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Main
(This is a duplication of my post at 37below, but with bonus colons in the blog title.)
I'm sure this has been blogged to death elsewhere, elsewhere being other More Sophisticated Blogs, but it's hard to resist this many eights. This Friday will be August (08) Eighth (08), 2008 (08). And if that wasn't enough to make your head spin, you can throw the time on top of that, 08:08:08 (which is eight minutes and eight seconds after eight o'clock in the morning.) What does all of this mean? Absolutely nothing, I'm sure - but as one who gets excited when the car's odometer turns to some even number, like 10,000, I have to point all of this out and comment on it.
So what will I be doing during the Big Second? Normally I would be in the midst of the morning Getting Ready For Work Ritual, but I plan to pause and yell "WOO HOO!" to no one in particular. Then I'll go back to brushing my teeth or whatever.
What will YOU be doing to celebrate the Big Second? Leave a comment - and make sure to set all of your clocks and watches to the Official Atomic Time. We wouldn't want anyone Woo Hooing a second or two late. And if you end up doing something crazy and exciting, consider snapping a cellphone or digital camera pic and email it over. I'll be happy to post the most interesting, colon-free photos here. Bonus points for any zombies celebrating the Big Second in some way.
Lost Remote is reporting that NewsBlues is reporting that NBCU has "unofficially won" the Weather Channel bidding war (their primary competition was said to be Time Warner) for a cool (no weather pun intended) $3.5 billion (with a B) dollars.
Landmark, the parent company, had originally sought $5 billion (again, with a B) and so the bid - if final - is a bit lower than what they were looking for.
On a related note, Blog Hero is also for sale for $5 billion (with a B) dollars although Blog Hero's financial team (Sven) will entertain offers for less than $5 billion, or less than $3.5 billion, or even maybe less than $1 billion (with a B.)
I bookmarked this article a while ago hoping to get back to it in a more timely fashion, but I was jumped by a ruthless gang of rodeo clowns and have spent the last few weeks driving a small rainbow-colored rodeo clown car while rodeo clowns jump in and out, spraying seltzer and pelting me with pies. Where was I? Oh, the aliens.
'Aliens Are My Brother' is the name of an article in the Vatican newspaper by the Pope's chief astronomer wherein he says intelligent beings created by God may exist elsewhere. I'm not sure what's more unbelievable here: that the Pope has a chief astronomer, or that the Vatican has a newspaper.
If you think about this for a few minutes, you'll probably ask yourself some of the questions that I'm asking myself: Does the Vatican paper have an online edition? Is there a comics section? If so, does it reprint Marmaduke? And how likely is it that there are really aliens working on the Vatican newspaper (maybe at the sports desk?)
Update: On a fluke I searched on Google for Vatican Newspaper English Edition and, well, there you go.
I confess I don't know what that would be (the sound of a sigh caught in a black hole) but I thought the phrase would make a great blog post title. It seems very deep, like the "sound of one hand clapping" until you think about it and realize that it's completely meaningless. I suppose a sigh caught in a black hole would sound like siiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. There might even be a pfffft! right at the end there when it crosses the event horizon. For more on sighing and black holes and event horizons consult your local wikipedia.
Some of you have wondered why I haven't been posting as regularly as in the past. Some surmised I was in a terrible corn canning accident. Others have suggested that the Japanese Mafia finally caught up with me late one night at Wal-Mart, during an ill-fated Twinkies and Pepsi run. A few inquired about my health, given all of the bionics from poorly waged light saber battles and my diet of Twinkies and Pepsi. All good guesses, of course, but in truth I was on vacation at Disney World for the last six months.*
As proof I offer this photo snapped at EPCOT. It is part of the current Tin Toy exhibit being held in the Japan section of EPCOT, right behind the Japanese Mafia booth - which I carefully circumvented while dressed in my Speed Racer disguise. I think this is a Tin Godzilla, desperately in search of some Tin Japanese Soldiers to stomp on. He had just stomped on the Mach 5, Speed Racer and his box office receipts - but was still hungry.
*Okay, I made that up. I can hardly afford to put gas in my well-made but gas-guzzling SUV let alone vacation at Disney World for six months. But vacation is, after all, just a state of mind.
Alert Reader Mark sent a link to this story: "'Frog from hell' fossil unearthed"
I don't need to tell you that if human beings are unearthing evidence of Hell Frogs that the end can't be far behind. I always suspected that frogs were from hell, in addition to wasps, hornets, yellow jackets and ham loaf. But to actually have fossil evidence of that sort of thing? Creepy.
According to the article, the frog had a length of 40 miles. Scientists have postulated that it ate dinosaurs. No really! Go read the article. What? Okay, baby dinosaurs. But still! I'm not sure how scientists know what a frog fossil from hell ate, but I'm clearly not a scientist.
The frog has been named (no I am not making this up) "Beelzebufo." See. I'm pretty sure there are prophecies about the appearance of a frog named Beelzebufo.
 Have you ever been so unsuccessful with a list you've made that you start putting easy things on the list just to check them off? Today I added "Wake up" and "Eat" and was able to check two things off on my list. Some professional people* who have studied this sort of thing insist that checking things off of a list releases endorphins which are these little tiny chemicals in the brain that stimulate the magical "chocolate zone" which in turn makes you feel like you've just eaten chocolate, which is a happy feeling. However, other professional people who have studied this sort of thing suggest you run twenty miles to release endorphins, so there you go.
I have to confess that I really didn't feel much of anything after I checked off "Wake up" and "Eat." When I checked off "Eat" it was because I had a Golden Delicious Twinkie, which although golden AND delicious has 0% of the RDA of chocolate.
Tomorrow's list includes hand-washing every moveable part of the car, digging my own well for oil and dressing myself. I hope to get at least one task checked off.
*I tried looking for these professional people but all my Google Search would turn up were bloggers, and we know we can't trust anything they say.
Alert Reader Wendy points me to this article that may document the opening salvo of an alien attack: Mystery illness strikes after meteorite hits Peruvian village.
Apparently a meteorite crashed in all its fiery glory in souther Peru, and then villagers developed a mysterious illness. Residents have complained of headaches and vomiting brought on by a "strange odor." Of course, a synonym for strange is "alien," so what we have here is an illness caused by an "alien odor." Seven policemen were among those who were sickened.
No word on what was found in the meteorite crater, although "boiling water started coming out of the crater and particles of rock and cinders were found nearby." No word of an alien space ship or little smelly aliens or anything like that.
Amateur astronomers are pretty sure the meteorite came from the constellation Big Boötes, which as we all know is the site of the alien UFO Universe Freeway Entrance.
"He's seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty."
Nebraska state senator sues God
Sen. Ernie Chambers | Wikipedia
Break into small groups and discuss: Can an atheist sue God? Does that make much sense?
UPDATE: What is with this AP Photo? Is that a fan behind him? It's obviously supposed to look like a halo or something. Is this the AP being clever, or just annoying?
Copyright clever AP, all annoyance reserved.
I saw this article come across the ol' RSS reader and immediately knew I had to read it because of the obvious question. The article is entitled, "Web service gives alibis for adulterers."
Now, I'll give you an opportunity to play along at home - what one question do you have when you read that headline? (Jeopardy theme music.) Okay, times up.
Before I get to the first thought I had, a little background: Ibila* is a French company (stop that) founded by ex-private investigator Regine Mourizard. The company will create fake phone calls, mail, restaurant bills and anything else their client needs to safely cover their tracks. They'll even arrange the secret rendezvous.
In the above article, Mourizard says at least two things that are just amazing:
If the alibi is well done and the spouse doesn't suspect anything, this can sometimes save marriages
No I am not making that up. I suppose there are people out there that think a marriage is "safe" while adultery is occurring as long as it's kept secret. The other quote explains why Mourizard entered the adultery alibi business:
For 20 years, I worked to keep people from doing what they wanted to do. And I then thought, 'what if I help them do it, in a safe way?'
Which is an interesting rationale.
The first thing I thought of when I read the headline was, "Does an adulterer really want some company knowing all about their affair?" I suppose that this is an above board company (and, really, why would anyone think otherwise?) but I'd hate to see what would happen if a laptop went missing. Good luck guys.
Filed under: Signs of the End Times
*Here's a Google translation of their French website. Instantly we have some classic lines:
"you choke within the family framework and you wish to take the air without creating discord"
"We have a complete range of services intended to help you to protect your beaches from private activity."
And my favorite (emphasis mine):
If I use alibis IBALA regularly, then I to take a subscription?
Not. The alibis cannot be permanent. Specific, their use and their contents are also most of the time variable. Under these conditions a subscription cannot be justified.
Nevertheless, of the special handing-over can be granted to our faithful customers.
Well, I have to say that the hurricane season so far has surprised me. I think I predicted something like three hundred hurricanes, so unless we get busy here soon I'm probably (probably) going to fall short.
I did a model sweep and didn't see anything too interesting. The Canadian model does have a pretty nice storm crashing into Cape Cod:
Pretty Nice Storm Crashing into Cape Cod
But you'll note that's on day 5, which is an eternity away for a computer model. In any event, that would be Monday, so if you're in Cape Cod you've got that long to panic, run to Lowe's, buy wood, nail it to your house, panic, and then go down to the beach and greet Anderson Cooper. Or, you could stay tuned to Jesse's blog, where he'll no doubt post the latest and greatest.
(Model shot courtesy FSU Experimental Forecast Tropical Cyclone Genesis Potential Fields here.) (Say THAT ten times fast.)
UPDATE: Here's JB's thoughts on the Canadian Model:
"The Canadian is not the dangerous racer on the track with its crazy tropical solutions. For the 5th run in a row, it entrains the tropical energy and drives what looks to be a hurricane into New England. For kicks and giggles, it will be on the big dog this morning, but it is certainly not the model du jour when it comes to this and is rapidly becoming the old GFS hurricane somewhere on every run model, something that will kill its longer term operational runs. Speed kills, but so does heat, when it comes to models if its not handled right"
A "device similar to a pipe bomb," or a "pipe bomb-like" device, or a "low-level crude device," but a device that definitely was not a pipe bomb, exploded and killed a trash can at Disney World's Downtown Disney. The trash can has not been identified yet pending notification of next-of-kin.
Authorities do not yet know why anyone wanted to blow up this particular trash can. The incident occurred at 12:30 a.m., which is when the Orange County Sheriff's Department responded to a call placed by an Alert Disney Security Person. Federal authorities have been involved but have not taken charge of the investigation.
So far the investigation has revealed that the device, which was pipe bomb-like, had "end caps" which is one of the things that made it pipe bomb-like (in addition to the exploding part).
The trash can in question was behind the Cirque du Soleil theater. There is no confirmation that the trash can itself was French. French authorities had no comment when asked about the trash can.
"We have no comment" French authorities said.
More on this breaking story as it becomes available.
 Now, I know some of you will be tempted to do this - if only due to the high cost of gasoline - but whatever you do, do NOT put diesel in your car!
This tip comes from Alert Reader Tammy, who may or may not be my wife and may or may not be at the dealer having the innards* of our car sucked dry. Apparently on the way back from a home schooling convention this weekend Tammy noticed that the car was starting to run low on gas. She pulled into a gas station that she has frequented in the past but something was different. The gas station combined the diesel and the gasoline pumps into one pump with two handles - one for diesel (green in color) and one for gasoline (red in color.) Here the story gets fuzzy, but apparently the green nozzle was put in the car but the buttons for the red nozzle's gasoline were pressed. Some sort of liquid came out of the pump and went into the car. Alert Diesel Selector Tammy then drove away and about two miles later the car started belching loudly. I mean belching like too much Chinese Stir-Fry on Chinese Stir-Fry Wednesday. So she pulled over, checked her receipt (she had one of those feelings) and it said. . . DIESEL! Not only that, but scary music played and the camera shook wildly.
Fortunately, the last time I considered renewing our AAA coverage I thought, "What if Tammy fills the car with Diesel and she's a hundred miles from home?" So I bought the free 100 mile towing-if-you-fill-your-car-with-diesel plan. Also fortunately, if you believe in that sort of thing, was that some friends who had gone to the same home schooling show were just 10 minutes behind Tammy. They were able to bring the kids home while Tammy waited for the tow truck.
So, how much does it cost to have the innards* sucked dry of diesel? We're not sure yet, but should know by the end of the day.
*Yes, this post was just a clever way for me to get to write "innards" twice. Thank you.
Sorry, I just have to ask. First 20 voters get a, um, get an "attaboy!" (Or, should you prefer, an "attagirl!")*
Her fans think she should be freed. (Has anyone see the Free Paris t-shirts? Surely someone is all over that.) Said one fan: "She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives." I can't even comment on this as I'm in the midst of an aneurysm now.
*Attaboys and Attagirls non-refundable, non-transferable and have a cash value of approximately $0.00.
 Okay, so I took Alert Salad Consumer Tammy out to dinner last night where she had a, well, salad. I had the hot turkey sandwich - you know, some hot turkey, stuffing, bread, mashed potatoes - which was quite tasty but about three-quarters through the meal I realized that I hadn't portioned each side dish properly and I was going to end the meal with left over stuffing! Ahhh! Then I realized that it was probably strange that I had to take bites of each of the different sides at a time. THEN I realized that I did this with most of my meals. Which made me wonder, is this okay or some sort of warning sign?
So here's my vital research: leave a comment and let me know, do you:
A. Mix your food,
B. Eat it separately,
C. Just eat so you can get finished before Wheel of Fortune comes on?
Whew! Thanks in advance. Those of you who are mixers can feel free to share tips on how to maintain that delicate balance until the end of the meal.
I've been sick for several weeks now and can't seem to get better. That made me think about all of the people who get pneumonia and die. I wondered if, when their illnesses begin, how many of them think "This will probably turn into pneumonia and kill me." I'm guessing very few, which is probably a bummer because if they knew that the cold or whatever they had would turn into pneumonia and kill them they would probably organize their lives differently. For example, they would probably eat a whole lot more ice cream. They probably wouldn't watch so much television either, but might rent a few movies. (Comedies, maybe? I'm thinking Monty Python "I'm not dead yet!" type stuff.)
In any event, if Spring ever arrives in State College I may get better. Easter morning we awoke to all of the ground (sans sidewalks and streets) covered in white. It was quite the shock in a Mother-Nature-Comes-Up-To-You-And-Slaps-You-In-The-Face sort of way. The weird thing (well, the weirder thing) was that all of the snow melted sometime between 1-3pm. And then it was snowing again later in the afternoon. I blame global warming or the end times*, as I'm pretty sure weird weather is one of the signs of the end, sandwiched in there between Anna Nicole Smith and Plague of Meteors.
In the meantime I'm not skimping on any ice cream.
*I think I'm going to add an "end times" category to the blog, just because the signs are all around us. This weekend we actually got into the Waffle Shop, a local breakfast restaurant, with almost no wait. This was either because of the aforementioned end times or because it was Easter Sunday and who really goes to a breakfast restaurant on Easter Sunday? Sadly, though, the Waffle Shop does not serve ice cream.
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