Buying an ice cream cake at Cold Stone Creamery.

Sadness is getting it home and finding out it's mint chocolate chip, instead of chocolate chip.

Sigh.

(Alert Ice Cream Purchaser Tammy: "I wondered why you were buying a cake that was all green and minty-looking.")

Posted by Carl at 9:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was in the supermarket this morning and suddenly it all came together. I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE PLANNING. I looked over towards the fresh bread section and saw the large donut case. Then I saw those flimsy donut "tissues" you're suppose to use to get your donuts. And then I had the epiphany.

Sometime before 7 a.m. local time on a weekday (probably a Monday) very sick terrorists (with pig flu, or bird flu, or mad cow disease, or the rarer but as yet unknown pimento loaf flu) will be dispatched to grocery stores all over the country. They will arrive in pairs. One will cause a distraction in the bakery area - probably by asking for a really good cinnamon bagel that doesn't have raisins - and the other will go to the donut case, PRETEND to take a tissue, and then reach in and start touching donuts. Mission accomplished, they will leave the store and wait for further orders.

Meanwhile, unsuspecting executives will arrive and purchase donuts for their workers, given it's a Monday and everyone would otherwise have the a Case of the Mondays. The unsuspecting workers will eat the donuts because I mean hey, Free Donut, and will contract pimento loaf flu, which causes some sort of hives or something. That night they'll get all itchy and call in sick the next day. American productivity will take a huge hit because millions of workers will be home watching Dr. Phil and scratching furiously. The economy will further tank. And we'll be no closer to a really good cinnamon bagel without raisins.

And the terrorists will win.

(So please, be careful out there.)

Posted by Carl at 7:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I never know how to categorize these blog posts. I'm putting this one under "End Times" although I was strongly tempted to created a category. I almost created a "donuts" category because every good blog needs a donuts category. Then I thought, "No, this is a story about a lack of donuts. Perhaps I should created a category called 'Fail' instead?"

I stopped by Dunkin' Donuts because I didn't have any money with me for parking. You know how this goes - you end up the in parking garage and you're on the hook for 75 cents, minimum, and then you discover you have no money. So you check all of the interior car compartments, look in the seats, under the floor mats - and now you have 28 cents which isn't going to do anything for you. So you have to get the ATM card out, but the ATM won't give you anything smaller than a fifty, so you look around and, well, there's Dunkin' Donuts. So you go in with your fifty and look around and THERE ARE NO DONUTS.

I mean every single donut tray is empty. The cashier looks at me, I look at the trays, she looks at the trays, I look at her, she looks at me. Then she has this apologetic expression, and says (wait for it) "We're all out of donuts."

I pause. I look around again. "You're all out of donuts?" I'm thinking, this IS Dunkin' Donuts right?

She looks more apologetic; maybe even embarassed. "We don't make the donuts here, and we estimate how many we'll need, and we were hit hard today."

Everything starts to spin and I feel faint. "You don't make the donuts here?" It's like finding out about the Easter Bunny. I hear it echo in my head over and over again. "We don't make the donuts here..."

I grab the counter, steady myself, and buy a chocolate chip cookie that is considerably less than fifty dollars. Armed with absolutely NO DONUTS and at least one dollar bill I leave. I can now pay for parking and escape the garage, but I also had my Dunkin' Donuts myth shattered. Not only are there times when the trays are EMPTY...

They don't even make the donuts there.

Posted by Carl at 10:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)