Yes, that's a huge monster storm, or Godzilla, headed straight for New Orleans. Keep in mind this is only one model, and I'm not sure it's a particularly good model. In fact, I think the other models gave it a swirly in the bathroom this morning. But the consensus developing this morning is that it will make it into the Gulf and rapid intensification will be a real risk.

If I was a gambling man I would probably load up on oil since the price will likely spike. Just for fun let's see if I lose my shirt: The light, sweet, (and delicious) crude contract on the New York Mercantile Exchange closed at $115.11 a barrel. So let's say I pick up, well, 5000 barrels (I only have so much room in my garage.) That would cost me $575,550 which is okay, because my great uncle three times removed on my mother's side is T. Boone Pickens. And then let's check the price whenever (and wherever) Gustav makes U.S. Landfall.*

In any event, everyone in the Gulf should pay attention to legitimate weather/monster/zombie information sources for watches, warnings, and advisories. Stay safe!

*Blog Hero's crack legal team, Sven, just called in from a Dunkin' Donuts and said that I have to put a disclaimer here about buying oil. The aforementioned blog post discussing buying oil is for entertainment value only. No one is to blame if you lose all of your money in the oil market because Gustav is actually Gamera and leaves the oil producing areas of the Gulf alone and instead flies off and destroys Tulsa. Sven also asked me to say that today's post meant to offense to the oil companies, oil traders, people who get stinking filthy rich from trading oil while we deal with $4 gas, Mr. Boone Pickens, Mr. T, zombies, giant radioactive monsters or meteorologists well that's about it. Sven had to get back to his latte and jelly donut.

UPDATE 1: Oil up more than a dollar. That was the easiest $8,550 I never made!

UDPATE 2: Oil industry battens down as Gustav approaches

UPDATE 3: Stocks Struggle as Gustav Looms

UPDATE 4: Gulf Oil, Gas Hurricane Evacuations to Begin Tomorrow

The family knows after many years to seek shelter when there's a Carl Cleaning Warning in effect. They usually go to the basement and find a sturdy wall and play UNO until the warning is over. Actually, they watch from a distance and feign boredom, but I know inside they're secretly jumping in glee knowing that I've broken down. It's like when Kasparov played that computer in chess, and the computer won, and you just know the geek programmers (I say that with fondness, of course) were jumping up and down and high-five-ing each other and yelling "WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!"

The final straw was asking my dear daughter where the cable to charge her cellphone was and she didn't know.

"I don't know." she said plaintively, which isn't easy for a daughter.

"Is it in your room?" I asked, vexed, which is very easy for a father and comes naturally.

So I attacked the room and found all sorts of things. Most of the things were buried under layers of stuff in the closet. I'm not going to go into most of what those things were in order to protect the guilty and quite messy, but I will list four things that were found:

1. Almost $30, which the aforementioned daughter had no idea she had. (Now I have to take her shopping; I haven't yet told her about my Finder's Fee.)
2. Moose antlers
3. Bigfoot
4. A cellphone cable to charge a cellphone

Bigfoot was cowering in the closet under a pile of dirty laundry. I'm not sure how he got in there; I checked and he definitely was not a rubber suit. When I went to get my digital camera and came back I found the window open and no sign of him anywhere. Oddly enough, the moose antlers were gone as well. Draw your own conclusions.

So now I have one really clean and organized room in the house which I can enjoy for another, oh, three or four hours. But it's clean, darn it. And that makes me really exultant.

And that's not easy for an OCDish-neat-freak-Dad. Really.

Thanks to The Inquisitor

*It's sometimes hard to verify these things, and I take just about everyone on YouTube with a grain of salt.

1. Someone should check the fridge, because Bigfoot could be, you know, just pretending he's dead.

2. Bigfoot continues to elude mankind by cleverly hiding in dense forests and shopping at Wal-Mart after 1 am.

You have to give these guys credit for trying though. An autopsy is still planned, which should reveal if the Opossum Man is alive or not, and if not, how he died. Look for the video special on FOX this fall.

Everyone stay safe! Check out AccuWeather.com for the latest. I'll try to post an occasional update here.

When I first started blogging I wrestled with a lot of common blogger things. These involved being broke, spending time on something that would enhance my brokeness, writing to no one in particular about nothing in particular (and then getting hate email for it), and most importantly privacy and how closely to guard it. I was hesitant to identify members of my family and legal team and so the first few times I mentioned Tammy it was in the context, "who may or may not be my wife." I figured there was some deniability built in there, in case someone might had preferred to remained anonymous.

Of course this very quickly degenerated into a joke that I had to use every single time Tammy came up. In fact she was brought up a few times just so I could use the joke.

The "Alert Reader" thing was a bit of irony, since early on Tammy didn't read the blog much, if at all. She still isn't a big reader, although she's since gotten on Facebook which may be a sign of the end times, I'm not sure yet.

That's the gist of the story. We celebrated 18 years of wedded bliss. I'm very blessed to have met Tammy and thank God often. Meeting your future spouse on the Internet 20 years ago was still something of a feat, and I'd guess that most people who managed to meet that way back then, and then get married, are probably no longer together. But that's just a guess. The biggest tip I can offer on marriage, and it's not terribly unique or deep, is that marriage isn't a 50-50 deal. Marriage is a 100-100 arrangement. There are times and seasons in life that will require each spouse to, for a time, give more than they may feel is "fair" or "equitable;" they may have to give sacrificially, beyond what is comfortable, and without rest. For a time. If you instead believe all effort is split in half things will break down pretty quickly. Love is patient, and it keeps no records of wrongs.

Hopefully my dysfunctional body will hold up for another 18. By then the LEGOs really start to accumulate.

I'm sure this has been blogged to death elsewhere, elsewhere being other More Sophisticated Blogs, but it's hard to resist this many eights. This Friday will be August (08) Eighth (08), 2008 (08). And if that wasn't enough to make your head spin, you can throw the time on top of that, 08:08:08 (which is eight minutes and eight seconds after eight o'clock in the morning.) What does all of this mean? Absolutely nothing, I'm sure - but as one who gets excited when the car's odometer turns to some even number, like 10,000, I have to point all of this out and comment on it.

So what will I be doing during the Big Second? Normally I would be in the midst of the morning Getting Ready For Work Ritual, but I plan to pause and yell "WOO HOO!" to no one in particular. Then I'll go back to brushing my teeth or whatever.

What will YOU be doing to celebrate the Big Second? Leave a comment - and make sure to set all of your clocks and watches to the Official Atomic Time. We wouldn't want anyone Woo Hooing a second or two late. And if you end up doing something crazy and exciting, consider snapping a cellphone or digital camera pic and email it over. I'll be happy to post the most interesting, colon-free photos here. Bonus points for any zombies celebrating the Big Second in some way.

And mayonnaise makes me think of Disney. Not because everything makes me think of Disney (some things make me think of food) but because I appreciate the attention to detail that Disney puts in everything they do. Often times that attention goes unnoticed, but they know that someone will "get it" - like hidden mickeys put into the theming of various rides and shows. So when I create a category on the blog called "Sandwich Spreads" my hope is at least one person notices and smiles. Of course, one person might be 16% of the total readership, and that may be a lot to hope for, but then again my elbow hurts because I've been spending too much time practicing the javelin. Come what may, I want to thank everyone for all of the reading, support and comments over the last few years - yes, even you Mr. I Like Your Site Buy Viagra Now.

1. Weigh in. Sigh.
2. Blood pressure check. Sigh.
3. Medication review. Blank look.
4. Doctor finally comes in, asks "How are you?" to which I say "Fine." (D'oh!)

The recent complaints have been centered on my right knee and right elbow. You might think there's only a 50% chance of injuring stuff on the same side of your body, but it turns out this is extremely efficient. Particularly if you can hurt the same side of your body that you use most often.

The pain that I've been experiencing in my knee is something called "Jumpers Knee." It's called that because it's usually associated with people who jump a lot. I, of course, avoid jumping whenever possible - so getting jumpers knee is a form of cosmic irony. The first round of treatment involves avoiding jumping, or running, or pole-vaulting (really, all of the things I enjoy most.) I'm suppose to take an anti-inflammation something or other but not too much as that will cause stomach problems. And, lastly, I'm supposed to put something cold on my knee until the swelling goes down or the knee goes numb or I can't stand.

The second pain, which as I said I've cleverly coordinated with the jumpers knee, is "Tennis Elbow." This condition is called that because it's normally associated with people who play too much tennis, or engage in too much javelin throwing. The first round of treatment is to avoid anything that requires use of your arm. Plus, take some ibuprofen (not too much or it might cause stomach problems) and put ice on it until your arm flops at your side like a dead mackerel.

None of this is intended to be whiny, by the way - I just wanted to update everyone and the Facebook status thing only gives you so many characters. Trying to keep up with the consulting and the AccuWeather Top Secret Projects I'm Not Allowed To Blog About Because It Would Give The Competitors A Huge Advantage is a bit challenging, particularly when I'm spending so much of my time leaping and hurling the discus. But, you know, the Olympics are coming up and it's hard not to get caught up in all of the hysteria.

On the positive side, only $2,417 more dollars until I hit my deductible. And it's only July!

The reason this commercial irks me so much is because don't understand why Domino's is delivering pizza to a sadistic, homicidal maniac. And who is chasing the pizza delivery person? Is it the Joker's henchmen? If so, why would the Joker try to steal his own pizza? Just irritating. Domino's could have avoided the whole associating-with-true-evil thing by delivering a big pepperoni deep dish to the bat cave or something.

Besides the normal every day personal trials and travails that everyone has to deal with and I won't bore you with here, I've been busy with a full load of consulting work in addition to my AccuWeather work. I really need to update the portfolio - or at least my home page - but here's a little of what I've been working on:

State College Evangelical Free Church
This is our church, and I've been working on a new website for a while now. I've had a lot of organizational help from the church, and a capable hand has leant some much needed assistance with the podcasting/mp3s in the messages section. Like all websites it's a work in progress and will continue to grow over the coming months. I'm actually thinking about creating a Facebook tie-in but for now that's on the wish list. Speaking of Facebook, Alert Reader and Sometime Computer Geek/Social Networking Empress Tammy (who may or may not be my wife) actually has a Facebook page! Feel free to add her to your friends list, and leave a message on her "wall." You should be able to find her here.

No Kidding, Me Too!
No Kidding, Me Too! is a nonprofit organization comprised of entertainment industry members designed to educate Americans about mental health issues. It was founded by actor Joe Pantoliano, who has been in a billion (with a "B") movies and television shows. I liked him best as "Cypher" in The Matrix who was (minor spoiler coming look away before it's too late oh no) the baddie on the crew of the Nostromo. MSNBC did a great interview with him here that explains why he's involved in this particular area. I designed the site for the Artemis Group (another agency designed the logo.)

PSU Medieval Technology and American History
I worked with the Artemis Group on this project as well - Penn State received a grant from the NEH as part of the We the People initiative. The site was selected for inclusion on the NEH list of the best online resources for education in the humanities, which is very cool. To put this in perspective, not one ninja made the list, and ninjas are very dangerous, particularly when roused or needled about their garb.

Article on the show from the SF Gate.

I realized today that I worked all weekend (Thursday night - Sunday morning) on my consulting biz and didn't really earn anything. I was "catching up" on some odds and ends and pro bono work. I actually sandwiched my work around reading "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life." For some reason that seems either extremely pathetic or extremely dysfunctional. That's not to say that the work I did this weekend wasn't important or valuable. It's just that sometimes it gets to be tiring.

(So far I have to say that "Boundaries" is a good read. I'll let you know if it's life-changing or not.)

I spent some time playing with my camera, an awesome Nikon D70 that I received as a gift from my father-in-law. It's the sort of thing I've always wanted but never thought I would spend money on mostly because of the Schaad Prime Directive, which says we can only buy the second least-expensive type of anything. (For example, let's say that the Schaads need a garden hose. Now, most families would probably spend time researching garden hoses in order to find a quality brand that is a good value and will last a long time, maybe never needing to be replaced. Not us. We will go right to Lowe's and find the least expensive garden hose, which is probably $9.96 and made in the Ukraine by cave gnomes, and then cleverly buy the hose that is slightly more expensive ($9.98). We realize that if we buy the least expensive hose it will be our fault when it unravels like three hundred-year-old yarn. But if the second least-expensive hose unravels like three hundred-year-old yarn well, then we'll be properly outraged.)

So I could never buy a digital SLR camera, unless it was made out of yarn by cave gnomes from the Ukraine. But I've always wanted a nice camera I could use and it's been wonderful. I borrowed a tripod from a friend at AccuWeather (Nick the Camera Genius) and set up a photo shoot with some LEGOs.

The first thing I realized is that a nice camera can make even a rank amateur look pretty good. Since I don't rise to the level of rank amateur, the second thing I realized is that Photoshop can make even an unrank amateur look like a rank amateur. But it's a lot of fun learning. The photo above shows Jar Jar Binks getting robbed by a clone trooper. In the background, another clone trooper is trying to rob a giant lizard. The giant lizard probably has more money on him than Jar Jar, but clone troopers aren't particularly bright, especially clone troopers that rove in bands looking for aliens to rob.

Here's another shot. This is Professor Snape right before two clone troopers jumped out and robbed him:

There are more but I'll spare you. It's tricky setting up a shot - you have to create some sort of neutral background, get the lighting right and then, when you're ready to take the shot, your daughter comes in and bumps the table and all of the LEGO guys fall over. I have about eight shots of LEGOs lying on their sides like turtles unable to flip themselves aright. Well, okay, they're LEGOs and they can't move but you know what I mean.

Finally, by way of the holiday weekend update, carlschaad.com disappeared for some time. I'm not exactly sure how long I was gone, but I checked yesterday and Network Solutions was kind enough to replace my site with a notice that my domain had been suspended. For a brief moment I felt panic, until I realized that no one probably even noticed, and then I felt curiously calm - like this was an opportunity to make a break. I could just let the domain name go and be off the grid. Then I remembered the AccuWeather blog, and the Facebook page, and the Google cache, and Ukrainian MySpace page, and decided that I couldn't run away. When I looked into the problem I found out that my Network Solutions email address was an Earthlink address, which I last used three ISPs ago in 1992. Thankfully my web host, which is NOT made out of yarn, was able to save my bacon and the site is back up.

*We don't really have a ranch, or really any cattle, or horses, or bales of hay, but we do have a cat and sometimes tumbleweeds blow through our yard.