here: 'Ismail-Ax': Breaking the Riddle. Amongst their explanations is that the term appears in a poem called "The Goat Ranchers" which reads:

Went where they'd herded goats when they were kids,
Went where they were lovers,
Went where they were married here, those fifty years ago.
Traces of Ishmael's ax on the scarred trunks of the cedar trees,
Crossing the canyons and winding arroyos.

UPDATE 9: As mentioned elsewhere on this blog, EldaRossell has posted a clarification on her blog about her photo and friend. Check it out

UPDATE 8: EldaRossell has apparently deleted her two blog posts and the Flickr picture mentioned above, and I can't say that I blame her. Her blog can be found at http://eldarossell.wordpress.com/ where it's possible she will post some sort of message or explanation. I've looked around the web for any explanation of the phrase "Ismail Ax" and there's not much out there. I wonder why? Perhaps we'll learn more in the coming days.

UPDATE 7: An article from the Sydney Morning Herald site that discusses the registration of the domain name IsmailAx.com, including some comments by the savvy sick and twisted entrepreneurial registrar. No "blood money" is sought, in spite of the fact that the URL is now home to a page full of sponsored links. (You can find it here, although I'd encourage you not to click on anything.)

UPDATE 6: The Chicago Trib has an interesting article on the web searches for "Ismail Ax" and how it raced across the net today.

UPDATE 5: Here's another blog post, this one with the Flickr photo referenced above. However, I can't get to ToggleText.com. It's probably being hammered. I'll post a translation if it does ever load.

It loaded. Here it is, again FWIW:

UPDATE 4: Unbelievable. The Smoking Gun has Cho Seung-Hui's writing already. Just amazing. Link Here. Note: I haven't read it, proceed at your own risk, as it were.

UPDATE 3: Interesting theories at Boing Boing here.

UPDATE 2: The person who took that Flickr photo (above) has a blog, and this post makes reference to "Ismail" and is titled "New Friend." Based on the comment in the Flickr post mentioning that it's hard for Indonesians to pronounce his name, I tried an Indonesian translation of this blog post. This is what I got (submitted only FWIW):

UPDATE 1: Well that clears that up. Not.

New! Poll: (Note: Voting is anonymous; Blog Flux creates a map of voting locations but these are generally marking cities, not houses. Have fun!)

Share/Bookmark:

Note: Comments below do not necessarily reflect the views of Blog Hero nor his Alter Ego, nor necessarily any kind of actual facts. Your mileage may vary. No shoes, no shirt - no service. Void where prohibited by law.

Posted by Carl at 2:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A while ago I had a post about my Nemesis' new video project. (Or is that nemesises?) At the time, a few Alert Readers wrote in to suggest that I make Henry bigger. Of course, the last thing I would ever want to do is make Henry bigger. But, as time wore on, my desire to give the fans what they want won out (well, okay, AccuWeather Flash Guru Steve made me do it) and we designed a new video player. We're still fine tuning it, but below is a sample:

Visit his blog for live video. So, there you go: new and improved Henry. Now, more Henry per package. An extra 125% Henry with every purchase. More Henry than you can shake (you get the idea).

Posted by Carl at 11:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

What can you say about the Virginia Tech shootings? I just got sicker yesterday as the death toll climbed and climbed. And then you hear stories about people leaping out of windows, about students being lined-up and shot. The details are still emerging and it's only the beginning of a long road for the families and friends of those who lost loved ones, and for those who are left behind to try and put the pieces back together.

This article identifies two of the professors who were slain:

One of the professors was Liviu Librescu, a Romanian who was known internationally for his research in aeronautical engineering. Engineering department chief Ishwar Puri said Librescu's research made aircraft better.
The other professor killed was Kevin Granata. He conducted orthopedic research in hospitals before coming to Tech. Puri said Granata was one of the top five biomechanics researchers in the country working on movement dynamics in cerebral palsy.

Mr. Granata's web page is here as of 10am, and Mr. Librescu's here.* It's sad; it's just an impossibly sad day. Would Mr. Granata have created some sort of cerebral palsy solution? Could Mr. Librescu's research have saved lives in the future? To say nothing of the students who were killed, one of whom is described as having "several majors and a 4.0 GPA." Pray for Virginia Tech.

ABCNews.com story
AP story
Names of Victims at Virginia Tech 11am
Collegiate Times List of Victims

*Links changed 041907 to Archive.org's archived pages, as the VT links don't appear to be working any longer.

Posted by Carl at 9:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Well the snow is flying...somewhere in upstate New York. Apparently at some point over the weekend we went from 6-25" to 3-6" to 1-4" to 3" of rain. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or thrilled. I think I'm somewhere in-between. Perhaps I'm phlegmatic. I still have that cold and all.

This weekend was quite exciting, as a Schaad took two golds over the weekend. That would be Cassie - and the two golds were for her fencing meet. Her team took the gold metal, and her school won the overall gold (thanks to an outstanding show by the girls team.) She was thrilled, of course, as were we all. This year the school she competes with will graduate a lot of people, so next year's competition should be interesting.

Two more uninteresting Schaad updates:

1. I still have a cold, and my home remedy of eating as much ice cream as possible is meeting with very little success. But a little bird named JB told me that spring is coming this week, and I'm hopeful that the warmer weather might help where the ice cream hasn't.

2. This past Easter saw the unveiling of the iBunny, depicted below. The kids and I played group Easter bunny and got Tammy her first Easter basket since we've been married. Goodies included chocolate, chocolate, hand-made cards, plastic eggs with chocolate, and a Gund bunny with an ipod shuffle. The bunny was listening to the ipod at the time, which apparently made it more difficult to notice than the, ah, chocolate. See if you can find the hidden ipod in the picture below.

Posted by Carl at 11:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Some outlets are referring to the coming northeast, late-April snow storm as "Historic." I've also heard the terms "50-year storm," "100-year storm," "devastating" and "icky." Terms I haven't heard used but wish they were include "ninja-like," "apocalyptic," and "Biblical." (Just to be clear, at this point we're talking about a snow event, no frogs or meteors or anything like that. One model does show locust, but it's a widely derided model and not terribly accurate.)

My nemesis still has an area of 6-25" for central Pennsylvania. But it has shifted north and east a little bit and looks like less of a State College event to me. AccuWeather.com has the following graphic now:

If you look real hard, and kind of squint your eyes, you can make out Centre County. And inside Centre County you'll see a dot for State College, and in that dot you can see me. I'm waving - wave back! Anyway, I think I'm on the line between 1-3" and 3-6".

Other outlets are saying rain and snow with no amounts for snowfall.

Based on all of this I've come to the careful, considered conclusion that no one really knows what's going to happen. If it weren't for Don Imus this storm probably would have been hyped a lot more. As it is, we'll have to go into the weekend in the sorry state of not only not being able to hear Imus anymore* but also having no idea how much bread and milk we really need. Ah well. Anyone traveling in the Satuday night - Monday morning timeframe in the northeast please take extra care and stay tuned to local weather forecasting.

*I really never watched or listened to him, so I don't have much of an opinion. I'm a firm believer in the free market system though, and if advertisers don't want to support the show, it seems perfectly reasonable for his boss to fire him. I really haven't thought through the larger issues of what can and can't be said on the airwaves, what is protected speech and what is not, etc. Feel free to leave a comment on this. When I think about what things a person should say I think of Proverbs 21:23 - "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Sounds like good advice to me!

Update 1: The NWS is sort of saying in a roundabout, maybe it will, maybe it won't sort of way that we could possibly get 6-12" if it doesn't rain.

Posted by Carl at 2:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Here's the latest graphic from AccuWeather.com. You'll note that I'm in the area that says "Big Snow."

I'm trying to figure out what this "Big Snow" is. I have several questions. For example, "How big is Big?" And...well, okay, that's mostly all of my questions.

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Update 1: Henry says "Big" means 6"-25"

Update 2: Here's what that channel about Weather is saying:

And here's what the NWS is saying, via Weather Underground (Not the radical left self-proclaimed communist group, the weather website)

So AccuWeather is hanging out there, it would appear.

Posted by Carl at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Ugh.

There's a lot of buzz around the office today (the AccuWeather office) about a potential monster snow storm this weekend in the northeast. Of course, it's mid-April and these sorts of things are exciting for meteorologists and people who (have to) work with meteorologists, but for the ordinary, common folk - well, we just want to be able to open the windows and wear shorts already.

This past weekend those of us who live in State College (the home of AccuWeather and Penn State University) awoke Easter morning to fields of white. Several inches of snow had fallen, although the sidewalks and roads were spared. Easter should be a time of celebrating dandelions and cherry blossoms and dancing around bulbs that have started poking up through the formerly frozen ground. Not a time for wondering how much salt you have left in the garage, or if you can start the snowblower one more time without hurting yourself.

But here it is - a potential history-making snow storm. I say potential because I'm mostly a regular Joe and know how likely these things are to happen just as the models say. But I also say history-making because I (have to) work with a bunch of meteorologists. Here's one model snap:

Joe Bastardi of AccuWeather.com's Professional site said the following in his latest blog post:

Of course he said that in his own inimicable caps-lock-on way. But he's pretty passionate about the weather. AccuWeather.com has begun to weigh in and has the following graphic:

It will be interesting to watch the forecast unfold in the coming days. I'll try to post updates here; keep AccuWeather.com bookmarked as well. And please don't forget to panic Saturday and rush to the store to buy bread, milk and salt for the driveway one last time. That is, until our May snow storm.

Posted by Carl at 2:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There's an exciting article in the UK Times Online about what appears to be a successful cure for Diabetes using stem cells. Fifteen young diabetics were given stem cells taken from their own blood and eventually were able to suspend their insulin injections. There's a lot not being said in the article, and it's still early, but what is said does seem tremendously positive. More tests and trials will be scheduled, and it's thought that the research won't yield a widely-available remedy for another 5-8 years. Great news, though, for my son who will only (!) be 20 years old in 8 years, a full 10 years younger than I was when I was first diagnosed. It's encouraging to think that they may have this beat before he graduates college.

Posted by Carl at 1:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

That's the rumor for this weekend in the northeast; a monster storm that bombs out off the coast and dumps (according to one model) 12-15" of snow on me. Some will say that this is what I deserve for wishing for snow all winter. But, you see, I was wishing for snow all winter. Now that it's spring I'm wishing for spring weather, and probably in summer I will wish for summer weather, except towards the end of summer when I will be tired of being hot and will be wishing for fall weather.

Sigh. Further bulletins as events warrant. My nemesis, who still sits next to me, says there's a 0-100% chance of something happening. He's helpful in that way.

Posted by Carl at 1:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

State College Staring Down The Barrel of a Straw
AccuWeather.com Predicts Ho-Hum Hurricane Season for Central Pennsylvania

(State College, PA - March 27, 2007) - AccuWeather.com Hurricane Center Chief Forecaster Joe Bastardi issued his early Spring hurricane forecast for central Pennsylvania, and for the thirty-fifth year in a row the hurricane outlook is grim for tropical weather fans.

"We're staring down the barrel of a straw again this year," Joe said, alluding to his forecast last year for the Northeast. When asked about that, Joe was quick to point out that his forecast for increased hurricane activity in the Northeast was for the next ten years, not just last year. He then put this author in a sleeper-hold and the next thing he knew he woke up at a Denny's over a plate of cold home fries**.

“While we don’t expect severe tropical activity in central Pennsylvania, you should never let your guard down,” said Chief Forecaster Ken Reeves. Reeves, in a Home Depot t-shirt, added “Everyone should have supplies on hand: plenty of plywood boards, nails, duct tape – maybe two rolls of duct tape, preferably the shiny silver kind. And some of those cool overalls with loops for tools.”

Communications Ninja Sichael Mylvie nodded as he listened. “While we’re merely staring down the barrel of a straw this year, it’s very possible that there’s a big, wet, spitball at the other end, and Mother Nature is just now inhaling. We can never be too prepared for the tropical season, wherever we live. In fact, preparation should start in February and shouldn’t end until March of the next year. And preparation begins with AccuWeather.com - the World’s Weather Authority tee em. No don’t write that down, I mean tee em as in trademark. No don’t write that down either. Stop it!”

To speak with a sardonic ex-blogger about this story, email schaad@accuweather.com.

*Well, okay, not really. The Blog Hero's legal team - also known as "Sven" - suggested that I mention that this is "parody" which M-W.com defines as "a literary or musical work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule." It's also defined as "a feeble or ridiculous imitation" which may be more accurate but somehow...I don't know, but that doesn't sound as impressive. Sven defines "parody" as a harmless, amusing work of blog writing that may nor may not be accurate but likely is a protected form of writing that will not get the author sued into oblivion.

This was originally written for a special page on AccuWeather.com but was subsequently eaten by a Dingo.

For the REAL AccuWeather.com Hurricane Outlook, go here. (Especially if you live in the Gulf.)

**They weren't very good by the time I woke up.

Posted by Carl at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I've been sick for several weeks now and can't seem to get better. That made me think about all of the people who get pneumonia and die. I wondered if, when their illnesses begin, how many of them think "This will probably turn into pneumonia and kill me." I'm guessing very few, which is probably a bummer because if they knew that the cold or whatever they had would turn into pneumonia and kill them they would probably organize their lives differently. For example, they would probably eat a whole lot more ice cream. They probably wouldn't watch so much television either, but might rent a few movies. (Comedies, maybe? I'm thinking Monty Python "I'm not dead yet!" type stuff.)

In any event, if Spring ever arrives in State College I may get better. Easter morning we awoke to all of the ground (sans sidewalks and streets) covered in white. It was quite the shock in a Mother-Nature-Comes-Up-To-You-And-Slaps-You-In-The-Face sort of way. The weird thing (well, the weirder thing) was that all of the snow melted sometime between 1-3pm. And then it was snowing again later in the afternoon. I blame global warming or the end times*, as I'm pretty sure weird weather is one of the signs of the end, sandwiched in there between Anna Nicole Smith and Plague of Meteors.

In the meantime I'm not skimping on any ice cream.

*I think I'm going to add an "end times" category to the blog, just because the signs are all around us. This weekend we actually got into the Waffle Shop, a local breakfast restaurant, with almost no wait. This was either because of the aforementioned end times or because it was Easter Sunday and who really goes to a breakfast restaurant on Easter Sunday? Sadly, though, the Waffle Shop does not serve ice cream.

Posted by Carl at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Air Force and AccuWeather.com Team-Up*
"Project Blue Book 2: Caught on Tape" Unveiled

(State College, PA - March 27, 2007) – AccuWeather.com announced a new exclusive arrangement with the United States Air Force to participate in Project Blue Book 2: Caught on Tape.

Just recently the United States Air Force has re-established Project Blue Book – a systematic study of Unidentified Flying Objects – under pressure from Congress and Global Warming activists. The goal of Project Blue Book 2: Caught on Tape is to find proof of the existence of aliens and discover how they’re contributing to global warming. The Air Force has also sold the worldwide, exclusive book and movie rights to Warner Brothers.

“AccuWeather.com’s role will be crucial,” said AccuWeather.com Communications Ninja Sichael Mylvie, “because AccuWeather.com has the highest concentration of video bloggers under any single roof anywhere on Earth.”

“Or,” Mylvie added thoughtfully, “anywhere at all.”

Video evidence is expected to be crucial in the Air Force’s search for UFO proof. USAF General Nathan Twining commented on the AccuWeather.com arrangement: “There’s no doubt that we’ll be combing through the hours and hours or raw video footage provided by AccuWeather.com,” Twining said. “In fact, we expect to be devoting nine full-time people to Jesse Ferrell’s material alone.”

Jesse Ferrell is the AccuWeather.com Community Director and Subscription Manager and the Founder of WeatherMatrix**, a weather enthusiast’s organization that claims to have over a dozen extraterrestrials as members.

“I’m fairly confident that I can get some good footage for Project Blue Book 2: Caught on Tape. Last week’s WeatherMatrix Extraterrestrial Alien Take Off and Landing Barbeque was well attended, and we got some good material,” Ferrell said. When asked about Global Warming issues, Ferrell claimed that the group had purchased dozens of carbon credits and that they had polished off at least four cows before the meal was over.

To speak with a sardonic ex-blogger about this story, email schaad@accuweather.com.

*Well, okay, not really. The Blog Hero's legal team - also known as "Sven" - suggested that I mention that this is "parody" which M-W.com defines as "a literary or musical work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule." It's also defined as "a feeble or ridiculous imitation" which may be more accurate but somehow...I don't know, but that doesn't sound as impressive. Sven defines "parody" as a harmless, amusing work of blog writing that may nor may not be accurate but likely is a protected form of writing that will not get the author sued into oblivion.

This was originally written for a special page on AccuWeather.com but was subsequently eaten by a Dingo.

**You should ask him where that name came from some time.

Posted by Carl at 8:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I thought an interesting news photo quiz would be to pull a photo out of an article and then see if you can guess what the original article was about. Today we have this following:

What subject do you think this photo is being used to illustrate? Poverty? Hunger? Weather Damage? AIDS?

Click here for the answer.

Posted by Carl at 3:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

AccuWeather.com Unveils New Hurricane Names*
AccuWeather.com Taps into 80s Revival

(State College, PA - March 27, 2007) – AccuWeather.com has announced that they have created their own tropical storm name list which will, for the first time, compete with the National Hurricane Center’s list.

“The public appreciates timely, accurate weather information – but it’s clear in light of the recent Anna Nicole Smith situation that the public also responds to entertainment news,” AccuWeather.com President and Founder Dr. Moel Jyers said. “We’ve conducted hundreds of surveys and one thing jumped out at us immediately – Communications Ninja Sichael Mylvie.”

Communications Ninja Sichael Mylvie then jumped out from behind a stack of forecasters,** survey results in hand.

“Dr. Jyers – it’s conclusive! The eighties tested the highest in name recognition, and as a result we’ve created a new list of names based on 1980s American Television Shows,” Mylvie said.

The list, which actually includes names for every storm possibility from A to Z, draws inspiration from classics such as 21 Jump Street, Alf, Battle of the Network Stars, Father Murphy, The Love Boat, Major Dad and more.

“People will be buzzing around the water coolers in ways they haven’t since J.R. was shot, when AccuWeather.com forecasts the landfall of Hurricane Gene Gene the Dancing Machine,” Jyers said. “Not only will people be discussing the approaching storm, and where they can buy overalls and duct tape, but they’ll be fondly reminiscing about that kooky stagehand from the Gong Show.”

The entire A-Z tropical storm name list for 2007 will be unveiled June 1. An initial public release listed the following storm names: “G” - Gene Gene the Dancing Machine, “H” - Higgins, “M” - Manimal.

To speak with a sardonic ex-blogger about this story, email schaad@accuweather.com.

*Well, okay, not really. The Blog Hero's legal team - also known as "Sven" - suggested that I mention that this is "parody" which M-W.com defines as "a literary or musical work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule." It's also defined as "a feeble or ridiculous imitation" which may be more accurate but somehow...I don't know, but that doesn't sound as impressive. Sven defines "parody" as a harmless, amusing work of blog writing that may nor may not be accurate but likely is a protected form of writing that will not get the author sued into oblivion.

This was originally written for a special page on AccuWeather.com but was subsequently eaten by a ravenous Dingo.

**Forecasters often pile up so quickly they have to be stacked so there's a clear path to walk around the Operations Room.

Posted by Carl at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There's a new staff member at AccuWeather - and unfortunately he sits right behind me. He's a Dingo, and he's perpetually hungry. In homage to that classic Seinfeld skit, the AccuWeather Dingo will probably be showing up in all sorts of places.

Here's one reported sighting - the Dingo apparently ate one of Kate Bilo's Confessions of a Weather Girl* videos. You can see him below in the confessional, with his trusty shiny dinner bowl. If you actually play the whole video and wait