I redid the CarlSchaad.com site, which (ironically enough) can be found at carlschaad.com. I did this primarily to take advantage of Web 3.0 technology. So now, not only will the site feature shiny updated examples of what I do between 11pm-2am, it will also toast your bread, take out the garbage and cut through a (leather) shoe. Just don't, you know, stand too close.

I hope that all of the blog readers in Maine who were watching the Canadian model have either returned to their homes or finished boarding up. By way of a tropical update, WSI has downgraded their hurricane total slightly. I suppose that makes sense, but it seems like cheating. Sort of like betting on an NBA game. Can you adjust your total right through the season?

I have a few more tweaks on the site, but in the meantime feel free to email me with embarrassing typos and other grammatical faux pas. (When I was a wee child I heard "faux pas" and thought it was ;fo paws" which is just silly but there are 1,090 hits for that on Google.) (You know you want to go check that now, don't you?)

Posted by Carl at 11:13 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Well, sort of:

It looks to be a smaller storm than the Canadian had originally projected, but now a second model sees it. Stay tuned...

Link to eftcgpf

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Posted by Carl at 9:27 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Well, I have to say that the hurricane season so far has surprised me. I think I predicted something like three hundred hurricanes, so unless we get busy here soon I'm probably (probably) going to fall short.

I did a model sweep and didn't see anything too interesting. The Canadian model does have a pretty nice storm crashing into Cape Cod:

But you'll note that's on day 5, which is an eternity away for a computer model. In any event, that would be Monday, so if you're in Cape Cod you've got that long to panic, run to Lowe's, buy wood, nail it to your house, panic, and then go down to the beach and greet Anderson Cooper. Or, you could stay tuned to Jesse's blog, where he'll no doubt post the latest and greatest.

(Model shot courtesy FSU Experimental Forecast Tropical Cyclone Genesis Potential Fields here.) (Say THAT ten times fast.)

UPDATE: Here's JB's thoughts on the Canadian Model:
"The Canadian is not the dangerous racer on the track with its crazy tropical solutions. For the 5th run in a row, it entrains the tropical energy and drives what looks to be a hurricane into New England. For kicks and giggles, it will be on the big dog this morning, but it is certainly not the model du jour when it comes to this and is rapidly becoming the old GFS hurricane somewhere on every run model, something that will kill its longer term operational runs. Speed kills, but so does heat, when it comes to models if its not handled right"

Posted by Carl at 3:35 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

The stories from Disney World have been pretty weird lately. For example: Victoria Walker, a 52-year-old Alabama native was arrested for having "beat and choked" a woman who was allowed ahead of her for the Mad Tea Party ride at Disney World.

Initially Walker was questioned and released following the incident, which occured back in May. However, a judge saw the severity of the victim's injuries and signed an arrest warrant. The victim, Aimee Krause, was apparently hit in the head a few times before the fracas was interrupted. She has complained of seizures, memory loss and blurred vision since the May attack. (She's not been able to drink any tea, either.)

After the arrest warrant was signed it took deputies almost two months to find Walker. She was picked up in Alabama and taken back to Orange County, where she bonded out of jail Tuesday.

Photo of the (alleged) Mad Tea Cup Strangler here.

Posted by Carl at 11:50 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

A few days ago we received a phone call that we didn't answer. That in and of itself is not terribly remarkable; we get phone calls all of the time that we don't answer. Usually they're from Verizon. I maintain that the phones in my house are for our convenience, not the convenience of everyone else trying to get ahold of me. (More and more, though, it appears that the phones in my house are actually there for the convenience of my daughter, but I suppose that's a blog post for another day.)

The call that we didn't answer (this time) came across the caller id as COGOS. Initially I was excited, for about half a second, because I thought it said LEGOS and maybe I won a contest or something. The really weird part was that the number that was calling us was identical to our number except for the area code. So, if we say that my number is 888-555-1212 then this number would have been 777-555-1212*. So apparently someone in area code "777"* was calling their exact number but in a different area code ("888"*). The first time they called they did not leave a message. Obviously, they listened carefully to our message, discovered their error and called the person they really wanted to call.**

A few days later we received another call that we didn't answer. This, too, was from COGOS. But this time, the little "You have a message waiting" light started blinking after the call. Ooo! A message! Perhaps we won a COGOS contest. (For the uninitiated, COGOS appears to be a Pennsylvania convenience store chain.) I checked the message. It sounded like a young woman. In a hushed voice, she said:

"My receipt printer is out of paper...help!"

And that was it. Although we ended up ignoring the message, I still days later feel guilty. Somewhere in a COGOS there's a poor young lady staring at a paperless receipt printer, unable to check out some guy who just wants his chewing tobacco and beef jerky.

Maybe if they call back a third time we'll get involved. Does anyone need any jerky?

*Actual numbers changed to protect the innocent workers at COGOS.

**HA!

Posted by Carl at 10:34 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

I came up with a new e-book idea, and this one will be aimed at kids. This is extraordinarily clever, because kids are all about being online and buying stuff and getting hip with the community scene.* They also have nearly limitless spending money, also know as Their Parent's Money.

The e-book is actually very simple. It's tentatively titled, "How to Avoid Getting Caught Doing Really Stupid Stuff." I know, parents everywhere are having convulsions just at the thought of one of us (parents, stay with me here) spilling the beans on how we catch kids doing really stupid stuff, but there's so much money to be made here I can't resist.

I would list all of the things I plan to include in the e-book because some of it is really quite amusing but then the kids would just come here and print out the blog entry and probably not buy my e-book so much. And then they would have all of this dangerous information AND I would still be broke, so I can't really do that. But here are a few amusing excerpts:

Amusing Excerpt 1: Kids - your parents do the laundry! That's right, the clothes you take off of your body and put in the hamper (or on your closet floor) eventually make their way to the clothes washer, then the dryer, then are folded (again, by parents) and put back in your drawers. No, it is not Santa, your teacher, the pizza delivery guy, or the Laundry Fairy. And here's the important part kids: THE PARENTS ARE COUNTING. That's right. They know that it's been nine days since they did the wash, yet your laundry count is nineteen shirts, five socks and two pairs of underwear.

So what's the answer? Keep count yourself, and pad the laundry! That's right. If you somehow managed to wear nineteen shirts in nine days, make sure you throw in some extra socks and underwear. Your parents will be totally baffled - and none the wiser.

Amusing Excerpt 2: Don't eat the last of anything! For example, let's say you live in a family of four, two parents and two kids. And let's say that one parent and two kids like chocolate ice cream. And let's say there's a half-gallon of chocolate ice cream in the freezer. If you actually take out the carton, EAT ALL OF THE ICE CREAM, and then put the carton back in the freezer, the parents will figure out who did it. How is this Houdini-like feat accomplished? I'll tell you!

First, remember one parent didn't like chocolate ice cream. That brings our total suspects to three (4-1). The other parent will know if he or she ate any ice cream, and (this is the vital part) confer with their partner about the ice cream. Now we only have two suspects (3-1). From there, the parent will deduce which of the children was the most desperate for ice cream based on what they ate that day, when they were alone with the refrigerator, which child changed their shirt two extra times and had chocolate ice cream stains all over it, etc. The important point here: An EMPTY CARTON in the freezer tips off parents! The key is to steal only little bits of ice cream each day, thus allaying suspicion (or at least delaying the inevitable.) And if you spill, don't forget to throw some extra socks and underwear in the hamper too.

As you can see these tips will be invaluable for kids. I'm also going to have an entire chapter dedicated to electronics and video games, with a bonus section, "How to Leave the Lights On and Make Your Parents Think They Did It." I'm thinking of asking $24.95.

That's only four gallons of ice cream or so.

*Well, I AM almost 40.

Posted by Carl at 11:15 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Joke comprehension may decrease with age

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It occurred to me tonight that if I had an e-book I could sell it for money. This would be better than, say, bartering my e-book for beads, or those little plastic Homie figures*. Of course, I don't have an e-book (yet) but I'm working on several very promising ideas. The best idea I have is, "How to Print Your Own Money." Of course, that's probably not entirely legal, so I may ditch that in favor of my second best idea, "The Ten Things I've Learned That Maybe You Haven't (yet)."

The reason that's my second best idea is that people love lists of things, particularly lists that are presented in neat, round numbers. They also like top lists, like "Top Ten Collectible Homies" but you'll note I didn't say my idea was the "Top Ten" things I've learned, because I'm cleverly saving that for the follow-up e-book. What? Oh, sure, some people might be upset that I saved the better list for the second e-book, but I think most people will be so happy and relieved to finally have the top ten list they'll forget all about being mad.

Anyway, this brings me to the reason for tonight's post. Does anyone have any good ideas for things I've learned? I brainstormed for twenty, thirty minutes easy tonight and have only come up with a couple of things that I've learned that maybe you haven't (yet.) So far my list looks like this:

1. Eating ice cream, or drinking a really, really cold drink too fast, will give you a killer headache. I mean killer headache like you were almost pithed by a blunt ice pick.

2. When you're in a group of people, and one of the persons there is very tired, and then they yawn, you know, like YAAAAWWWWWNNNNN, you'll probably yawn too! Even if you're not tired. That's called a sympathetic yawn, because you feel really sorry for the person.

And...that's it. What? Well, the e-book is called "The Ten Things I've Learned That Maybe You Haven't (yet)." The Blog Hero legal team (Sven) suggested the word "maybe" so that I would be covered from people who complain about knowing these things already. But you can help! If you know of anything witty that I may have learned that you haven't, send me an email or leave a comment. If I include your thing that I know that you (maybe) don't (yet) I will (maybe) dedicate the e-book to you! Or, I (maybe) will give you a free copy of the e-book. I've even let you, um, create up to four additional electronic copies of the e-book.** Try to do that with music from iTunes!***

*Caution: Visiting Homie Website will cause your eyes to melt.

**For a total of (maybe) five e-book copies.

***Actually, don't try to do that with iTunes as I read the terms and conditions once and iTunes is programmed to check for this sort of thing and if it finds any abuse like this it will automatically email your credit history to all of the other iTunes users.

Posted by Carl at 8:25 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

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I've been working late many nights, redesigning my design site which is slowly congealing like molasses*, and my office has a little lamp that I love. It's from shortly after electricity was invented (which, as most of you know, was invented when George Washington tied some tungsten to a cherry tree) and it casts a really pleasing yellow-orange glow. However, it's located right next to my window, which currently has no blinds because I had to give them to my daughter as hers met with some ghastly end. When I asked her what happened, she sort of looked at me with a blank stare which seemed to say, "Why are you even going there?" and then she said, "I dunno." This of course was to be the end of the questioning, but I summoned all of my fatherly instincts and said, "Say again?" which of course she did. "I dunno." The second time she said it a little louder, like I was going deaf or something. (Well, I AM almost forty now.)

Anyway, because I had no blinds, and because I have this little turn-of-the-century (the other, last century) lamp, the window gets covered with bugs. I mean on the outside. If it was the inside I wouldn't be writing this, I would be screaming and spraying myself with RAID® until I was unconscious. And these aren't little bugs, like gnats, which even in great numbers aren't too threatening. These are like bugs from the Underworld. Like the Devil's Bugs. Like, if you were to go deep underground in some long-forgotten cave, and then just as you got to the heart of the cave system you suddenly turned on a light and flipped over a big rock on the ground - yeah, those kinds of bugs. I know, "Oh, there he GOES again." And "Sure, devil bugs, right." But I mean REALLY. I tried to take a picture, because I knew you would be thinking that, but all I ended up with was a giant flash on the window (the bugs are on the other side, remember.)

So...I'm not sure what to do. My fatherly instinct is to go steal my blinds back from my daughter. And when she wakes up in the middle of the night, and there's a six-foot-long devil bug clinging to her window, trying to get in to the night light, and she runs screaming to me to ask what happened to her blinds, I can just say "I dunno" and give her the can of RAID®.

*Yes, it's true. The only reason I wrote all of this was to say "congealing like molasses." In fact, I'm not even sure what that would mean but I think it will figure prominently in my forth-coming autobiography: "Carl Schaad, A Forthcoming Autobiography: Congealing like Molasses" OR it will figure prominently in my obituary, as in: "The viewing will be at State College Evangelical Free Church, where Carl Schaad will be congealing like molasses."

Posted by Carl at 10:49 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Bill Proenza has been "temporarily reassigned." Deputy Director Ed Rappaport is replacing him as Director of the NHC.

The Miami Herald has a timeline.

Posted by Carl at 4:08 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Not to be outdone by Enid, Oklahoma - Orange Beach, Alabama sees their ten- and twelve-year old kidnappers and raises an eleven-year-old drunk driver. Police have not released the identity of the driver because she was only going 100 mph and did, in fact, eventually stop for police. Of course, that was only because she side-swiped another car and then flipped over, but technically it counts as a stop.

It's also possible that she had a learner's permit to drive which can be obtained in certain parts of Alabama by kids as young as five (if they're, you know, tall and lanky and can reach the pedals.)

I know this story may stun some of you but then ask yourselves this question: If you were hammered, how far would you be able to drive at 100 mph with the police chasing you? I'm pretty sure this girl got farther that I would have. Now that's moxie for you.

11-year-old charged with driving drunk

Posted by Carl at 4:24 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Video capture of the Young Entrepreneurs from KARE

Police are withholding the identities of the alleged kidnappers because police don't want to cause them any undue stress for who knows what reason.

The mother of the kidnapped child, Sheila Wells, wasn't surprised at the kidnapping, as the two girls had been accused of stealing a purse and had been "banned" from that house. "I'm kind of wondering if maybe if it had something to do with maybe revenge," Wells said.

You can read how the girls initially reacted to the accusation of kidnapping, and how much they wanted for the young lad they kidnapped, here.

Posted by Carl at 4:12 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Epcot's Spaceship Earth. December 11, 2001 ©The Orlando Sentinel

Removing the arm will be no mean feat: it weighs 50 tons and the Epcot letters are each 36' high. With the arm and wand, the overall structure was the tallest at Disney World at 257'. Once down, that honor goes to two rides in Animal Kingdom: the Tower of Terror and Expedition Everest rides, both at 199'. They stopped at 199 because at 200' you have to put lights on the top off your structures for the benefit of aircraft.

The work should be completed by October 1. See the Chicago Tribune for more.

Posted by Carl at 9:19 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

In this previous entry I talked about the pressure the new Hurricane Director, Bill Proenza, has been finding himself under after making several negative remarks about his "corporate parent." Now the Palm Beach Post is reporting that 23 staffers are calling for his removal.

I can't really comment on the relationships of the people who signed the letter asking for his dismissal, but one of them was Evangelina Maruly, Proenza's secretary. Now, that has to hurt.

Proenza has said he won't resign. The busy part of the hurricane season (if we even have one this year) begins soon, in August, and the 23 signatories to the letter say that Proenza is a distraction from their vital core mission.

Another meteorologist piling on is Dr. Jeff Masters, who is the director for meteorology at Weather Underground. (The weather site, not the terrorist organization.) He weighs in on his blog here, suggesting that Proenza has been misleading on the status of the QuikSCAT satellite and - coupled with losing the confidence of his team - should result in his stepping down.

Posted by Carl at 9:05 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Hurricane Chief Bill Proenza - for now?

When asked about the surprise visit Monday night, Proenza would only confirm it and say little else. "I await their finding and, hopefully, their support.''

The Atlantic hurricane season typically runs through November 30.

Posted by Carl at 9:31 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

Did you know that you're hogging up all of the plants? A new "study" has concluded that mankind - human beings - people, no less - represent just one of the millions of species on Earth, yet mankind - people, even - use up 24% of the energy captured by plants. This would be energy from the sun, I suppose. An agriculture professor at the University of Melbourne, Snow Barlow, was quoted as saying:

Normally my acerbic wit wouldn't fail me in this sort of a situation, but I am honestly speechless. You can read the article here. The entire study should be published sometime today. Curious about Snow Barlow? You can read all about him here, or drop him an email.

Posted by Carl at 9:23 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

A "device similar to a pipe bomb," or a "pipe bomb-like" device, or a "low-level crude device," but a device that definitely was not a pipe bomb, exploded and killed a trash can at Disney World's Downtown Disney. The trash can has not been identified yet pending notification of next-of-kin.

Authorities do not yet know why anyone wanted to blow up this particular trash can. The incident occurred at 12:30 a.m., which is when the Orange County Sheriff's Department responded to a call placed by an Alert Disney Security Person. Federal authorities have been involved but have not taken charge of the investigation.

So far the investigation has revealed that the device, which was pipe bomb-like, had "end caps" which is one of the things that made it pipe bomb-like (in addition to the exploding part).

The trash can in question was behind the Cirque du Soleil theater. There is no confirmation that the trash can itself was French. French authorities had no comment when asked about the trash can.

"We have no comment" French authorities said.

More on this breaking story as it becomes available.

Posted by Carl at 4:10 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)

No really, I did. Over the weekend I took Cassie to a rock show. If you're not familiar with these types of things, a rock show is a large gathering of people who set up tables, stands, crates and boxes to show off their rocks. The rocks are amazing: there are big rocks, small rocks, clean rocks, dirty rocks, rocks that are very expensive and (a few) rocks that are cheap.

Actually, to be fair, they don't call the rocks "rocks." They usually use fancy terms, like "gems," "gemstones," "minerals," "fossils," or "plutonium." Generally the larger the rock, and the fancier the term, the more expensive the price tag. Cassie has always been into the rock scene, so to speak, and so going to a rock show was a huge deal for her. Of course, I was selected as the Rock Hero, mostly because I - as a man - can relate to rocks. (I'm not sure what that means either, but Alert Complimenter Tammy gave me a look that suggested it was a good thing.)

The highlight of the show wasn't even the show, though. The highlight was the field trip. I had advanced, insider information that said there would be a field trip to a rock gathering site (a.k.a. "The Outdoors") at 11 a.m. So we arrived early, checked in and signed up for the field trip. When it was time to go, I found out that there were two people going on the field trip: Me, and Cassie. Talk about your one-on-one teaching time! Our Rock Guide, Andy, was brilliant. We drove out of town for about 15 minutes and stopped by the side of the road. On one side was a dense growth of trees; on the other side, a sheer cliff going straight up into the sky covered by loose slate. R.G. Andy (Rock Guide Andy) explained that it wasn't as steep as it looked, and if you sort of lean towards the ground and walk sideways you probably would be able to climb up it but if you started falling and sliding to try and grab on to a large rock or prickly weed so that you didn't slide into the street and get hit by a semi.

All kidding aside (there weren't that many semis) we had a great time digging up rocks and crystals (a kind of rock). Cassie spotted an exposed vein of calcite and found a really nice specimen (a kind of rock.) I may take a picture of it for the blog. She also found various fossils (a kind of rock with dead animals) that R.G. Andy would take the time to describe. It turns out that R.G. Andy had several doctorates in various things, like earth sciences and weed identification and vertical sheer loose slate covered mountain climbing, and so I suppose I should call him Dr. Andy.

I was quite proud of Cassie and her behavior, interest in rocks and everything that Dr. Andy told her. Although, there were occasional lulls in speaking while we were examing rocks and Cassie would pipe up with something like, "Ooo! A stick!" and I would just wonder what I was doing there and how much longer it would be before I twisted my ankle and got home and would hear Tammy say, "You did WHAT?"

All in all, though, a great bonding time. And, best of all, I Got a Rock!

Posted by Carl at 10:07 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)