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There's been a running joke about "Alert Reader Tammy, who may or may not be my wife" on my blog(s) for some time, and I don't know that I've ever explained that. As we just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary, which I told her was the "LEGO" anniversary but let's just say I'm still waiting, I thought I should explain where that came from. It's not an exciting story, although I'm tempted to make one up. But my point here is to describe why I had appeared to be reluctant to just say "wife!" and be done with it.
When I first started blogging I wrestled with a lot of common blogger things. These involved being broke, spending time on something that would enhance my brokeness, writing to no one in particular about nothing in particular (and then getting hate email for it), and most importantly privacy and how closely to guard it. I was hesitant to identify members of my family and legal team and so the first few times I mentioned Tammy it was in the context, "who may or may not be my wife." I figured there was some deniability built in there, in case someone might had preferred to remained anonymous.
Of course this very quickly degenerated into a joke that I had to use every single time Tammy came up. In fact she was brought up a few times just so I could use the joke.
The "Alert Reader" thing was a bit of irony, since early on Tammy didn't read the blog much, if at all. She still isn't a big reader, although she's since gotten on Facebook which may be a sign of the end times, I'm not sure yet.
That's the gist of the story. We celebrated 18 years of wedded bliss. I'm very blessed to have met Tammy and thank God often. Meeting your future spouse on the Internet 20 years ago was still something of a feat, and I'd guess that most people who managed to meet that way back then, and then get married, are probably no longer together. But that's just a guess. The biggest tip I can offer on marriage, and it's not terribly unique or deep, is that marriage isn't a 50-50 deal. Marriage is a 100-100 arrangement. There are times and seasons in life that will require each spouse to, for a time, give more than they may feel is "fair" or "equitable;" they may have to give sacrificially, beyond what is comfortable, and without rest. For a time. If you instead believe all effort is split in half things will break down pretty quickly. Love is patient, and it keeps no records of wrongs.
Hopefully my dysfunctional body will hold up for another 18. By then the LEGOs really start to accumulate.
If you're a fan of Joss Whedon, Neil Patrick Harris, or musical super villain blogging stories, you owe it to yourself to check out Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I guarenteee you may even be humming after the first or second episode. The entire thing is free until Sunday, I think, at which point it will be for sale (it's already on sale on iTunes for $3.99 for all three episodes via a "season pass.")
Article on the show from the SF Gate.
This was a question that I asked at a bible study tonight. The study was about Psalm 1, which is also known as the first psalm. I had to confess two things: that God isn't on my list nearly as often as He should be, and that I really, really, really was excited to purchase the LEGO Indiana Jones game.
LEGO Indy copyright the fine folks at LEGO, and Lucas, Spielberg, Paramount and anyone else I may have forgotten.
I've only played about 20-25% of the game (not including all of the "secret" things you can do in the game like, well, I'm not sure because I haven't figured them out yet) and I've enjoyed it immensely. There's one part where you can have your LEGO Indy build a large LEGO truck and then you can jump into it and run over little LEGO Nazis. That's worth the price of admission right there.
But don't take my word for it! Here's a review on MSNBC that is positive, although it compares it (unfairly I think) to the LEGO Star Wars game.
(I should take a moment to explain that I'm aware that the juxtaposition of mentioning Psalm 1 and running over LEGO Nazis with a big LEGO truck may seem odd to some. Others, however, probably just haven't thought enough about it to realize that yes it's pretty odd.)
I'm starting a new national holiday which I'm (cleverly) naming National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day. If you're one step ahead of me you know that the acronym for that is NOSFSED which is absolutely horrible so the holiday will likely never be known by that.
I was going to pick out a day to observe NOSFSED National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day but then I realized that an online shopping day should be on a day (night) when not much else is going on. So I decided to pick the third Wednesday in May.
The basic idea of National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day is to do something totally random and unexpected and cool for someone else. This could be for someone you know well, like a parent or sibling or co-worker, or it could be for someone you don't know as well, like your boss or local convenience store clerk or cheese merchant, or it could be for someone you don't know at all such as, well, I can't say because it would be someone you don't know at all.
That's basically it. Some of you will want even more details, so I've put together a small FAQ below:
1. Do I HAVE to shop online?
Well, no, I suppose not I won't be checking or anything. But you should shop online for a few years at least to help out the cause. We're just getting started here.
2. Okay, well who do you suggest I send something to?
That's a great question even if it ended in a preposition. I think you already know the answer. In fact, I bet as soon as you read the first few sentences here someone's name popped into your head.
3. No, really, no one popped in there.
That's not actually a question, but if you're still looking for ideas think of someone who might need a pick-me-up. You can even do this anonymously if you'd like, although since it's online shopping you would probably have to send the gift to yourself and then give it to the person in a secret, anonymous, ninja-like way.
4. How much do I have to spend?
I wasn't even going to address this until you brought it up. The point here is to spread a little unexpected joy. It's entirely up to you to decide how much you want to spend. You don't have to send something large to someone to brighten their day and make them feel special.
5. Okay, I think I know someone who I'd like to get something for. Where should I shop?
Where you choose to shop is entirely your choice. I personally love Amazon, iTunes, 1-800-Flowers, and Harry & David. Oh, and of course Disney and Ghirardelli.
I think that about wraps it up. If you have any other questions email me at nosfsed@carlschaad.com. Media inquiries can be made at mediainquiries@carlschaad.com. If you participate let me know how it goes. And have fun out there!
Note: Blog Hero, Blog Hero Enterprises, Blog Hero LLC, Inc., and Blog Hero's legal team (Sven) receive no kickbacks from Amazon, iTunes or any of the other merchants mentioned in today's post. But if they would like to send kickbacks that would be more than acceptable. Also note that while participating in the National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day is encouraged, the Blog Hero respectively requests that you not purchase gifts for the Blog Hero, or Sven, or anyone on the enormous Blog Hero staff. Sven says he has enough chocolate to last at least until Thanksgiving and he just got back from Disney.
Entenmann's has created a single serve original chocolate chip cookie box and they have somehow ended up in the AccuWeather vending machine. A severe sugar rush advisory is in effect for the next 3 hours.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas! As may have been erroneously reported here, I did not receive any toothpaste or soap. But the ginkgo biloba is awesome.
This isn't just about Facebook but about social networking in general. I find that you have to put a lot of energy into social networking to really, really be networking socially. And since I'm an introvert and people-adverse I find it difficult to network, socially, virtually, real-life or whatever. That may come as a surprise to some of you - and if so you need to mail me some chocolate as penance.
The other issue with social networking is that it's a great way to tell everyone that you don't have any friends. Actually, that you don't even have any virtual friends. To me that seems pretty pathetic, but I tend to come from a perfectionistic point of view and even if I don't like being social I still would rather see my friends count break 20.
So I thought I would run an experiment. If anyone out there has Facebook feel free to add me as a "friend." No requirements, expectations or fees are required. You don't need to send me chocolate, real or virtual. You DO need a Facebook account, but I'm pretty sure I'm the last person on earth to get one so that may not be a problem.
The link to my page can be found here:
Link to my page
At least, I hope I'm doing that right. If I'm not let me know and I'll try to figure it out.
Thanks, Friend!
 Today Alert Shopper Tammy and I spent some time reviewing the lists that I had painstakingly created for our trip to Disney. Tammy pointed out that I had spelled mayonnaise wrong. I replied that mayonnaise is a thick sauce made primarily from vegetable oil and egg yolks. She just looked at me.
After we had decided that I shouldn't be in the kitchen nor should I write lists without a good spell-checker we managed to cross some items off. These were primarily items I had inadvertently duplicated. We also crossed off some things that were so badly spelled neither one of us knew what they were (whether made of egg yolks or otherwise.)
In the midst of our trip preparation Cassie had a Tae Kwan Do tournament. It was held locally as her school served as host for schools around the region. Cassie had signed up for "sparing sparring*," which is Tae Kwan Do-ese for "pounding your foe to putty." Of course, they all have protective gear so that no one really turns to putty. Cassie had to battle those in her age group, and of course they were tall boys. But she exhibited finesse and put all of our keen parenting lessons to work and engaged one of the boys in conversation before the big battle. Cassie made a comment that the second and third place trophies were nice, too, because they were a lot smaller and would fit on a book shelf easier. To which the boy responded, "I have too many trophies for my shelves."
Well that was all Cassie needed to hear. When it came time to spar she was determined to make putty. But in the middle of the fight Cassie took a foot to the head and crumpled to the floor like a jar of mayonnaise. Which turned out to be great news - because she wasn't hurt in any permanent, disfiguring way and any contact to the head automatically disqualifies the offending party. So Cassie ended up winning first place - the very tall trophy - and all because she (wait for it) used her head.
The forecast for our trip is starting to take shape. It looks good, and dry, if not a little cold here in State College. Orlando is looking to be in the high 70s/low 80s, which I think I can put up with.
*Sparing, of course, is the act of sharing something. You know, like "He was sparing as much mayonnaise as he could and still have a tangy delicious sandwich himself." Sigh.)
 In an effort to have as much fun as possible I made two lists for our trip to Disney World. The first list I called "The List of Everything To Do Before Going To Disney World." The second list I called "Everything I Think I Should Pack To Take On Our Trip To Disney World." I discovered two very important things while going through this exercise that I will be including in my forthcoming book, "Everything You Should Do and Pack Before Going To Disney World." My publisher* has suggested that I not publish any of these tips now because it may undercut the sale of my book but that's okay - some things are just too important not to share. Not only that, but you'll be so grateful for these occasional trip to Disney World tips that you'll happily buy the forthcoming book. And copies for all of your friends and neighbors.
The two things that I learned are:
A. I have so much to do that we'll probably be going to Disney World when the kids are out of college,
B. I'm going to have to rent a U-Haul.
I suppose I may have gone overboard with the lists. For example, my list of things to do before I go to Disney World include gratuitous entries such as #34 Hold Mail and #12 Have Someone Feed Cat. At this point you might suggest, "Well, don't just sit there blogging - get to work!" I thought about this response, and decided that when you suggest that I would point out that I'm not just blogging, but I'm watching Saraha on TV. So, really, I'm accomplishing more than just blogging, I'm sort of entertaining myself. Also, it's much more effective to take another look at my list and eliminate some things instead of trying to get all of it done at this point. Items like #119 Pack Clothes and #87 Sleep will have to be eliminated.
I used the Internet to come up with my list of things to pack for Disney World. There are many helpful sites out there with titles like "Useful Site of Things to Pack for Disney World" and "How to Pack For A Trip To Disney World" and "Fill Up That U-Haul Now!" that can give you some good starting points. I discovered that my initial list was wholly inadequate. It consisted of things such as clothes, car keys, comb and Rich Chocolate Ovaltine. I never even thought that I should pack duct tape, nunchakus, my television set, dvd player, a really, really long extension cord, DVDs of all 3,000 episodes of Pokémon, earplugs, a taser, extra batteries and taser coils, and silly string. So in order not to miss anything I compiled all of the lists I found and made one master list. It's 12 pages long.
Did you know that camels can run up to 40 mph in short bursts? I'm still watching Sahara and I saw some camels running after a train so I had to go to Wikipedia and check on that. To me, a camel looks like the sort of animal that would know better than to run up to 40 mph in short bursts. I mean, that takes entirely too much effort.
So with 12 days left I just need to get the house cleaned, balance the checkbook, write two books, blog, cure insomnia, and figure out how my Honda CRV is going to tow four tons of Pokémon.
But I'm cautiously optimistic, and there's still an hour left of Sahara.
*Okay I made that up. Publishers interested in a great book idea can contact me here.
Amazing...
If you could somehow distill the essence of Play-Doh and Bunnies I suspect politicians would pay through the nose for it.
Talk like a pirate day be upon ye! Abandon all hope, and pass ye the Twinkies and Yoo Hoo!
Two pirates ©Disney.
 Both of our kids have certain chores that they're expected to do every day. If, for some reason, they don't get those chores done then I - as "Dad" - have the heavy burden of deciding what sort of discipline has to be meted out. Tonight I found out that Cassie had left a book on the floor of her room, and so I decided I would have to duct tape her to a tree. Naturally I said that she would have to smile the entire time (eight hours) because, well, kids nowadays just have no appreciation for the difficulties and sacrifices of parenting.
Actually, before you email child protective services, Cassie was duct taped to a tree as part of her youth group. Both Connor and Cassie attend a youth group at our church (State College Evangelical Free Church and yes, we just say "E Free" because really none of us have that sort of time) and tonight was the first get together of the fall. Furthermore, it was the Official Debut of our new youth pastor, who promptly took the opportunity to duct tape all of the kids to trees. Okay, I made that up. The kids were divided up into two groups (boys & girls) and each team picked a victim. Then the teams raced to see who could tape their victim up faster. Despite the apparent success of the girl's team the boy's team managed to tape faster.
I figured this was a parable-ish, deep spiritual lesson like, I don't know... God is the tree, our friends represent the duct tape and, well, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition. But it turns out that it was mostly good, clean, adhesive fun.
If anyone is in State College Wednesday nights at 7 p.m., consider dropping the kids off for a great time. You (the parents) can have a nice "date night" for an hour-and-a-half, and as parents know that's pure gold. In the meantime, your kids will get taped to trees, and what kid doesn't want to be taped to a tree, really?
Introducing a new blog feature - FLASHBACK!
Flashback is where I regurgitate sputter forth heave republish an old blog post because I don't have to write a new one then because I really enjoyed it. To me, this is a classic but, then again, maybe you had to be there.
Enjoy!
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