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Main
I confess I don't know what that would be (the sound of a sigh caught in a black hole) but I thought the phrase would make a great blog post title. It seems very deep, like the "sound of one hand clapping" until you think about it and realize that it's completely meaningless. I suppose a sigh caught in a black hole would sound like siiiiiighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. There might even be a pfffft! right at the end there when it crosses the event horizon. For more on sighing and black holes and event horizons consult your local wikipedia.
Some of you have wondered why I haven't been posting as regularly as in the past. Some surmised I was in a terrible corn canning accident. Others have suggested that the Japanese Mafia finally caught up with me late one night at Wal-Mart, during an ill-fated Twinkies and Pepsi run. A few inquired about my health, given all of the bionics from poorly waged light saber battles and my diet of Twinkies and Pepsi. All good guesses, of course, but in truth I was on vacation at Disney World for the last six months.*
As proof I offer this photo snapped at EPCOT. It is part of the current Tin Toy exhibit being held in the Japan section of EPCOT, right behind the Japanese Mafia booth - which I carefully circumvented while dressed in my Speed Racer disguise. I think this is a Tin Godzilla, desperately in search of some Tin Japanese Soldiers to stomp on. He had just stomped on the Mach 5, Speed Racer and his box office receipts - but was still hungry.
*Okay, I made that up. I can hardly afford to put gas in my well-made but gas-guzzling SUV let alone vacation at Disney World for six months. But vacation is, after all, just a state of mind.
I know we've discussed the Japanese Mafia and their weather control/hurricane generating machine before. The Yakuza has been relatively quiet lately, letting global warming do their dirty work for them. But there's an interesting book written by former Yakuza Shoko Tendo just recently translated to English. The book, "Yakuza Moon," chronicles Tendo's life as a daughter of a Yakuza gang leader. Maltastar.com has more here. This book has Tarantino movie written all over it. The 39-year-old Tendo looks like a pretty, average young woman until you realize that - yes- those really are tattoos covering her almost head to toe. The tattoos symbolize her affiliation with the gang, and are an ever-present reminder of a past she's trying to escape.
Article here. No idea yet how this will affect their weather program, and if we will see a good or bad hurricane season.
*Thanks to Alert Reader Susan who noticed a link problem - an errant mailto: call was stuck in there. My apologies if you accidentally emailed the Japanese Mafia. All I can say is, well, change your name and move to Bolivia. Thank you.
Have you ever done something you didn't want to do, only to learn that you didn't have to do it after all, while you didn't do something you wanted to, just to learn that you should have?
Me neither but man, that would be ironic.
 I was doing some research on the "eerie quiet" of the hurricane season so far. I confess that had I come up empty, even though I'd been searching the Internet for over 13 hours straight. I tried "Atlantic Hurricane Season," "East Pacific Hurricane Season," "Missing Hurricanes," "Places to Look If You've Lost A Hurricane," "Hurricanes, Bigfoot and the Bermuda Triangle," and a host of other searches. But then I had what must have been some sort of divine brainstorm and tried "Russian-Made Cold War Era Weather Machine" + "Japanese Mafia" + "Parts Needed" and found this.
Well, I guess that explains that. Once they determine I'm on to them, I'm sure it will disappear. I have a screen capture for proof.
(Please note: The image at right has been inserted here to break up the text and give this posting a visual element. If you squint really hard, from across the room, it sorta looks like there's a hurricane way in the back on the left there. Also, this could be Florida. AND, there's probably another Russian-Made Cold War Era Weather Machine buried under the sand there.)
I know, I know, this isn't the entire machine. But you have no idea what I went through just to get this photo! It looks a little old - maybe even Cold War Era - but it appears to be one of the dials on the Russian Made Weather Machine. You can see from the photo that the Weather Machine, which as we all know is currently employed by the Japanese Mafia, appears to have several settings, including "La Niña," "Very Dry" and "Florida Cat 6." There's no way to know if there are other dials, what settings they might have, etc. But this demonstrates that anyone in Florida should probably start preparing now for Hurricane Season. Preparation would include storing plywood, stocking up on bottled water and buying your one-way tickets to Peoria.
Right now I'm looking on eBay talking to my confidential sources about the manual to the Weather Machine. We'll see what I turn up.
UPDATE: Alert Reader Susan asks, "Why would a Russian-Made Weather Machine used by the Japanese Mafia have a dial in English (and a little Spanish?)" Well! I don't know what to say. This is a great point. I am DEFINITELY leaving negative feedback for JPNMAFSTOOGE114. I knew the new user icon was trouble but I always get sucked in with the free shipping.
Australia is having a tough season. Tropical Cyclone Monica, with winds gusting to 220 mph, is headed for Darwin. You can see the well-defined eye in this satellite snap:
Satellite Snap of Well-Defined Eye courtesy the Bureau of Meteorology
Does anyone know if Australia has antagonized the Japanese Mafia lately? Or is the J.M. just warming up the machine?
Links:
BoM Track Map
CNN article on Monica.
ABCNews Online article about evacuations.
Find the latest via Google News here.
AccuWeather.com's Hurricane Center has info here.
Well, it appears that the Japanese Mafia successfully tested out their Russian Made Cold War Era Blot-Out-The-Sun Machine. What they'll do with this new found power is beyond me, but you can be sure that it will probably involve ruining Major League Baseball's day games. (They are, after all, out for revenge over the whole Hiroshima thing.)
Alert Reader Erika, who may or may not be related to Alert Reader Mark who shows up on the Blog Map™ from time to time in Costa Rica, sent in some amazing astronomical-type photos today. I just wrote her to say Thanks and to note that I wasn't feeling well yesterday, and there was no way I was going to get up and see the eclipse streamed live at 5 a.m. So I was a little disappointed, but when I got these photos I perked right up.
This is from way back on June 8, 2004. That little dot in front of the sun is Venus in transit.
This is the eclipse yesterday as seen from Zurich, Switzerland. © Professor Markus Noll
It's curious how little press the "U.S. Senate Bill 517 and U.S. House Bill 2995" are getting. You wouldn't even know what they were about, probably, if it wasn't for the title of this post. This bill would allow weather modification - presumably by the government. I haven't read the bill yet, so it could be about turning rain into chocolate for all I know, which would be kinda cool the first or second time it rained. After that it would just get old, as in "Great it's raining chocolate again - kids, go outside and get grandma and bring her in."
There's an article here that talks about some of the potential "challenges" with weather modification. I'll save you some time and sum up what the article suggests the challenges are: We don't know what we're doing. That's basically it.
I'm really not sure what sort of an authority the site "foodconsumer.org" is. I note that all of their links have periods interspered in them. That seems to be an attempt to prevent people from finding them via an online search. Hmm. Who are they worried will find them? The Japanese Mafia, perhaps? If so - sorry guys, they'll probably get to you via this blog now. If they do find you drop me a note and I'll put periods in my post in we.ird pl.aces so that they can't f.ind y.o.u.
In the meantime, tonight I may do a little more research on the bill. Now I'm curious.
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