Today we found out that we're getting a dog. It happened like this. Cassie said she wanted a dog. Okay, that was pretty much it. We, as responsible loving parents promptly "rolled over."
The first step in getting a dog is careful research of breeds, what to expect from each breed, what breed would offer us - as a unique family - the best experience and fit. Of course, we skipped that step. That step involved a lot of reading and books and stuff.
The next step was to decide where to get a dog. One option is a breeder, who somehow makes dogs, mostly out of that stuff you use in quilts, and that bendable wire and a whole lot of tape. However, that stuff you use in quilts apparently costs billions of dollars because it can only be harvested under a full moon by yak herders in the mountains of Nepal, and yak herders have recently unionized and that's affected prices. So a breeder dog costs just shy of $28,000.
So the next step after that was to look at rescued dogs. This is actually what we wanted to do, because if we can give a rescued dog a good home then we've accomplished two things: we've given a rescued dog a good home, and those yak herders don't get another dime of my hard earned money.
Cassie began browsing for a dog via Petfinder (using all of the carefully amassed data in step one) and found a candidate. However, I contacted the owner and it had just been given to someone in Nepal. The second dog Cassie found is named "Midnight." Instantly this seemed promising. There were no dogs listed like "Misery," "Despair," or "Anguish," so it was likely we would have to settle for something like "Midnight."
I contacted the owner and that set off an application process so thorough it makes me feel guilty no one questioned me more when I had live human children. I had to provide references. I had to give my birth date. I have to divulge my work place and profession. I had to share what vet we use. After the initial application, we were told the dog was being removed from the Internet because of all of the applications, but that we would be considered.
In the meantime Cassie had become the model child. Cleaning up the house, checking out dog books from the library, watching dog shows on TV - all in an attempt to learn more and roll her parents. So far her diabolical plan was working. The next step in the application process - and no I am not making this up - was to take pictures of the inside and outside of our house. At this point I passed the application process on to Alert Photographer Tammy, as there was no way I was going to photograph the interior of my house for a pet who likely wouldn't appreciate the photos I'd take anyway. I said I would support her continuing the process (this involved me standing some distance away, putting my fingers in my ears, waving my hands while making a pffffffttttttttttt! sound with my tongue) but that I wasn't going to steer it. She took the pictures and sent them off. We were hopeful that should this be a colossal mistake that God in His infinite mercy would destroy our block with a meteor.
Tammy received a response right away, and we were asked if we had a 12-year-old daughter named Cassandra, and if she had been emailing anyone at the rescue. Head smacking keyboard moment. We said yes, and if she had been a bother we apologized. She received a response to that, saying that we could have Midnight because the owner of the rescue, whom Cassie had been writing, was so impressed with her questions and her maturity.
So, with the email up on Alert Dog Acquirer Tammy's computer screen, I called Cassie into the room and asked her in a stern voice if she had been emailing about Midnight. She nervously said, "Yes, why?" Tammy said "You better read that email young lady." Trembling she sat down and read. Then she shouted and jumped up and down, laughed, screamed and sobbed all in about 60 seconds.
We will likely visit Midnight this weekend (Cassie turns 13 on Friday) and if everything seems to click we will bring him home. He's a lab/shepherd mix, and we're told that he will grow to be 18' tall and eat a buick's weight in food each day.
I was in the supermarket this morning and suddenly it all came together. I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE PLANNING. I looked over towards the fresh bread section and saw the large donut case. Then I saw those flimsy donut "tissues" you're suppose to use to get your donuts. And then I had the epiphany.
Sometime before 7 a.m. local time on a weekday (probably a Monday) very sick terrorists (with pig flu, or bird flu, or mad cow disease, or the rarer but as yet unknown pimento loaf flu) will be dispatched to grocery stores all over the country. They will arrive in pairs. One will cause a distraction in the bakery area - probably by asking for a really good cinnamon bagel that doesn't have raisins - and the other will go to the donut case, PRETEND to take a tissue, and then reach in and start touching donuts. Mission accomplished, they will leave the store and wait for further orders.
Meanwhile, unsuspecting executives will arrive and purchase donuts for their workers, given it's a Monday and everyone would otherwise have the a Case of the Mondays. The unsuspecting workers will eat the donuts because I mean hey, Free Donut, and will contract pimento loaf flu, which causes some sort of hives or something. That night they'll get all itchy and call in sick the next day. American productivity will take a huge hit because millions of workers will be home watching Dr. Phil and scratching furiously. The economy will further tank. And we'll be no closer to a really good cinnamon bagel without raisins.
The domain name (bloghero.com) is working again, and should redirect properly. There are still some design issues to fix but it's getting late, the snow has turned to sleet and the Vicodin is wearing off. (I'm in that gray, uncertain time period - do you take more pain medication so that you can sleep - with the odds beings that you won't get much use out of it - or do you just "tough it out" and save the extra pills?)
If anyone out there reading this uses an RSS client, please let me know if the feed is working for you. I tried NewsFire for the Mac and it all seems to be there.
And thank you to the people who have contacted me via email and Facebook or who have left comments on the blog: I appreciate all of the kind words. :)
*I know you're probably not supposed to say "Mostest Odd" but I wanted to anyway, sorry.
I have a web visitors/statistics service installed that gives me basic information about people visiting Blog Hero. I frankly don't understand it. I haven't really spent a lot of time analyzing the data I get from different sources, so when something comes over the ol' RSS reader like this I'm pretty much at a loss:
That may be the weirdest visit I've ever had. You'll note that not only is this person apparently visiting from Tehran, Iran (can you even DO that in Tehran, Iran?) but they're checking out the Aliens/Bigfoot/Elvis topic page. (Mind you, that's a great bunch of articles.) The most recent article there is about Galactic Freedom Day, so perhaps this is some pro-freedom minded Iranian searching for information via Google on freedom. That would be very said, as I could see him getting into my blog, which has almost no useful information about anything, let alone freedom, and then he'd be discovered by some Internet Police Group and hauled away. Let's hope that doesn't happen.
If you would have told me in college that I would one day "write regularly" and that people all over the world would read it, I would have said two things to you:
1. You're completely insane (And you probably were)
and
2. Will that pay well (It doesn't)
This is one of those stories that you have to read carefully because it may cause all of your arteries to simultaneously explode. Henry K. Boateng was sentenced to life in prison for killing his 5-week-old son (let that sink in) and attacking the baby's mother. While in prison Boateng became a Buddhist and then sued the state prison system for violating his civil rights because he was denied a vegan diet.
And he won.
U.S. Chief District Judge Mark L. Wolf found that the state did indeed violate Boateng's (now going by the name Daniel Yeboah-Sefah) civil rights and ordered that a vegan diet be provided.
Boateng's lawyer, Beverly B. Chorbajian, was quoted as saying that Boateng was pleased by the decision. "The statute is designed to protect these people who are stuck in institutionalized settings," she said. (This is the part where I popped several arteries. Stuck in institutionalized settings? How does that sort of thing happen? Oh, that's right.)
During the federal civil trial, Chorbajian presented three specialists on Buddhism, who "explained why it was wrong to consume food derived from animals and explained the concept of karma and suffering," she said.
The HMS Ontario has returned from the grave, having been discovered 228 years later resting in remarkable condition at the bottom of Lake Ontario. The color waters of Lake Ontario are thought to have help preserved the wreck. It was found sitting upright, learning over to one side, with both masts still in place.
Shipwreckworld.com* has a great story here, including pictures that explorers Jim Kennard and Dan Scoville were able to take of the wreck with a remote-controlled robot built by Scoville.
Cannon on the port side of the HMS Ontario
By Dan Scoville & Jim Kennard
*There's actually a shipwreckworld.com - how cool is that?
Eric Schmidt, Google CEO, tried to clarify the meaning behind the search engine's trademark slogan “Don't be evil” recently. As Google has grown, the brand has come under increased scrutiny from a legion of critics who debate if "Don't be evil" can apply to a money-making entity on the rise.
During an on-stage interview, Schmidt explained that “Don't be evil” is actually not meant to be company's public position – it's supposed to spark internal ethical debates.
Why on earth would anyone clarify a company statement like "Don't be evil" and end up saying that it's just to spark debate? Some things are probably better left unsaid.
And I thought the price of gasoline was intolerable... The Christian Science Monitor weighs in on inflation, Zimbabwe, and a 160 million dollar bag of potatoes*.
*Zimbabwe dollars, which hopefully are printed in large denominations or are very, very small.
Lost Remote is reporting that NewsBlues is reporting that NBCU has "unofficially won" the Weather Channel bidding war (their primary competition was said to be Time Warner) for a cool (no weather pun intended) $3.5 billion (with a B) dollars.
Landmark, the parent company, had originally sought $5 billion (again, with a B) and so the bid - if final - is a bit lower than what they were looking for.
On a related note, Blog Hero is also for sale for $5 billion (with a B) dollars although Blog Hero's financial team (Sven) will entertain offers for less than $5 billion, or less than $3.5 billion, or even maybe less than $1 billion (with a B.)
Although I had a little fun with the title of this post*, kudos to Subway for responding to the concerns of the home schooling community (and others, I'm sure) by providing an explanation for the initial "gaffe" and offering a solution. The solution appears to be the creation of an additional contest "in which home schooled students will be encouraged to participate."
There's a great marketing lesson here if you dig past all of the angst and political trauma: Subway's contest probably received much more attention that it would have otherwise garnered if they had included home schoolers. Now that their oversight has been widely examined, the challenge for Subway is how to turn this into a win. By responding fairly quickly, offering an explanation and promising an opportunity for a level playing field (if you'll pardon the pun) I think they end up coming out on top.
Alert Sandwich Eater Tammy has stepped down to DEFCON 4 and is once again considering what sort of sub to get. (Full disclaimer: Subway may or may not be the closest sandwich shop to the Schaad Casa. I'm just saying.)
*The title of the post was too clever to pass up, but I want to point out that I'm not actually suggesting that the title of the Subway page actually says "Subway Caves." (See below.) I'm something of a typography geek, and something of a marketing geek, but even on my best day am probably not a threat to anyone in either category. But Subway should exercise extreme caution with their messaging moving forward, since so many people will be looking at this carefully.
An article in the Wall Street Journal tonight (Oil Prices Prompt Four-Day Week) talks about a group of smaller towns and community colleges switching to four ten-hour work days, and how larger local governments are showing interest as well:
"Michigan's Oakland County and New York's Suffolk County are both considering putting public employees on four-day workweeks. In Oklahoma, a resolution has been introduced in the state house of representatives recommending all state and local public employers move to a shortened week to provide relief from the cost of commuting."
I was thinking about this very topic only yesterday, when Alert Reader and BBQ Genius Jim mentioned a four-day work week. The price of oil and gas are the main drivers (no pun intended) (no, really) of this, and the savings could be considerable:
'"The things I've been reading say this is not a temporary hike in gas as we've seen in the months of the past," said L. Brooks Patterson, county executive for Oakland County, a wealthy area north of Detroit. "I don't think it stops at $4.20. I think it can easily be $5 or $6 a gallon."
Mr. Patterson is seeking approval from the county's Board of Commissioners to install a four-day, 40-hour workweek that would remain in place for "the foreseeable" future. As many as 1,500 of the county's 4,000 employees could end up working four 10-hour days a week instead of five eight-hour days.
Assuming gas stays at $4 a gallon and workers use two gallons for each round trip to work, Mr. Patterson estimated the savings from having 800 workers commuting only four days a week could save them a total of about $300,000 over the course of a year."
And work commutes are not the only thing on the American chopping block: this CNN article cites Department of Transportation figures that show Americans drove 11 billion fewer miles in March 2008 than March 2007. 11 Billion. With a B. I checked online and it's only 746 million miles to Saturn. So Americans drove less than more than the distance to Saturn in one month. (Sorry, it's getting late.) That seems pretty amazing.
I suspect four-day work weeks, telecommuting and video conferencing are all going to be looked at as possible solutions to mitigate the cost of gasoline, which is soon going to be somewhere between $4 and $18 a gallon, depending on the news story you're reading.
What do you think? Would you jump at a four-day work week? Or telecommute one day a week?
I bookmarked this article a while ago hoping to get back to it in a more timely fashion, but I was jumped by a ruthless gang of rodeo clowns and have spent the last few weeks driving a small rainbow-colored rodeo clown car while rodeo clowns jump in and out, spraying seltzer and pelting me with pies. Where was I? Oh, the aliens.
'Aliens Are My Brother' is the name of an article in the Vatican newspaper by the Pope's chief astronomer wherein he says intelligent beings created by God may exist elsewhere. I'm not sure what's more unbelievable here: that the Pope has a chief astronomer, or that the Vatican has a newspaper.
If you think about this for a few minutes, you'll probably ask yourself some of the questions that I'm asking myself: Does the Vatican paper have an online edition? Is there a comics section? If so, does it reprint Marmaduke? And how likely is it that there are really aliens working on the Vatican newspaper (maybe at the sports desk?)
Normally I don't wade into this sort of thing, because being all sardonic about anything even remotely political is annoying. Well, annoying to people who are reading it. But I thought this was worth a quick post.
As you've no doubt heard already, particularly if you home school, or live in the Untied States, Subway is holding a story writing contest. You can find the contest here. The contest, "Every Sandwich Tells a Story, Except Those Eaten by Home Schoolers," is a contest open to "only to legal US residents, over the age of 18 with children in either elementary, private or parochial schools that serve grades PreK-6. No home schools will be accepted." (Emphasis mine.)
The idea is for your non-home schooled child to write a story that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The story should include "Random Acts of Fitness" so it's fortunate that home schoolers can't apply given they are sitting on the couch watching TV, unlike those athletic public school types who are busy wrestling alligators and participating in their local Ironman Triathlon*.
If you scroll down the page to the bottom, you'll also see this part: "Contest is open only to legal residents of the Untied (sic) States who are currently over the age of 18 and have children who attend elementary, private or parochial schools that serve grades PreK-6. No home schools will be accepted." That's an unfortunate typo, I suppose - we live in the United States, not the Untied States, but anytime you decide to exclude home schoolers from a contest it's wise to make sure everything is spelled correctly, particularly the name of your own country as home schoolers are fairly competent spellers (if not sardonic.)
So we know the beginning and middle of this story, but what will the end look like? If you are a preschool student of the public school system you could no doubt write the end, since that's what the contest requires of the three-year-olds who enter. My guess is that Subway will face a very vocal backlash from those who home school, and those who support home schooling, and those who live in the Untied States (incidentally that's in the Caribbean somewhere, I think) and they'll have to rework the contest. I for one will be boycotting Subway until they correct this issue because Alert Home Schooler Tammy will pound me into jelly otherwise, and because there are plenty of places to get a sandwich that don't "discriminate" against my children. Tuna is tuna, after all. (Except for that brand of tuna that's actually chicken from the sea, but that's another post.)
What do you think? Leave a comment either way, I would love to hear more about this, even if you do hail from states that are untied.
*This is one of those sardonic parts. Sorry about that.
Obligatory screen captures in the event something is changed and I look like a total idiot for saying one thing and pointing people to another:
National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day Follow-Up
May 20, 2008
I wanted to lead by example and let everyone know that I made my online purchase for someone else just now. I sent a Ghirardelli chocolate gift basket, quite possibly the best chocolate in the world - a chocolate so good it was probably given to us by Aliens millennia ago. The person(s) I sent it to I have never met, but we've chatted via email over common web design interests. I'll let you know what, if any, reaction I get.
So, there you go. It's pretty easy,,,and I feel really good about it. I've seen Cassie cheer up maybe hundreds of Disney Cast Members merely by engaging them, asking for their autograph and giving them a few miinutes, at least, to feel like a star. It's a great thing to watch. And while I am unlikely to ask the local townsfolk for their autographs, I don't think I'm ready to give up that feeling of seeing someone hit with "Disney Magic" and so I'm going to explore similar options. A gift-giving-just-because holiday seems like a good start.
Any other suggestions would be warmly welcome! Maybe it would make a good book.
I'm starting a new national holiday which I'm (cleverly) naming National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day. If you're one step ahead of me you know that the acronym for that is NOSFSED which is absolutely horrible so the holiday will likely never be known by that.
I was going to pick out a day to observe NOSFSED National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day but then I realized that an online shopping day should be on a day (night) when not much else is going on. So I decided to pick the third Wednesday in May.
The basic idea of National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day is to do something totally random and unexpected and cool for someone else. This could be for someone you know well, like a parent or sibling or co-worker, or it could be for someone you don't know as well, like your boss or local convenience store clerk or cheese merchant, or it could be for someone you don't know at all such as, well, I can't say because it would be someone you don't know at all.
That's basically it. Some of you will want even more details, so I've put together a small FAQ below:
1. Do I HAVE to shop online?
Well, no, I suppose not I won't be checking or anything. But you should shop online for a few years at least to help out the cause. We're just getting started here.
2. Okay, well who do you suggest I send something to?
That's a great question even if it ended in a preposition. I think you already know the answer. In fact, I bet as soon as you read the first few sentences here someone's name popped into your head.
3. No, really, no one popped in there.
That's not actually a question, but if you're still looking for ideas think of someone who might need a pick-me-up. You can even do this anonymously if you'd like, although since it's online shopping you would probably have to send the gift to yourself and then give it to the person in a secret, anonymous, ninja-like way.
4. How much do I have to spend?
I wasn't even going to address this until you brought it up. The point here is to spread a little unexpected joy. It's entirely up to you to decide how much you want to spend. You don't have to send something large to someone to brighten their day and make them feel special.
5. Okay, I think I know someone who I'd like to get something for. Where should I shop?
Where you choose to shop is entirely your choice. I personally love Amazon, iTunes, 1-800-Flowers, and Harry & David. Oh, and of course Disney and Ghirardelli.
I think that about wraps it up. If you have any other questions email me at nosfsed@carlschaad.com. Media inquiries can be made at mediainquiries@carlschaad.com. If you participate let me know how it goes. And have fun out there!
Note: Blog Hero, Blog Hero Enterprises, Blog Hero LLC, Inc., and Blog Hero's legal team (Sven) receive no kickbacks from Amazon, iTunes or any of the other merchants mentioned in today's post. But if they would like to send kickbacks that would be more than acceptable. Also note that while participating in the National Online Shopping For Someone Else Day is encouraged, the Blog Hero respectively requests that you not purchase gifts for the Blog Hero, or Sven, or anyone on the enormous Blog Hero staff. Sven says he has enough chocolate to last at least until Thanksgiving and he just got back from Disney.
That's a line from a Monty Python movie, of course. I mean, I'm not saying that cheese makers are NOT blessed; I'm sure some of them are very nice people and devout and deserving of a good blessing.
I thought of that line when I read this article which I'm terribly disappointed that no one sent me before I saw it. "Snack or holy symbol?" Well I guess it's only been online for an hour, but I know there are a few Alert Readers in Houston that may have heard about this before it broke on the web.
Basically, if you want the short version instead of reading the article, youth paster Steve Cragg of Memorial Drive United Methodist found a Cheeto that looks like Jesus praying. Well he says that. I'm not convinced it looks like that. You can watch the video here.
That's it. I mean, that's the short version. I could go on to explain that they are calling the Cheeto Jesus "Cheesus," which is humorous but hopefully not sacrilegious. The youth paster is quoted as saying that God doesn't make Cheetos in the shape of Jesus - but I'm not so sure. I'd like to think that somehow - for whatever miraculous reason - God is messing around with our packaged snack food. But who can say?
This is the conclusion of the story of my greatest Christmas present ever, which should be depicted at right if my finely-honed HTML skills haven't failed me. Much to my surprise, Christmas morning I received a very cool print-out of what my Christmas present would look like - a personalized license plate - as the plate was on order and we weren't sure if the department of motor and super-hero vehicles would be able to deliver. They came through just recently, and I think it's fantastic. I've never had a personalized plate before, although I always read with envy things like "BOVINE2" and "IMAGDMN", whatever those mean.
Now, I know there's a vowel missing in the plate above. This is because Pennsylvania only allows 7 characters. This doesn't bother me much, as it actually makes people think a little bit, and Jesse has cleverly suggested I get a custom license plate frame made from Cafe Press. I think I'll do that. Then, no doubt, everyone in town will be coming to the website. (Pause for laughter.)
If you wanted to weigh in on your favorite gifts over the years, be they Christmas or some other event, visit here.
Things I Learned From The State of the Union Address
January 28, 2008
Vice President Dick Cheney is alive! (No really - I saw him!)*
*I couldn't resist. I never see, hear or read anything about him, and was shocked to see him sitting behind the President. Oh I know, you're thinking - "That's obviously a Disney Animatronic!" I suppose you could you be right, although if so Disney has that clapping thing down cold.
Caption: A researcher holds a new contact lens with circuits. Credit: University of Washington
A first step towards super vision - and hopefully heat vision - has been created by engineers at the University of Washington. They've taken a flexible, biologically safe contact lens and imprinted electronic circuit and lights on it which when worn could superimpose a digital display over what the wearer would normally see.
The applications of such a device are huge. Finally, human beings would be able to watch Desperate Housewives no matter where they were. Men could see football every waking (eye-opened) moment. It's really Brave New World type stuff. "I'm sorry, what did you say honey? My contacts got stuck on ESPN again..."
Here's a link to a more in-depth announcement via EurekAlert, which talks about how the technology has been tested. (Hint, it hasn't been tested on humans or mice.) If you had to pick one animal to accidentally give heat vision to, which would it be?
That's a quote from this Reuters article that discusses the results of an extensive clown study.
Researchers from the University of Sheffield, who were studying how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards, discovered that all 250 patients (between four and 16) actually said they disliked the use of clowns. The older kids found them scary.
Can this be? Or was the study secretly founded by the Association Against Clowns and Clowning Around? Do YOU like clowns?
(Today's post in no way should be construed as anti-clown, and if you're a clown I'm sure you're very nice and amusing and not the least bit scary.)
It's come to my attention that I may have reported something inaccurately in a previous entry. Being the stalwart bastion* of truth and accurate reporting that I am** I feel compelled to set the record straight.
Previously, I mentioned that Cassie took a blow to the head which disqualified her TKD opponent, netting her the First Place Trophy. This may have given an incomplete view of her bone-crushing, death-dealing TKD powers as it sounds like she walked in off the street, got whacked in the head and won. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. She is, in fact, a human dynamo not unlike a combination of Batman and the Incredible Hulk. Except she isn't green. And, doesn't have a really cool car like the Batmobile.
What actually happened is that Cassie and this Unnamed Boy who we'll call U.B. were locked in a fierce battle, exchanging blows and points as the clock wound down. As the whistle was blown (or maybe it was a gun being fired) the points were tallied and Cassie and U.B. were tied. So there had to be a sudden death match. These things are always called sudden death as it's a Tae Kwan Do rule.
It was during this sudden death match that Cassie cleverly placed her head in harm's way in order to win the match. It was a brave gesture - heads are very valuable and hard to re-grow. U.B., when he realized what he had done, rent his garments and wailed most loudly.
I'm glad that's cleared up.
*Okay, I've always wanted to be a stalwart bastion of something.
Now, I'm going to go a little "outside of the box" here but if George is in need of some cash it would only stand to reason that he find a nice wife and settle down, and collect on his $100,000 wedding gift. While sipping his Nespresso.
Some news sources, maybe even credible ones, are reporting that actor Tom Cruise is spending TEN MILLION DOLLARS on... do you want to guess? What? No, not a home, but that's a good guess. A private island? Nope. AccuWeather? Way off. No, Tom Cruise is reportedly spending TEN MILLION DOLLARS to build a bunker under his home to protect himself and his family from alien invasion.
I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with Tom Cruise's spokesperson, who said "Tom can neither confirm nor deny that the evil alien overlord Xenu is heading to Earth right now and planning to use his above-ground-home-destroying space ray on Colorado." Okay I made that up. Actually he denied the whole thing, all the while glancing furtively at the sky.
Now, I don't know a lot about the evil alien overload Xenu and his plans to destroy all of our houses (built above ground) with an above-ground-home-destroying space ray, but I really have to wonder. If you're coming from space to earth, are you really going to go to Tom Cruise's house? And if you do, are you going to be content with searching around the place, looking in a few closets, and then throwing up your hands. "He's not home!" And then leave and go destroy George Clooney's house?
I'm sure if any bulldozers show up at the Cruise Compound (pictured at right) we'll all know about it. And, if an evil alien ruler shows up and starts destroying houses built above ground with an above-ground-home-destroying space ray, well, Anderson Cooper will no doubt be there.
The AP is reporting that God has apparently responded to the lawsuit filed by State Sen. Ernie Chambers. I had blogged about this here, and you can find the AP article on God's response here, complete with that bizarre AP photo of Sen. Chambers in front of the holy fan.
Two things of note (I mean, BESIDES the fact that God is now personally responding to lawsuits):
1. The AP article now discusses Sen. Chambers faith, that being "a self-proclaimed agnostic." That's interesting, because there's a very significant difference between "agnostic" and "atheist" (or "nontheist").
2. The person who discovered God's response is named "John Friend." I mean, really. John Friend.
I heard this on the radio while (ironically) driving home and my first thought was, "Only 72 hours?" That seems odd. If you divide 72 hours by 365 days you get something like .2 hours a day, which is 12 minutes. Assuming you're driving to and from some place, that's an average of an extra 6 minutes a trip. That doesn't seem like much.
Apparently a meteorite crashed in all its fiery glory in souther Peru, and then villagers developed a mysterious illness. Residents have complained of headaches and vomiting brought on by a "strange odor." Of course, a synonym for strange is "alien," so what we have here is an illness caused by an "alien odor." Seven policemen were among those who were sickened.
No word on what was found in the meteorite crater, although "boiling water started coming out of the crater and particles of rock and cinders were found nearby." No word of an alien space ship or little smelly aliens or anything like that.
Amateur astronomers are pretty sure the meteorite came from the constellation Big Boötes, which as we all know is the site of the alien UFO Universe Freeway Entrance.
An Australian couple is suing their doctor for $400,000 because their IVF procedure produced twins instead of one child. $400,000 is the approximate cost of raising the bonus unwanted child, including the cost of private school. Of course, stopping at just private school is ridiculous. I hope college tuition and some job training is thrown in there as well, and maybe some sort of internship to Disney World.
Lest you think this completely insane, and haven't yet read the article, keep in mind that the pregnant woman "suffered nausea during her pregnancy." So, there you go.
I should also point out that this is a lesbian couple, although I'm sure that has nothing to do with anything. (For those of you who don't end up reading the article but are going to share the news at the dinner table tonight.)
Break into small groups and discuss: Can an atheist sue God? Does that make much sense?
UPDATE: What is with this AP Photo? Is that a fan behind him? It's obviously supposed to look like a halo or something. Is this the AP being clever, or just annoying?
In an amazing show of forgiveness and compassion, the Amish community that lost five girls last year in a shooting has donated an unspecified amount to the widow of the killer.
Milk truck driver Charles Carl Roberts seized an Amish school building in Lancaster county, Pennsylvania, tied up the children and started shooting. He killed five children and wounded five before turning the gun on himself.
The Nickel Mines Accountability Committee (set up to handle the more than $4 million dollars of donations that have poured in from around the world) issued a statement on behalf of the community, which read in part:
"Many from Nickel Mines have pointed out that forgiveness is a journey, that you need help from your community of faith and from God ... to make and hold on to a decision not to become a hostage to hostility.
Forgiveness of this magnitude is difficult to imagine. We live in a world which is very much me-centered, where the slightest affront, delay, botched fast food order, is nurtured until it blossoms into hate or anger. If this community can not only forgive but reach out in love after what they've been through then it gives me hope that I practice a little more grace in my day-to-day life.
This AFP article via Google reports that the European Conference on Severe Storms has introduced findings that spraying microscopic (i.e very small) dust into hurricanes could reduce their impact. In fact, the study looked specifically at Katrina and concluded that this method could have spared New Orleans "from the devastating power" of Katrina, had it been used.
The AFP article discusses the science behind the method. It's very technical, and in case that sort of thing bores you here's a quick paraphrase: The extremely tiny dust particles (ETDP) are dropped into the storm where they seek out water droplets (WD). Once they've found these water droplets, they eat them, in a process known as Dusteatstwaterdroplettism. It's a very new science - you can't even find anything on Wikipedia about that yet. Once the dust eats the water it gets fat and heavy and falls to the bottom of the ocean.
My questions is - now that we know how to stop hurricanes, how long after the next storm hits before the lawsuits start to fly? And really, how long has the government known about this and tried to keep it quiet? Let's say a category 5 storm hits Miami (sorry Miami, nothing personal) and all sorts of Hardee's and Taco Bells and Burger Kings are flattened. Do they have a legal case? Break into small groups and discuss. Bonus question: Who will be the first to file a suit?
Today's the sixth anniversary, of course, and even after six years I still get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. I have images of the second tower hit, the fires, the buildings falling, people jumping out - all indelibly etched in my mind. I generally have a poor memory for those sorts of things but that day was just unbelievable.
The one thing that time has done is to make the event more distant. I think of it less often, in general - only when there's something in the news or it's brought up in conversation of there's an anniversary like today. The memories don't feel less powerful; I just visit them less often.
Which is why I'm grateful for anniversaries. They give you occasion to remember and reflect, things you would otherwise not do because of the tyranny of the urgent, and the passage of time. I'm also grateful for posts like this one from Jim Hill: What was it like to be at Disneyland and/or Walt Disney World six years ago today?. Hill has a number of first-hand accounts of how the park dealt with the attack and what people experienced that day. It's really fascinating to me, as a Disney fan but also as American who collectively experienced the events 9/11. Disney thought that they might be hit next, and so getting everyone out of the parks without causing a panic was critical. It sounds like they did an amazing job.
Did you know NOAA had a Corps Song? I bet you didn't know that. But, now that you DO know that, you're just itching to sing it, share it, and download it to put in all of your video mashups.
"We survey the oceans
And we track storms in the air"
Read (and memorize!) the lyrics here, and download the mp3 files. There's an instrumental version for all of your karaoke monsters out there (oh, you know who you are...)
Filed under: NOAA has a theme song? No, really?
Update: They have a flag too! How cool is that?
I wonder if they have any t-shirts, or maybe an official bird. You can purchase a flag if you really want one, although they don't say how much they are. If you actually call the number let me know how much they are, and ask if they have t-shirts too.
If a school bus is stolen it's not really news...but when 17 are stolen? That sounds like news to me. I'm curious if you've already heard about this story - feel free to leave a comment either way, and if you do add whether you live near Houston or not.
There are blogs out there talking about school buses, homeland security and 9/11, and you hate to see those sorts of things talked about in the same post. But there doesn't seem to be much mainstream coverage of this. The above article suggests that the buses have been driven to Mexico and that's that. Hopefully, that's all there is to it.
In the history of the universe there at least one thing that could truly be said to be unexpected. That would (of course) be the Spanish Inquisition:
(Insert diabolical laughter here.)
However, it turns out there is another thing, besides the Spanish Inquisition, that has been largely unexpected. That is (as you've probably already guessed by scanning the page:)
(Cue burst of dramatic music.)
Yes, the Twinkies Cookbook: An inventive and unexpected recipe collection. Its chief weapon is golden sponge cake; golden sponge cake and a creamy filling. Its two weapons are golden sponge cake and creamy filling. And ruthless efficiency. Its three weapons are...
I have no idea how you cook a Twinkie, or what you cook Twinkies in, but in all fairness I wasn't expecting this. Get your copy at Amazon.com today so that you'll know what to do with all of those extra Twinkies should Gabrielle fail to materialize.
There's a number of interesting stories today relating to hurricanes and tropical weather. Not the least of which is Felix, which slammed into Nicaragua's coast as a category 5 storm. (This would be the first year two category five storms made landfall, I believe.) In addition to that record, Felix made landfall the same time as hurricane Henriette in the east Pacific (landing on the Cabos resorts of Baja California.) This is believed to be the first time that an Atlantic and East Pacific storm have made landfall on the same day. (Although Andrew and Lester hit within several hours of each other. Jesse will probably have more on this.)
Felix weakened quickly after hitting land, but the there's still a rainfall threat particularly over the mountainous terrain of Central America. The area hit by Felix is relatively remote, and it may be a while before we have a clear picture of what has happened. Nicaragua moved 12,000 people before the storm, and Honduras evacuated 5,000 residents and 3,000 tourists.
The hurricane forecasting team of William Gray and Phil Klotzbach are still calling for more storms. They've downgraded their total by one, predicting six more storms which would be an above-average season. Of course, we're only on "F" and have set a few records.
And Canada of all places is being warned to be ready for a stormy autumn. Of course that's eastern Canada. The Canadian Hurricane Centre says that conditions are right for a busy end to the season for that country. They may be looking at the models calling for a storm to form off the east coast of the U.S. and (some models say) move north.
It's rare in life to encounter poetic justice. An example of what I mean would be driving along at the speed limit, and then getting passed by some obnoxious law breaker at warp eight, only to eventually find him pulled over by a police officer.
A similar moment has befallen the Daily Mirror's ex-newspaper editor Piers Morgan. Morgan, now a columnist for the Mail, apparently took great delight in ridiculing President Bush when Bush fell off of a Segway back in 2003. The Daily Mirror ran the headline:
You'd have to be an idiot to fall off, wouldn't you Mr President.
The paper went on to add, "If anyone can make a pig's ear of riding a sophisticated, self-balancing machine like this, Dubya can." (Not being British I have no idea what the ear of a pig has to do with any of this, but I'm willing to roll with it.)
Fair enough; the paper is free to print the news they feel is important. But the long arm of irony reached out and slapped Mr. Morgan silly recently at a Santa Monica beach. Morgan himself tried out a Segway, only to have it swerve and jump a curb. Morgan fell off and reportedly broke three ribs.
Morgan has since been patched up and wrote this past week about his experience:
Since only he and I appear to have ever fallen off one, I think the makers of the Segway can probably still justifiably claim the machines are "idiot-proof.
Actor George Clooney, who appears in a number of ads for Nespresso (a division of Nestlé) was asked about the spots in the context of his past remarks criticizing multinational corporations. So, to review: George says bad things about multinational corporations, George then appears in ads for Nespresso, a division of multinational corporation Nestlé, and then George gets asked about that.
His reply?
"I'm not going to apologize to you for trying to make a living every once in a while. I find that an irritating question."
Now, the Blog Hero's legal team (Sven) would like it to be known that Blog Hero, Blog Hero, Inc., Blog Hero's administrative staff ("Carl") and Blog Hero's legal team (Sven, see above) have no real strong opinion about George Clooney, Nespresso or Nestlé, although most of them enjoy a good bit of Nestlé chocolate now and then.
The challenge with George's remarks is that some may think they smack of hypocrisy - and the last thing you want to smack is an hypocrisy. A quick web search revealed some of George's past salaries for various movie roles:
George's salary for past movie roles include:
Intolerable Cruelty: $15,000,000
Ocean's Eleven: $20,000,000
The Perfect Storm: $8,000,000
O Brother, Where Art Thou?: $1,000,000
Three Kings: $5,000,000
Out of Sight: $10,000,000
The Peacemaker: $3,000,000
Batman & Robin: $10,000,000
One Fine Day: $3,000,000
From Dusk Till Dawn: $250,000 Source: TV.com
At this point, do you really need to do a Nespresso commercial to make a living in light of your distaste of multinational corporations? Break into small groups and discuss. (Bonus question: Was Batman & Robin worth $10 million dollars?)
Yesterday I posted about McDonald's murder attempt on a poor shmoe who ordered a burger without cheese and yet, mysteriously, ended up with cheese on his burger. You might think that someone who is deathly allergic to cheese would simply avoid McDonald's - but you would be wrong. So, given that you're deathly allergic to cheese but decide to go to McDonald's ANYWAY, you would think you would order food that normally does not come with cheese. Like, Chicken McNuggets, or something. Well, you would be wrong again.
So, given that you are deathly allergic to cheese, and you just have to eat some sort of McDonald's food that normally comes with cheese, you would think you would go into the store to make sure the order is right. Wrong again! Poor Jeremy, in what can only be described as all of the stars aligning against him, went through the drive thru.
To recap: You're deathly allergic to cheese, so you go to McDonald's of all places, and order a menu item that normally comes with cheese, while going through the drive through. SURELY you open the package and peak under the bun to see what's there, right? NOOO! Instead, you take the food home and (allegedly) sit in a dark room and just gobble it down with total faith that you won't die.
But there's one more twist in the story. You know you've just eaten cheese (which, incidentally, you are deathly allergic to) - what now? Rush to the hospital? Call 911? Get out your anti-cheese kit? Nope. YOU CALL MCDONALD'S TO TELL THEM THEY MESSED UP THE ORDER.
I'm reviewing all of this for the poor guy who left a blog comment that was so anger- and profanity-laced that I can't post it, but which probably summed up how 90% of us feel about the whole incident.
Best wishes to Jeromy Jackson, by the way, who is reportedly trying to order a deep dish at Pizza Hut with pepperoni and mushrooms. No cheese.
Of course, I've been warning everyone about the dangers of going to restaurants and ordering food without cheese. It just doesn't work. I never knew they were trying to kill us though. One can only hope that the almost dearly departed Jeromy Jackson can finally stick it to The Man and make an example of McDonalds. I'd like to think that the restaurant industry would police itself, but legislation might be required. Maybe some sort of cheese form could be mandatory for all restaurants.
Sometimes though we never know what the whole story is just by reading these articles. Do we really believe that someone who is deathly allergic to cheese would go to McDonalds and try to order food without cheese? Would YOU go to a store that routinely served arsenic in it's food and order a hamburger without arsenic? How confident would you be?
Well, I have to say that the hurricane season so far has surprised me. I think I predicted something like three hundred hurricanes, so unless we get busy here soon I'm probably (probably) going to fall short.
I did a model sweep and didn't see anything too interesting. The Canadian model does have a pretty nice storm crashing into Cape Cod:
Pretty Nice Storm Crashing into Cape Cod
But you'll note that's on day 5, which is an eternity away for a computer model. In any event, that would be Monday, so if you're in Cape Cod you've got that long to panic, run to Lowe's, buy wood, nail it to your house, panic, and then go down to the beach and greet Anderson Cooper. Or, you could stay tuned to Jesse's blog, where he'll no doubt post the latest and greatest.
UPDATE: Here's JB's thoughts on the Canadian Model: "The Canadian is not the dangerous racer on the track with its crazy tropical solutions. For the 5th run in a row, it entrains the tropical energy and drives what looks to be a hurricane into New England. For kicks and giggles, it will be on the big dog this morning, but it is certainly not the model du jour when it comes to this and is rapidly becoming the old GFS hurricane somewhere on every run model, something that will kill its longer term operational runs. Speed kills, but so does heat, when it comes to models if its not handled right"
The stories from Disney World have been pretty weird lately. For example: Victoria Walker, a 52-year-old Alabama native was arrested for having "beat and choked" a woman who was allowed ahead of her for the Mad Tea Party ride at Disney World.
Initially Walker was questioned and released following the incident, which occured back in May. However, a judge saw the severity of the victim's injuries and signed an arrest warrant. The victim, Aimee Krause, was apparently hit in the head a few times before the fracas was interrupted. She has complained of seizures, memory loss and blurred vision since the May attack. (She's not been able to drink any tea, either.)
After the arrest warrant was signed it took deputies almost two months to find Walker. She was picked up in Alabama and taken back to Orange County, where she bonded out of jail Tuesday.
A few days ago we received a phone call that we didn't answer. That in and of itself is not terribly remarkable; we get phone calls all of the time that we don't answer. Usually they're from Verizon. I maintain that the phones in my house are for our convenience, not the convenience of everyone else trying to get ahold of me. (More and more, though, it appears that the phones in my house are actually there for the convenience of my daughter, but I suppose that's a blog post for another day.)
The call that we didn't answer (this time) came across the caller id as COGOS. Initially I was excited, for about half a second, because I thought it said LEGOS and maybe I won a contest or something. The really weird part was that the number that was calling us was identical to our number except for the area code. So, if we say that my number is 888-555-1212 then this number would have been 777-555-1212*. So apparently someone in area code "777"* was calling their exact number but in a different area code ("888"*). The first time they called they did not leave a message. Obviously, they listened carefully to our message, discovered their error and called the person they really wanted to call.**
A few days later we received another call that we didn't answer. This, too, was from COGOS. But this time, the little "You have a message waiting" light started blinking after the call. Ooo! A message! Perhaps we won a COGOS contest. (For the uninitiated, COGOS appears to be a Pennsylvania convenience store chain.) I checked the message. It sounded like a young woman. In a hushed voice, she said:
"My receipt printer is out of paper...help!"
And that was it. Although we ended up ignoring the message, I still days later feel guilty. Somewhere in a COGOS there's a poor young lady staring at a paperless receipt printer, unable to check out some guy who just wants his chewing tobacco and beef jerky.
Maybe if they call back a third time we'll get involved. Does anyone need any jerky?
*Actual numbers changed to protect the innocent workers at COGOS.
Not to be outdone by Enid, Oklahoma - Orange Beach, Alabama sees their ten- and twelve-year old kidnappers and raises an eleven-year-old drunk driver. Police have not released the identity of the driver because she was only going 100 mph and did, in fact, eventually stop for police. Of course, that was only because she side-swiped another car and then flipped over, but technically it counts as a stop.
It's also possible that she had a learner's permit to drive which can be obtained in certain parts of Alabama by kids as young as five (if they're, you know, tall and lanky and can reach the pedals.)
I know this story may stun some of you but then ask yourselves this question: If you were hammered, how far would you be able to drive at 100 mph with the police chasing you? I'm pretty sure this girl got farther that I would have. Now that's moxie for you.
Video capture of the Young Entrepreneurs from KARE
And from the "What In The World Are They Teaching Kids These Days" category comes this gem: police in Enid, Oklahoma have arrested a twelve-year-old girl and her ten-year-old sister and charged them with kidnapping their one-year-old neighbor and asking for a ransom.
Police are withholding the identities of the alleged kidnappers because police don't want to cause them any undue stress for who knows what reason.
The mother of the kidnapped child, Sheila Wells, wasn't surprised at the kidnapping, as the two girls had been accused of stealing a purse and had been "banned" from that house. "I'm kind of wondering if maybe if it had something to do with maybe revenge," Wells said.
You can read how the girls initially reacted to the accusation of kidnapping, and how much they wanted for the young lad they kidnapped, here.
Did you know that you're hogging up all of the plants? A new "study" has concluded that mankind - human beings - people, no less - represent just one of the millions of species on Earth, yet mankind - people, even - use up 24% of the energy captured by plants. This would be energy from the sun, I suppose. An agriculture professor at the University of Melbourne, Snow Barlow, was quoted as saying:
"Here we are, just one species on the earth, and we're grabbing a quarter of the renewable resources … we're probably being a bit greedy."
Normally my acerbic wit wouldn't fail me in this sort of a situation, but I am honestly speechless. You can read the article here. The entire study should be published sometime today. Curious about Snow Barlow? You can read all about him here, or drop him an email.
A "device similar to a pipe bomb," or a "pipe bomb-like" device, or a "low-level crude device," but a device that definitely was not a pipe bomb, exploded and killed a trash can at Disney World's Downtown Disney. The trash can has not been identified yet pending notification of next-of-kin.
Authorities do not yet know why anyone wanted to blow up this particular trash can. The incident occurred at 12:30 a.m., which is when the Orange County Sheriff's Department responded to a call placed by an Alert Disney Security Person. Federal authorities have been involved but have not taken charge of the investigation.
So far the investigation has revealed that the device, which was pipe bomb-like, had "end caps" which is one of the things that made it pipe bomb-like (in addition to the exploding part).
The trash can in question was behind the Cirque du Soleil theater. There is no confirmation that the trash can itself was French. French authorities had no comment when asked about the trash can.
"We have no comment" French authorities said.
More on this breaking story as it becomes available.
Search Engine firm plans reduction in solar output, saves planet from Global Warming
Google Chairman and Chief Executive Eric Schmidt today announced that the company has reached an agreement to purchase of the sun. The sun, bought for a stock swap valued at fourteen quintrillion dollars, had no comment at press time but directed people to its new website: sun.google.com.
"Google has been mapping the sun for the last three years," Schmidt said, "and this acquisition just made sense." No immediate plans for the sun have been decided, Schmidt added, although Global Warming is the first issue the search giant plans to tackle.
"Global Warming threatens the entire earth. But not only is the entire earth threatened by Global Warming, so is Google's livelihood. We estimate it will cost at least fifteen quintrillion dollars to redraw all of our maps once the ice caps have melted and flooded the planet. In that light, purchasing the sun is a natural step for us which will result in long-term efficiencies."
Schmidt was vague when asked about specific plans to tackle Global Warming.
"Our engineers are only in the initial stages of examining the sun problem." Schmidt admitted. "We may just install a dimmer switch and turn the sun down a little bit, but it's really too early to say."
Google declined to address persistent Internet rumors that they will be charging everyone on earth a "sun tax" to keep the sun on.
The Vatican Tuesday issued a set of "Ten Commandments" for motorists to observe, citing the huge role driving now plays in our contemporary lives. And so, without further ado: The Ten Commandments of Driving:
1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.
Unfortunately, page two of the Vatican memo to the press was eaten by the fax machine and, as a result, we were not told about these additional commandments:
11. Thou shalt use thy turn signal, when thou dost turnest, but well before thy turn.
12. Thou shalt lookest behind thyself, and to thy right, and to thy left, and then again to thy right and backside, when driving thy car in reverse.
13. Whilst driving thou shalt not pick up thy cellphone, and spake unto it, communicating with thine spouse, or accountant, or secretary, or pets, or other persons thereof, unless thou wishes much calamity to befall thee and thine insurance policy.
14. Always giveth great berth to thy friends, the bicycle driving brothers and sisters, lo even unto granting them the entire road, for yea verily they dost intrude on thy lane, and signal not with their arms, and weave back and forth in a most distracting manner, inviting all sorts of disaster upon themselves.
Well there's been a definite dearth of blog posts lately, which gives me a great opportunity to use the word "dearth" in a blog post. Yes, yes, I'll wait while you fetch the dictionary. (Or just go to M-W.com) One of the reasons for this dearth is because we've been eagerly anticipating the arrival of today, June 14. For, you see, today Alert Birthday Girl Tammy has turned
That's forty, as in ten plus ten plus ten plus five plus a few more. Forty is significant for a number of reasons:
1. It's the first number in Roman Numerals to use the mysterious "L". Oh, sure, some Romans just kept using Xs as in "XXXX" but those people were widely derided as yahoos.
2. Forty is the first number after the 30s, as in "Well the 30s are all gone now. We're all out of 30s. Yup, no more 30s."
3. Forty is a great biblical number, being the number of years the Israelites wandered in the desert, the number of days Christ fasted, the number of plagues in Egypt*, and the number of cats on the ark**.
4. It's the age at which you start appearing on various mailing lists, such as AARP.
For those of you just joining the program, I was explaining how Alert Birthday Girl Tammy, who may or may not be my wife, just turned
You're probably asking how we celebrated this cataclysmic event of biblical proportions. Go on, you can ask. I'll wait. How did we celebrate this cataclysmic event of biblical proportion? In a very subdued manner. For the Alert Birthday Girl specifically requested a low-key day. The kids presented their birthday tributes, and we had a cake from Cold Stone Creamery that cost somewhere north of Five Thousand Dollars (and was worth every penny), and I gave her a top secret present that I can't reveal here until some time has passed. But I had specific instructions not to tell anyone that it was Alert Birthday Girl Tammy's birthday or that she was going to be
So I'm keeping that, you know, under wraps.
*One day I'll go into more detail about the 30 other, lesser-known plagues, such as the plague of clover mites, and the plague of gingivitis, and the plague of that green stuff that forms on top of the sour cream after several weeks, but that's all fodder for another post.
**Moses*** originally tried to explain to the cats that only two were allowed, but the cats just gave Moses that look, you know, that look of total disdain that only cats can do, and then walked past him and found a comfy corner on deck 3.
***Not THAT Moses, but Moses, the third cousin of Noah who was, ah, out looking for some sour cream when the rain hit.
There's two words you probably didn't think you'd see together today. A tropical cyclone (a.k.a. Hurricane) named Gonu is heading for Oman, and then on to Iran. Not only is that fairly unusual, but the cyclone has reached the equivalent strength of a category 5 storm, although it's let off a bit of steam since doing so and is currently category 4. (Still the strongest in that area of the world in modern history.)
Sorry, I just have to ask. First 20 voters get a, um, get an "attaboy!" (Or, should you prefer, an "attagirl!")*
Her fans think she should be freed. (Has anyone see the Free Paris t-shirts? Surely someone is all over that.) Said one fan: "She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives." I can't even comment on this as I'm in the midst of an aneurysm now.
*Attaboys and Attagirls non-refundable, non-transferable and have a cash value of approximately $0.00.
How does someone get elected President in France who not only didn't say Americans are "empty headed animal food trough wipers" but actually said something nice about the country? I'm baffled.
The Waycross Fire is about 70% contained now, but the weather (see right) won't be helping the battle at all, at least not for the next few days. The fire has burned 82,000 acres, making it the largest in Georgia history. You can read more details here and see a few photos. The smoke from the fire has drifted east and south, and parts of Florida have had to deal with it (such as Brevard county and even Orlando.)
You can see the Red Flag Warnings via the severe map at AccuWeather.com. (A risqué Victoria's Secret Ad watch is also in effect.)
I received at least one comment about my grub situation. An email came in from Alert English Reading Teacher Beth about the grubs, and that I really don't want grubs, and never, ever, EVER, have sympathy for a grub because as soon as you turn your back the grub will start telling all of your friends about that time you had too much of the spiked punch and started doing Barry Manilow karaoke much to the dismay of yourself and everyone within earshot. So that's apparently a grub for you; it would just as soon poke you in the eye with a sharp stick as look at you.
So, to allay everyone's fears, I should explain that the grub alert was just part of a radio commercial and not an actual diagnosis of lawn grubs. Although, if I had to choose between having my lawn cursed by an old gypsy woman or having lawn grubs, I would probably...sing karaoke with Barry Manilow.
Okay, so I took Alert Salad Consumer Tammy out to dinner last night where she had a, well, salad. I had the hot turkey sandwich - you know, some hot turkey, stuffing, bread, mashed potatoes - which was quite tasty but about three-quarters through the meal I realized that I hadn't portioned each side dish properly and I was going to end the meal with left over stuffing! Ahhh! Then I realized that it was probably strange that I had to take bites of each of the different sides at a time. THEN I realized that I did this with most of my meals. Which made me wonder, is this okay or some sort of warning sign?
So here's my vital research: leave a comment and let me know, do you:
A. Mix your food,
B. Eat it separately,
C. Just eat so you can get finished before Wheel of Fortune comes on?
Whew! Thanks in advance. Those of you who are mixers can feel free to share tips on how to maintain that delicate balance until the end of the meal.
NOTE: This post has gone well beyond any reasonable length. Since it seems to be linked to from somewhere I'm going to maintain it for as long as possible, or until I get tired and sleepy because then I get cranky, and well no one wants to see that. I'm sorting the updates in reverse chronological order, so to read the whole thread you may want to go to the bottom and work up. If you're new to the blog say hello, I love meeting new people (as long as they're not tired and cranky of course.)
(Updates within updates now in Orange.)
Apparently that's what Virginia Tech killer Cho Seung-Hui had written on one of his arms in red ink, according to this story. There's no mention in the article of what this might mean.
The NY Post has some thoughts on "Ismail" here. In the Islamic account of Abraham Ismail (Hebrew: Ishmael) is the son of Abraham and the ancestor of the Arab people.
I wonder if we'll know what the phrase was intended to mean, and why he painted his arm with it?
*As an aside: How long before those words become some sort of bizarre cultural icon, with t-shirts, websites** and more? Ugh.
**Too late! ismailax.com was actually registered by someone on 17-Apr-07. C'mon, people. Maybe someone out there with more nerve than I can ask Mr. Patterson what in the world he was thinking. (If he's trying to prevent someone from using it, I think I can understand that. In that case make the registration info anonymous.)
And here's another forward-thinking individual: ChoSeung-Hui.com. Sigh.
UPDATE ELEVENTEEN: There's some info out about the electronic files that Cho sent NBC. As I mentioned below, you can glean some interesting information from computer files. The article can be found here.
• The pdf file was titled "axishmiel". This would represent the fifth reported spelling of this word: Ismail, Ismale, Ismael, Ishmael and Ishmiel.
• The pdf was last modified at 7:24am. Assuming a properly set computer, that would be minutes after killing his first two victims. If his computer has an earlier version of this pdf it may be telling to discover what was changed at that time.
• One word file was last modified April 13 at 3:45pm. An avi file was last modified April 10 at 9:40am. This would have been six days before the shooting, clearing establishing some sort of premeditation.
• The names of the video clips are particularly strange, including one that is apparently called "am al qaeda".
Finally, I've seen a number of the photos of Cho and haven't seen any visible writing or tattoos. This isn't conclusive (a tattoo could be under a sleeve, for example) but supports a scenario where he wrote something on his arm near the end of his rampage.
UPDATE ELEVENTY-TWO: There's a lot of analysis of the package Cho sent NBC between his killings; here's an article from thisislondon.co.uk that says Cho had a tattoo: "The package sent to NBC by Cho. The name on the package reads 'Ishmael', similar to a tattoo Cho had." WARNING: This article contains some of Cho's photos which may be considered disturbing by some.
We don't have the entire record of what Cho sent; there have been allusions to President Bush, the Columbine killers, Jesus and other things that don't make much sense (and maybe never will.) I'm not sure it's useful to speculate what this all may mean without seeing the entire body of work. Even little details like the modification/creation times and dates on the files Cho sent may shed light on the chronology of events. (For that matter, his computer should be a wealth of information: sites visited, files created but not used, writing, IMs, etc.)
But really - at this point all I'd like to know: is it writing or a tattoo? Is it on the arm or the hand? Is it on the left or the right? These seem like pretty basic details to report (and report accurately.)
UPDATE SOMEWHERE IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS: NBC received a package today from Cho, mailed between killings (how horrible is that?). Here's an image of the package via MSNBC's site, and I've enlarged the signature twice. Can you make out how he signed it? It looks like "A. Ishmael" to me.
UPDATE LOSING COUNT: An interesting typographic issue came up today; many articles are referring to the writing on Cho as saying "Ismale Ax." I have no idea why there would be a serious discrepancy like this, or why no one would notice it. A search of Google News for both terms showed zero results, which I take to mean that no one has written about the discrepancy.
There is also some question as to whether this was written or tattoed. This Miami Herald article says "adding that he had the cryptic words, ''Ismale Ax,'' tattooed on one arm." A minor point, perhaps, but a tattoo would have been done by a Tattoo-er (I can't believe I just wrote that) who might know more about the whole issue. Tattooing (I'm talking about Body Art now, not the Fantasy Island fellow) also would require more thought and planning than just writing it on the day of the shootings.
NBC's Richard Engel actually notes the tattoo/writing discrepancy without delving into it any further: "On the package sent to NBC, Cho uses the name "A. Ishmael." He is also reported to have had the words "Ismail Ax" tattooed or written on one arm." (Emphasis mine.)
The Post Chronicle tells us that the writing was on Cho's hand: Investigators found "Ismail Ax" written on the hand of Cho Seung-Hui, the Virginia Tech shooter, written in red ink."
UDPATE 10: ABCNews.com picks up this odd story, to their credit, here: 'Ismail-Ax': Breaking the Riddle. Amongst their explanations is that the term appears in a poem called "The Goat Ranchers" which reads:
Went where they'd herded goats when they were kids,
Went where they were lovers,
Went where they were married here, those fifty years ago.
Traces of Ishmael's ax on the scarred trunks of the cedar trees,
Crossing the canyons and winding arroyos.
UPDATE 9: As mentioned elsewhere on this blog, EldaRossell has posted a clarification on her blog about her photo and friend. Check it out
UPDATE 8: EldaRossell has apparently deleted her two blog posts and the Flickr picture mentioned above, and I can't say that I blame her. Her blog can be found at http://eldarossell.wordpress.com/ where it's possible she will post some sort of message or explanation. I've looked around the web for any explanation of the phrase "Ismail Ax" and there's not much out there. I wonder why? Perhaps we'll learn more in the coming days.
UPDATE 7: An article from the Sydney Morning Herald site that discusses the registration of the domain name IsmailAx.com, including some comments by the savvysick and twisted entrepreneurial registrar. No "blood money" is sought, in spite of the fact that the URL is now home to a page full of sponsored links. (You can find it here, although I'd encourage you not to click on anything.)
UPDATE 5: Here's another blog post, this one with the Flickr photo referenced above. However, I can't get to ToggleText.com. It's probably being hammered. I'll post a translation if it does ever load.
It loaded. Here it is, again FWIW:
This the Ismail photograph (Cho Seung Hoo).
The new friend from KorSel.
Now he and friends him was homestay (gw gak tau where) for a week.
He was younger a year from gw.
He said from his 13 friends, who were oldest had three people (26 years), one of them named Jian (that his Indonesian name, his Korean name gw gak tau).
It was youngest that around 20-21 years, his name of Indra (Kim Yun Ki).
Several weeks yg then, gw took Seung Hoo & Yun Ki to Giant Hypermarket.
They wanted to buy juice and milk.
Because in Indomaret close to WH did not sell milk, Mbak Rahma proposed that they went to Giant and he asked gw took the two children.
Seung Hoo asked how we went to Giant, whether walking or rising angkot.
Gw answered rose angkot because far.
Evidently Yun Ki just the first time that rose angkot.
Gw every was the same him, this as the exercise if later he will move to Surabaya (he was assigned there to be the Instructor Taekwondo) he gak again uneasy.
But he every will rise the taxi went straight.
Gw then commented if the taxi was expensive.
Yun Ki every it's alright.
Yes, not Yun Ki yg every like that but Seung Hoo.
Because Yun Ki still could not speak about Indonesian.
So, while chatting Sueng Hoo that translated.
When we descended in the three-way intersection to rise angkot the other route, Yun Ki commented “wah busy ya”.
In the heart gw thought “aduh here the child has a month live in wisma gak had gone out from wisma ok?
Gimana later in Surabaya?
Just As we arrived in Giant, Seung Hoo say that in fact they might not go very far.
What???
Now you’re telling me this??
Gw smiled foolishly then (in fact in the heart gw confused.
This the person's child sodara2!!
… not the village child here again … gimana if why-why trus ortu him yg in KorSel nuntut gw gitu).
Okay … relax
UPDATE 4: Unbelievable. The Smoking Gun has Cho Seung-Hui's writing already. Just amazing. Link Here. Note: I haven't read it, proceed at your own risk, as it were.
UPDATE 2: The person who took that Flickr photo (above) has a blog, and this post makes reference to "Ismail" and is titled "New Friend." Based on the comment in the Flickr post mentioning that it's hard for Indonesians to pronounce his name, I tried an Indonesian translation of this blog post. This is what I got (submitted only FWIW):
Just sy was finished chatted with one of the guests WH. he South Koreans.
His name of Ismail.
Yep… you gak wrong read … his name of Ismail.
Sy surprised also by the name of him, trus sy tny he, is it true that that his name.
Evidently that his Indonesian name, the name in fact was Jo Sung Ho.
He and several of his colleagues from KorSel, was studying Indonesian for 2 months in WH. after that he will go to Palembang to teach the computer in the TECHNICAL COLLEGE OF MACHINERY for 2 years.
Ow, susye true chatted was the same Ismail/Sung Ho … because he was not yet fluent in Indonesian.
Bhs England then only a little (sami mawon sm sy).
But according to sy, he has been moderate could compared to his friends (sy sometimes still liked to laugh in view of the fact that his friend had difficulty really asked Indonesian).
Trus sy every was the same Ismail, he must often chat with Indonesians yg was in WH.
By the way the matter of the name, they were asked to choose the Indonesian name personally.
Sy asked why Sung Ho chose the Ismail name, he every because he wanted to be friends with the person Islam.
Trus he mentioned the veil, then mentioned the name of Ms Siam (one of the employees WH) that wore the veil.
Sy also asked whether the Indonesian name his friends.
Ismail mentioned Indra, the Torment … yep…ka you also were not wrong read … was yg his name the Torment, bayangin then!
Sy, Mbak Rus and yg other agreed if the name must be replaced.
Possibly sy tomorrow could speak first with Ismail ttg this because we janjian to chat again tomorrow night.
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What can you say about the Virginia Tech shootings? I just got sicker yesterday as the death toll climbed and climbed. And then you hear stories about people leaping out of windows, about students being lined-up and shot. The details are still emerging and it's only the beginning of a long road for the families and friends of those who lost loved ones, and for those who are left behind to try and put the pieces back together.
One of the professors was Liviu Librescu, a Romanian who was known internationally for his research in aeronautical engineering. Engineering department chief Ishwar Puri said Librescu's research made aircraft better.
The other professor killed was Kevin Granata. He conducted orthopedic research in hospitals before coming to Tech. Puri said Granata was one of the top five biomechanics researchers in the country working on movement dynamics in cerebral palsy.
Mr. Granata's web page is here as of 10am, and Mr. Librescu's here.* It's sad; it's just an impossibly sad day. Would Mr. Granata have created some sort of cerebral palsy solution? Could Mr. Librescu's research have saved lives in the future? To say nothing of the students who were killed, one of whom is described as having "several majors and a 4.0 GPA." Pray for Virginia Tech.
Some outlets are referring to the coming northeast, late-April snow storm as "Historic." I've also heard the terms "50-year storm," "100-year storm," "devastating" and "icky." Terms I haven't heard used but wish they were include "ninja-like," "apocalyptic," and "Biblical." (Just to be clear, at this point we're talking about a snow event, no frogs or meteors or anything like that. One model does show locust, but it's a widely derided model and not terribly accurate.)
My nemesis still has an area of 6-25" for central Pennsylvania. But it has shifted north and east a little bit and looks like less of a State College event to me. AccuWeather.com has the following graphic now:
If you look real hard, and kind of squint your eyes, you can make out Centre County. And inside Centre County you'll see a dot for State College, and in that dot you can see me. I'm waving - wave back! Anyway, I think I'm on the line between 1-3" and 3-6".
Other outlets are saying rain and snow with no amounts for snowfall.
Based on all of this I've come to the careful, considered conclusion that no one really knows what's going to happen. If it weren't for Don Imus this storm probably would have been hyped a lot more. As it is, we'll have to go into the weekend in the sorry state of not only not being able to hear Imus anymore* but also having no idea how much bread and milk we really need. Ah well. Anyone traveling in the Satuday night - Monday morning timeframe in the northeast please take extra care and stay tuned to local weather forecasting.
*I really never watched or listened to him, so I don't have much of an opinion. I'm a firm believer in the free market system though, and if advertisers don't want to support the show, it seems perfectly reasonable for his boss to fire him. I really haven't thought through the larger issues of what can and can't be said on the airwaves, what is protected speech and what is not, etc. Feel free to leave a comment on this. When I think about what things a person should say I think of Proverbs 21:23 - "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." Sounds like good advice to me!
Update 1: The NWS is sort of saying in a roundabout, maybe it will, maybe it won't sort of way that we could possibly get 6-12" if it doesn't rain.
There's a lotofbuzz around the office today (the AccuWeather office) about a potential monster snow storm this weekend in the northeast. Of course, it's mid-April and these sorts of things are exciting for meteorologists and people who (have to) work with meteorologists, but for the ordinary, common folk - well, we just want to be able to open the windows and wear shorts already.
This past weekend those of us who live in State College (the home of AccuWeather and Penn State University) awoke Easter morning to fields of white. Several inches of snow had fallen, although the sidewalks and roads were spared. Easter should be a time of celebrating dandelions and cherry blossoms and dancing around bulbs that have started poking up through the formerly frozen ground. Not a time for wondering how much salt you have left in the garage, or if you can start the snowblower one more time without hurting yourself.
But here it is - a potential history-making snow storm. I say potential because I'm mostly a regular Joe and know how likely these things are to happen just as the models say. But I also say history-making because I (have to) work with a bunch of meteorologists. Here's one model snap:
"SEVERE LATE SEASON NOREASTER, LATEST, AND GREATEST SINCE APRIL 1983 BREWING FOR NORTHEAST."
Of course he said that in his own inimicable caps-lock-on way. But he's pretty passionate about the weather. AccuWeather.com has begun to weigh in and has the following graphic:
It will be interesting to watch the forecast unfold in the coming days. I'll try to post updates here; keep AccuWeather.com bookmarked as well. And please don't forget to panic Saturday and rush to the store to buy bread, milk and salt for the driveway one last time. That is, until our May snow storm.
There's an exciting article in the UK Times Online about what appears to be a successful cure for Diabetes using stem cells. Fifteen young diabetics were given stem cells taken from their own blood and eventually were able to suspend their insulin injections. There's a lot not being said in the article, and it's still early, but what is said does seem tremendously positive. More tests and trials will be scheduled, and it's thought that the research won't yield a widely-available remedy for another 5-8 years. Great news, though, for my son who will only (!) be 20 years old in 8 years, a full 10 years younger than I was when I was first diagnosed. It's encouraging to think that they may have this beat before he graduates college.
I thought an interesting news photo quiz would be to pull a photo out of an article and then see if you can guess what the original article was about. Today we have this following:
Source: Simon Maina / AFP - Getty Images
What subject do you think this photo is being used to illustrate? Poverty? Hunger? Weather Damage? AIDS?
The USPS unveiled a strange new conspiracy theory stamp today. It's called the Forever Stamp. You can read about it at the USPS site here. The linked article shows the final, chosen stamp (more on that in a second) and goes on to explain that a Forever Stamp, once purchased, will always be good for a first class letter. EVEN IF STAMPS GO UP. Which is why the stamp doesn't have a monetary value on it - just the word "forever." This could be a real savings. If you buy 5000 stamps at 41¢ each you've just spent $2,050 - but just think! You'll never have to deal with increased rates, 1¢ and 2¢ stamps. You may be saving hundreds of dollars in increased productivity, lower costs and peace of mind.
I have a quick word about the stamp that was chosen; a friend of mine who is high-placed in the postal world sent me an image of a plateblock that was initially under consideration for the Forever Stamp:
Now...I suppose the Liberty Bell here is everyone's sentimental favorite but still, you should at least consider each of the other candidates. Spongebob, for example, would seem to be the perfect lickable stamp. He's super-absorbent and probably stays on there real well. Then we have Yoo Hoo - what's more forever than the an "MMMMM! ICY 'HOO SHAKE!" It's Shake-o-licious!
And finally we have Milton Berle. And although he's not around any more, God Bless his soul, he DID star with the muppets in the Muppet Movie and they're still quite active. And Milton has given us countless fond memories and joy that still fill our hearts today.
What do you think? Who or what should have been on the forever stamp? Did they make the right choice? Or miss an obvious candidate? Weigh in via a comment.
That would be Secretary Lawrence M. Small, the top dog at the Smithsonian Institution. I bet you didn't know that the Smithsonian Institution had a top dog, did you?
Far be it from me to question anyone's spending habits, because really you just don't know until the foot is in the other shoe, but Sec. Small has resigned amid some questions about his expenses. Apparently an audit was conducted which uncovered $90,000 in "unauthorized expenses," including private jet travel and expensive gifts.
In addition to this $90,000 in unauthorized expenses, Small has charged the Smithsonian over $1.1 million for the use of his home since 2000. I really have no idea what that means. I think it means that the Smithsonian Institution has been staying with Sec. Small, drinking all of his beer and leaving the toilet seat up. Some of the housing expenses included $273,000 for "housekeeping." But, really, if this is over six years then that's only $45,500 a year, which is only $125 a day, and where can you find good housekeeping nowadays for less than $125? Well, okay, I would clean his house for about $115 a day, but I'd be losing money on the deal let me tell you.
The Rileys, through their attorneys, are accusing Rebecca's psychiatrist of over-prescribing medication.
The psychiatrist involved is Dr. Kayoko Kifuji of the Tufts-New England Medical Center. You can find her page here, which lists her specialties as "child psychiatry, mood disorders, anxiety disorder, child and adolescent eating disorders" among others. Dr. Kifuji is currently on paid leave. She has denied any involvement in the death and has agreed to a suspension of her license while the state medical board investigates.
The medical examiner said that Rebecca died from a combination of Clonidine, Depakote, cough suppressant and an antihistamine. Clonidine and Depakote are FDA-approved for adults only, although it's legal to prescribe them to children (as is done fairly often.)
The death of Rebecca raises a lot of unsettling and difficult questions: how early can a diagnosis of mental illness be made? Are some parents medicating their children because it's more convenient - and easier - than parenting? Why did the "system" - including teachers, school nurses, neighbors, relatives, pharmacists and medical professionals - fail Rebecca so thoroughly? And who is responsible for little Rebecca's death: her parents, who may have given her more medication than was prescribed, or the psychiatrist, who may have prescribed too much? Or was it simply an accident?
Finally, two sobering statistics from the article linked to above:
"A study of mentally ill children discharged from community hospitals, published in January in the Archives of General Psychiatry, found the proportion of children diagnosed with bipolar disorders jumped from 2.9 percent in 1990 to15.1 percentin 2000."
The annual number of U.S. children prescribed anti-psychotic drugs jumpedfivefoldbetween 1995 and 2002, to an estimated 2.5 million, according to a study published last year by researchers at Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital in Nashville, Tenn.
A collie named Lassie saved her 81-year-old owner Robert and his wife Elsie from a house fire by licking and nibbling his hands until he awoke and escaped the blaze. Sadly, the couple thought the dog had escaped the fire too, but firefighters found the dog's remains under some collapsed roofing.
The couple were treated at a local hospital for burns and chest pains and were released.
Alert Reader and First Time Emailer* Brian pointed out this fascinating article at National Geographic that suggests that the sun may be heating the Earth. The sun (to review) is a large solar body (sort of like a star) that revolves around our planet once a year**. Apparently when the sun is not busy revolving around the Earth (the other 364 days a year, naturally) it is busy revolving around other things, like Mars. Scientists have checked the temperature on Mars (during a recent period when Mars was revolving around the Earth) and discovered that it is warmer than the last time it revolved around the Earth, which was approximately three years ago.
The parallels between what is happening to Mars and what is happening to Earth are too amazing to be coincidental. For example, Mars's south pole made up of carbon dioxide "ice caps"*** is shrinking. On Earth, our "ice caps" are shrinking as well. On Mars, the polar bears are getting stranded on small carbon dioxide "ice floes"**** - on Earth, polar bears are boarding planes to Cleveland and Erie.
Are climate scientists convinced? The answer, in two words: No.
"This study is bunk," said one noted climatologist, who asked not to be named. "Everyone knows that the Sun only warms one planet in any given sun-cycle" Peter Boughton the unnamed climatologist added.
NASA is preparing a manned flight to the sun next year to conduct studies determined to answer the global warming question once and for all.
*That is to say, the first time Brian has emailed me. Not that Brian hasn't emailed other people long before this.
**At the risk of pointing out my own satire, yes, I know that the sun sometimes take more than a year to revolve around the Earth.
***The words used in the article. I would never call carbon dioxide "ice caps." That's just silly.
“As I continue to work to address the systemic problems that have plagued our criminal justice system for decades, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of addressing educational and social problems that have plague our community for just as long."
How cool is this? And I'm not even making it up this time!
"Monster-size, deep-sea squid that use their glowing arms to blind and stun their prey have been filmed in the wild for the first time, scientists say."
At first, I thought scientists in Japan had caught a rare prehistoric goblin. This would have finally answered the centuries old questions of "Are there prehistoric goblins?" and "Do they live in Japan?" and "Are they hoarding dwarven gold and artificially manipulating the price of gold on international precious metal markets?" I pictured a media feeding frenzy, not unlike the one that recently occurred with Anna Nicole Smith, where the goblin would appear on Larry King Live, and Hannity and Colmes, and Nancy Grace with a little caption at the bottom the reads "Goblin Gold: Will the dwarves sue?"
It turns out, however, that the title actually read: Rare "Prehistoric" Goblin Shark Caught in Japan. Not only that, but the goblin shark did not have any dwarven gold, nor did it live long enough to appear on Larry King's show.
It what is surely a sign of the Apocalypse, two separate accidents just a day apart sent 40 tons of cow intestines and 165,000 eggs all over highways in Wisconsin and Virginia.
You can read about the cow intestines here. There's no word on where 40 tons of cow intestines were headed. The article only mentions the phrase "beef byproduct" which is enough to make anyone go vegetarian. Apparently Alert Driver Ryan Engle was adjusting his mp3 player when he lost control of the vehicle. (No word on what the song was; Moo-dy Blues anyone?*)
The other story involves 165,000 future chickens in Virginia. The eggs were headed to a hatchery in Maryland where they "would have become chickens to be eaten at fast food restaurants." The odd part of this story (well, okay, I suppose it's all odd) is that the driver ran off after the accident. Police are baffled as to why the driver would scramble after the crack-up. "For him to just up and leave like that, that's kinda odd," state police spokesman Sgt. Terry Licklider said. The spokesman offered no response when asked if it was likely whether or not, when fleeing, the driver had. . . crossed the road.**
My heart really goes out to this poor woman. Assuming this is a photograph of the "victim" before the "crime."
The Pakistan Daily Times (don't you love the Internet?) is reporting that an ancient mirror was dropped during a Chinese TV show. The mirror was dropped by a model while she was showing it to the audience. Unfortunately this wasn't any old mirror - the mirror dated back 2,500 years and was worth £500,000 (or $979,250 USD according to Google.) The owner of the mirror was sitting in the front row.
For a description of the mirror and to see what the owner did next, head over to Pakistan.
Uncredited photo from the Daily Times. Believed to be the million dollar 2,500 year-old mirror before the accident.
If California Assemblyman Lloyd Levine has his way, the incandescent lightbulb will hear it's last "How Many X Does it Take to Screw In A Lightbulb" joke by the year 2012. The Assemblyman wants to do away with the bulbs in an effort to reduce energy use and greenhouse gases, which are of course warming the earth and going to kill us all by 2011 and a half.
(I know I'm an unreasonable skeptic, but when one cosiders all that the planet earth has been through in its lifetime, from meteor impacts to volcanic activity, tectonic plate shifting to Paris Hilton, it's hard to imagine that we're going to doom life by using too many incandescent lightbulbs. On the other hand, in the interest of full disclosure, I've switched about 60% of our bulbs to the non-incandescent variety which, in case you were wondering, cost about $42 dollars each.)
I guess this means that in the near future you will probably not be able to spank your two-year-old with a lightbulb. Or something. (It must be hard to keep track of all of this stuff if you live in Cali-fornia.)
I appreciate the effort here, really. I know everyone is working as hard as possible. But I have to say I'm a little disappointed.
First, if you're going to unveil a ray gun it can't be as big as a Hummer. Everyone knows that ray guns are hand-held weapons, because only then can they be concealed properly until the right moment, at which point you pull out the ray gun from your pants or a pocket or from under your hat and point it at your enemy with a triumphant, "A-HA!"
Second, the ray gun that the military has developed shoots a beam that makes people feel as if they will catch on fire. What? Whatever happened to shooting a beam that actually makes people burst into flames? Eventually people are going to figure out that they're not catching on fire. And you KNOW some super villain somewhere is now trying to leapfrog this technology and create weapon that makes you feel like you're going to catch on fire, AND makes you feel like you don't look good in that dress. And where will all of this end? They should either work on the ray gun that makes you feel like you just need to go home and nap, or a weapon that makes you catch on fire. Let's just get the job done.
The Times Online reports "A married woman who was having an affair with a fellow skydiver plunged 13,000ft to her death after her love rival and best friend tampered with her parachute, police say."
I really can't even begin to do this story justice, so just visit the Times Online and read the entire article. It reads like a TV episode of something (CSI?) and has everything a "great" made-for-tv movie would have: A two-timing guy, having affairs with two women who are best friends, his attempts to keep the two women from knowing about the affair with the other, the entire group belonging to a skydiving organization, betrayal, murder, a horrible death. And the fall captured on a helmet camera.
This is one of those articles that I read and then can't help but put myself in the victim's shoes: what do you do when you're 13,000' up and your chutes don't open? Did she figure out what happened? How do you suspect your "best friend" of cutting both of your chutes?
There are some other interesting revelations about the woman charged with the crime at the end of the article.
Before I begin I have a confession to make. I have not seen either of the two aired episodes of American Idol, except for a short part walking through the room wherein Alert Viewer Tammy (who may or may not be my wife, but certainly is my idol) was watching. That said (and confessed) I read this article with some interest: New 'Idol' Season Shows Mean Streak.
If you've seen the show and have an opinion, I'd love to hear it. My opinion about this is formed only by snippets of past shows seen in transit past the television on the way to the bathroom or refridgerator, or from articles written about the show (which are all but impossible to avoid.) That said, my first reaction is "What were they expecting?"
If I was to go on American Idol I would fully expect the humiliation of my life - a humiliation to end all humiliations. I would expect that everyone I know would be quoting whatever Simon Cowell would tell me for at least a year. I would expect my clip to be put on You Tube and passed around the office ad infinitum. This show consists of two distinct parts: The humiliation part and the talent part. And to say that people don't want to see the humiliation part? Sadly that's untrue, as the record viewing audience for these first two shows this season proves. Are the judges getting ruder? Possibly, but if that's the case I think it's more a response to the audience watching the show, not some crazy idea the producers thought they would test out.
Personally, I can't watch this sort of thing because my heart breaks for people who embarrass themselves. These people really do think they're talented, and (to me) there's nothing more depressing than watching someone get their dreams crushed. Not just crushed, but sort of hit by a semi and backed over a few times. And then set on fire.
But should they be surprised at the harshness of it all? Not so much?
California assemblywoman Sally Lieber (D-Mountain View) has introduced a bill to outlaw spanking children up to 3 years old. Now, whether you agree or disagree with spanking, this article via the MediaNews Sacramento Bureau is a fascinating read because it shows how people use language to communicate.
For example, the author himself (Mike Zapler) says the following early on:
"California would become the first state in the nation to explicitly ban parents from smacking their kids."
Now, would pro "discipline" parents use the word "smacking?" No doubt there are people who "smack" their children, but I don't think that's discipline done correctly. (For the record, I really don't know what "spanking under three" means. I don't know if there are specifics to how the rogue spanking needs to be applied to be against the law, what happens if there is rogue spanking, etc.)
Next in the article the assemblywoman says the following:
"I think it's pretty hard to argue you need to beat a child 3 years old or younger,'' Lieber said. "Is it OK to whip a 1-year-old or a 6-month-old or a newborn?''
Now we've graduated from "smacking" to "beat" and "whip". I thought this was a no-spanking bill, not a no-whipping bill. I'm guessing parents who whip a newborn would likely face felony abuse charges.
Wherever you fall on the spanking issue, it's interesting (to me, anyway) how people use words. It reminds me to always listen and read carefully.
I'm tempted to leave it at that, and not even comment, but how can I resist? First, the fellow suing is Karl Kemp. You can find out more about Karl here. He seems like a decent sort; at least he has a great name.
The store involved is Karl Kemp Antiques - and while there are two locations listed here, it's the 833 Madison Avenue location in question. I wonder what the rent is like at 833 Madison Avenue? Here's a shot of the street in question from Google Maps.
I'm curious about the $1 million part of the lawsuit. I can completely understand being frustrated and possibly losing business because homeless people are loitering outside of your store and creating an environment that is not conducive to selling expensive antiques. But why sue for $1 million? I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that these men won't be able to pay, even if this were to go to trial and Karl would win. And in the meantime, Karl will get beaten up in the press for being a successful, wealthy antiques dealer on Madison Avenue unleashing his high priced legal team on a bunch of urinating, alcohol-consuming, cardboard-box living men who don't even own sanitary clothing.
I discovered the cause of the citrus freeze in California. It came to me via email from Amazon.com, of all places. At first I didn't know why I was getting this email, but when I followed the link suddenly it all fell into place.
The governator has asked the federal government for disaster aid in the aftermath of four days (nights) of freezing weather, which now is estimated to have caused nearly $1 billion (with a B) dollars in losses to crops, particularly citrus. Hardest hit were oranges, lemons and tangerines. Bananas, which are rumored to be used in the making of banana juice, were apparently spared.
The good news for consumers not directly involved in the industry is that prices aren't expected to spike, although some short-term rise in probably unavoidable. An unnamed spokesperson for the banana industry was quoted as saying, "Now is a GREAT time to get some extra bananas and squeeze your own banana juice."
You can get the details here from this AP article. The photo at right is some wannabe frozen OJ in Modesto, California on Tuesday. (AP Photo by talented AP Photographer Rich Pedroncelli)
If I had to pick between losing oranges and losing bananas, I would probably lose bananas although I enjoy both fruits. You really can't drink bananas* though, so oranges win by a nose (leaf?).
California has experienced a crippling citrus freeze in the last few days. An amazing $700 million dollars worth of fruit has been destroyed, and it's estimated that up to 10,000 jobs may be lost as a result. I've read that 3/4 of the crop may have been lost, but I've also read that 25% of the crop was harvested before the freeze. That would mean (he says, quickly doing the math in a computer-like fashion) that all of the remaining crop was destroyed. Right?
ABC has an article here that also mentions lemons. I really don't care for lemons at all, so I don't feel a lot of pain there although I'm not happy to hear about the economic loss that people experience as a result of these things.
And now, the Rhetorical Question of the Day: If you experience unseasonable high temperatures in the northeast, that's global warming - but if you experience unseasonable low temperatures in the west, is that global warming too? Break up into small groups and discuss.
*If you or someone you know have actually found someone willing to take a normal, decent banana and squeeze it to the point that some sort of banana juice is created, I really don't want to know about that. Some things, like Santa, the Easter Bunny and solid bananas should never be spoiled.
This weekend the Schaads attended a funeral in Ohio. I would have mentioned this before I left, but our 40' tall "Please Rob Us" neon sign was in the shop, and announcing via the blog that I was going to be out of town seemed somehow inappropriate without the sign. (I'm sure I'll make similar announcements in the future once the sign is repaired.) Tammy's grandfather Vernon passed away shortly after Christmas after a battle with cancer, and one of his wishes was that there would be two weeks until a funeral so that people would have time to make preparations and get to Ohio. That's a small insight into what made Vernon a great man; his life was marked by an uncharacteristic selflessness (uncharacteristic for human beings, I think) that put other people first. Vernon was a devout Christian, and after the funeral there was a "Home Going" service at his church. I hope that when I come to the end of my time people say even half of the things that they said about Vernon. It was very convicting to hear what friends and family shared. Someone said that for as long as they knew him, Vernon never had a single bad thing to say about anyone, and no one he knew had a bad thing to say about him. How many people can say the same thing? Very humbling.
The travel weather was very dreary, which seems fitting for a funeral somehow. We drove out Thursday and I think it's not an exaggeration to say there were more semis on the road than cars. I don't normally mind sharing the road with trucks, but when you're driving on wet roads at night in the rain it can be a little nerve-wracking.
On the way back from Ohio we drove slightly out of our way and went through Pittsburgh. We did this for two reasons:
1. The more direct route would be to take I80 from Ohio to State College, but I80 is in the northern tier of the state where ice and snow are more common. (Snow? Pause here for insane laughter.)
2. Pittsburgh is the home of Moio's Italian Pastry Shop. I've been a MIPS addict since I was a wee young lad and didn't know any better. Moio's makes the best cake on earth, and anytime I come within 100 miles of Pittsburgh I usually go out of my way to stop by. I don't know what we'll have to eat in Heaven, but I'm willing to bet that Moio's cake and chocolate chip cookies are somehow involved.
While in Pittsburgh we also stopped at Dave and Buster's and let the kids get their fill of electronic fun while Tammy and I had a quiet lunch together. They had a blast and walked away with some goodies after exchanging the tickets they had won on various games for prizes. I try not to think about how much cheaper the "prizes" would have been if I had just gone to Wal-Mart. I mean, it's all about the fun right? Right? (Crickets chirping.)
While oil has retreated somewhat in the past few weeks, the price still remains at historically high levels. CNN Money has a good article on what may be causing this. And no, it's not brain surgery: Oil's charge is likely being funded by speculators.
(I'll pause here for you to recover from your shock and catch your breath. Okay, time's up.)
The article goes on to try and paint this speculation in a good light, mentioning something about pension funds. Now, I'm a Total Economic Idiot when it comes to these things, but I'm going to guess the average consumer is going to lose more in the cost of gas, heating, and the slowing of the economy from higher fuel prices than they would gain in their pension funds from the trading of oil. But again, I'm a T.E.I.
Given that the market is so dominated by speculators, look for the price of oil to rebound very soon based on the coming cold snap that's going to hit the U.S.*
*The Blog Hero would like to state unequivocally that he is not a financial genius, trader or even slightly versed in anything that would make him money. As such, all financial advice, wisdom and insight is completely made-up and given for entertainment value only. Sort of like the horoscope, only less accurate. Your mileage may vary. No shirt, no shoes - no service. Void where prohibited by law. You must be this tall to read this blog. Thank you.
He was found dead, unfortunately. Fossils were recently discovered in Spain that researchers believe belong to one of the largest dinosaurs - and the largest found in Europe so far - ever. Turiasaurus riodevensis would have been 30 to 37 metres long, and would have weighed between 40 and 48 tonnes. Or, in Bizarre American Units that would be 120 feet long and 105,821.886 pounds (give or take.)
Based on the fossils uncovered, as well as some detailed photographs found in his wallet, researchers were able to work with forensic artists to create the following picture of the great beast:
You'll see that the Death Star has been inserted next to the dinosaur to give you an idea of its size. It should be noted that no actual Death Star has (yet) been found in Spain.
Just a quick note, I saw this article and was wondering what people thought about involving the police. Will this teach the lad an important lesson, or should the parents (parent?) be taking responsibility for the parenting and not involving the police? Drop me a comment or a note - and if you don't see the comment appear on the blog let me know. I have been hammered with the blog spam in the last few weeks. (I guess it's picked up because of the shopping season; I've never seen anything like it.)
That's Quote of the Day. This is actually a week or so old, but I still love it. From the StarNewsOnline.com:
In Lewis Center, Ohio, near Columbus, Cindy Milsap, 43, and her daughter, Ashley, 20, woke up before dawn to drive to the nearby Wal-Mart Supercenter, which advertised a 52-inch high-definition television for $474. “We don’t really need a new TV," Ms. Milsap said. "But at that price? C’mon."
While that title could refer to my own inability to cook even after [age redacted] years, I'm instead referring to the mass extinctions predicted because of the global warming thing. Laura has a good post here about the coming (occurring?) extinctions. My question is - why don't we see any species evolving instead of just dying? If climate changes like the one we're apparently in are enough to kill off whole species, wouldn't you think that by now, after quintillions of years, that the Earth would be completely empty? I'm assuming that we're had climate switches (even more dramatic) than this one in the past. I'm just dying to see a frog develop built-in air conditioning, or heat vision, or what have you.
And, to make this post only slightly more controversial: How about that O.J.?
CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) has successfully powered up the world's largest superconducting magnet. It's 110 tons, 16' wide and 82' long. I don't know if you can see him, but there's a guy in the photo at right.
The magnet will smash protons together. Although I know very little about physics, I'm always amazed when I read these sorts of things. I mean, just think about that for a second. They're going to smash protons together.
While this is apparently the largest superconducting magnet, the title of today's post harkens back to an old episode of Get Smart, wherein Siegfried had created the "Maxi-Magnet" - a super powerful magnet that was going to be used to attract and ground an entire fleet of ships on a fake floating island which would then sink. The island, ironically enough, was the same set used for Gilligan's Island. (Max ended up defeating the Maxi-Magnet with a more powerful, small watch-sized magnet - the "Mini-Magnet.")
The magnet is called the "Barrel Toroid." I looked up "Toroid" in the dictionary and it said the following:
toroid: a surface generated by a closed plane curve rotated about a line that lies in the same plane as the curve but does not intersect it
I thought about that for fifteen minutes and I think I almost had it, but then my brain melted.
Alert Reader and Tasty Turkey Fan Lori recently provided me with a list of little-known turkey facts. Now, I've read a lot of things on the Internet - some even true - and I'm not sure what to think of these little-known turkey facts.
The facts appear to come from relatively trustworthy sources. For example, the University of Illinois has a list of turkey facts on this page. They get points for being a university, and points for having their page available in Spanish. But I'm still not sure I can believe this:
Turkeys have heart attacks. The United States Air Force was doing test runs and breaking the sound barrier. Nearby turkeys dropped dead with heart attacks.
I have mental image of thousands of turkeys just dropping like dominos as Air Force jets fly overhead. The farmer, hearing the death-crys of thousands of turkeys, rushes out to see his beloved birds all lying dead. Being the compassionate farmer he is, he then orders autopsies for all of the animals to find out what happened.
"It's bad Jim. They all died - of heart attacks. Something scared these birds to death."
If this was a movie, Jim would then look past the doctor who did the autopsy and the camera would focus on the calendar on the wall - November 22, the day before Thanksgiving.
Seriously though, I didn't think that fear or loud noises caused heart attacks, I thought it was clogged arteries? Not that turkeys are normally healthy birds. Too much turkey, especially that dark meat stuff, can clog your arteries real quick. So maybe they're born pre-clogged? I don't know. It all sounds mighty suspicious to me. It's much more likely that the Air Force was conducting the "Troop Neutralizing Gas Delivery System" instead of the "Breaking the Sound Barrier Test" and needed a good cover story.
If anyone out there has had their pet turkey die of heart failure, or knows Farmer Jim, or the doctor who did the autopsies, leave a comment.
In any event, enjoy your Thanksgiving!
TIPS (Terribly Important Post Script) One can sympathize more with Ben Franklin now, who proposed the turkey as the Official Bird of the United States. This would have been YEARS before the first turkeys died from a sonic boom created by Air Force Tests, so Ben was probably unaware of the delicate nature of the turkey heart.
If not, definitely a sign of, you know, the chapters right before the end. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't covered in Henry's my nemesis' blog: "Plan to create human-cow embryos". Isn't this how most sci-fi/horror movies start out? You're introduced to a group of people. Most of them have obvious character defects that cause you to hate them almost immediately. One or two of them seem nice enough, and probably say early in the movie, "No! Mixing cows and humans can only result in a genetic mutant Cowman abomination that will surely destroy us all!" Of course, they won't be heeded. And the scientists will go on to make the Cowman, which will turn out to be a genetic mutant abomination that will destroy the entire cast except for the one or two sympathetic characters. In the end, the cowman will be killed...or, will he? What's that rising from the fog-enshrouded, muck-encrusted swamp? Is it...yes! A bovine hoof thrusts out of the water!
Fade to black. Start filming Cowman 2: Udder Death.
I saw two headlines on the ol' RSS reader today that I completely misunderstood when I read them the first time:
Black bear hunt ends with 41 killed in two days
This sounded like people were hunting a rogue black bear that had killed 41 people before they finally found it and stopped it. But, I guess people hunted and killed 41 black bears. I find the former interpretation more interesting; can you imagine some ninja bear sneaking from home to home eating people? And hunters unable to find it before it got 41 people? Me too.
Britney names second child -- officially
At first I thought - what kind of a name is Officially? But you know these Hollywood types, always naming their kids something weird. Officially Federline . It has an interesting ring to it, and would probably also suffice for a new line of torn t-shirts. But, what they actually meant was that she had officially named her baby - as in authoritative or authorized. The name chosen? "Jayden James Federline."
"The father of a young football player pulled a gun on his son's coach because he didn't think the boy was getting enough playing time, Philadelphia police said on Monday."
It seems like we've lost the ability to let kids play games. Link here. I mean, this was 6- and 7-year-olds. The kids, not the parents.
Four amateur cave explorers have discovered what some are calling "one of the most significant finds in a generation" of cave hunting. The cavern, named "Ursa Minor," is located in Sequoia National Park and home to some of the most beautiful rock formations ever seen. (San Francisco Chronicle article. There are some neat pictures - much better than my photos of Luray Caverns.)
Officials are keeping the exact location of the cave a secret, and only a few dozen are expected to ever see it in person. This has lead to rampant speculation that an underground dwarven gem mine was found with diamonds as big as, well, a spleen, but everyone involved has categorically denied the rumors. But that just figures.
You know you have a problem when you open your RSS reader and there are 7,320 unread articles. And you convince yourself that you will still get to them. I may have to admit defeat though. I occasionally do and clear the entire thing, only to start all over again. One of the reasons I've subscribed to so many feeds is work related; I'm trying to keep up with all of the weather goings-on. Going-ons. Goings-ons. You know what I mean. The other reason is that I'm a news junkie and think I need to know what the next Prime Minister of Japan is planning to do. And the last reason is that I'm just brain damaged.
For example, I see here that QB Simms has had his spleen removed. Now, if I wasn't subscribed to the Spleen Removal RSS feed, I would never have known that. Clicking on the article, I find out that this is Chris Simms of the Tampa Bay Bucaneers who, just today, was hit so hard on the football field by the Carolina Panthers that his spleen was thrown clear. What? Okay, I made that up. He had his spleen removed after the game. Well, not right after but, you know what I mean.
Some of you are now wondering, "Doesn't he need that spleen? Or can he live with just one?" Unfortunately 90% of people have only one spleen. The remaining 10% of people have accessory spleens, which comes with the accessory backpack and grenade launcher. (You think I jest about the accessory spleen, but this is a Documented Medical Thing.*)
So what is a spleen? Wikipedia is happy to help: "The spleen is a ductless, vertebrate gland." I know what you're thinking - "I saw that movie!" It's the one where the last few people who escaped the spleen discovered that the only way to defeat the gigantic ductless, vertebrate gland was to shoot it with ultrasonic waves. The waves shrank the spleen to normal size and they put it back in the jar it escaped from.
In all seriousness, best wishes to Chris Simms for a speedy recovery.
*I know some of you are going to look this up. Let me just warn you now that the spleen is not the most attractive organ, being a ductless vertebrate gland. Okay there, you were warned.
This was almost an awesome news story. At first, I thought the following appeared in my news reader:
Confused by lights, rare birds that navigate from the moon are losing their way.
It turns out, though, that it actually said:
Confused by lights, rare birds that navigate by the moon are losing their way.
You can read the article here, and what folks are doing to help the birds. As soon as I found out that these are not rare moon birds I sort of lost interest. Not that they aren't really cute.
National Geographic News is reporting that a stone tablet has been found in Mexico that contains an ancient writing system lost for 3,000 years, or at least twelve days. The article about this stone tablet can be found here .
Now, I'm not one to doubt this sort of thing, but if you follow the link to the large photo and take a good look at this thing - well what do you think? It looks like a freeware dingbats font I might have downloaded off of "ancientlostwritingsystemfonts.com" In particular, look at glyph 12. If that isn't an ice cream cone I don't know what is. I'm also pretty convinced that 57 is a beer, and I KNOW I saw 7 crawling around my basement.
At the moment Experts Who Know This Stuff seem split on whether it's real or not. They're still trying to answer basic questions, such as: what flavors of ice cream did they have? Were the cones those "cake" cones, or those hard-as-rock "sugar" cones? How far off was the waffle cone? Had these ancient peoples developed the two-scoop cone yet?
The Experts HAVE figured out an important distinction between three of the glyphs. 1 apparently shows the "icky bug" which would cause ancient 3,000 year-old wives to scream for their husbands who would summarily smash it with little thought. 23 was a clover mite, which as everyone knows you should never smash because it will leave a big orange stain on everything, including ancient people's drywall and is extremely tough to get out. 50 shows the "poisonous bug" which was also icky, and would probably stain walls and carpeting too, but was also poisonous and had to be killed from a distance, usually with a long club, a rock, or a can of RAID®.
Hopefully we'll know more about all of this soon. In the meantime I'm downloading the other 3,000 year old fonts from ancientlostwritingsystemfonts.com just so I have them before it's all the rage.
You get an email promising you a free coffee from your local Starbucks®. You think, "Free coffee!" and get up from your computer and dance a little jig, then print the coupon. You go down to your local Starbucks® and get in line, order your coffee, and then try to pay with your coupon. The suave goatee*-adorned pierced-eyeball cashier says "Sorry we aren't accepting those." You:
1. ...fumble around in your pocket for some money to pay for the drink, while glaring at the cashier.
2. ...say "I'm never shopping here again!" and storm out.
3. ...hire a lawyer and launch a $114 million dollar lawsuit.
Some things you just can't make up.
*gottee: of or having to do with gots; see also goatee. sigh.
I've noted with some interest several stories on the plunging of gas prices. This article predicts gas as low as $1.15. That would be fine with me, but what's the reason for this sort of thing? How do we go from $3 to $1.15? I'm certainly not an economic whiz (my closest related super power would be the Ability to Clip Coupons That Are Already Expired) but I think supply and demand have something to do with it. So has supply jumped that much, or has demand leveled off...?
This article does a great job of explaining the basics. And, as I read it, it's all about the gambling. Oil is traded in contracts for future delivery, and those contracts are going to be bought in a speculative fashion depending on the economic environment. Scary hurricane season? Rigs threatened! Oil will go up! Caribou nibble through an Alaskan pipeline? Supply hurt! Oil will go up! Civil unrest in Nigeria? Supply hurt! Oil will go up!
Of course, economics 101 suggests that at some level you can't have the prices rising constantly. Eventually people would cut their use of a product because there's too much pain in using it, or other conditions will change to impact the price. We're seeing that now with oil. Mideast tensions have (apparently) eased, the Anti-Hurricane Device created by the U.S. government using space lasers is working - even Iran is talking about ceasing enrichment of Uranium (for what that's worth). Oil inventories are actually high.
So is $1.15 really a possibility? I personally doubt it - investors aren't sure where the floor is, but while I think a run for the bottom is very possible, oil is too important a commodity for it to slide that far without people buying in. There'll always be reasons to convince people that oil will go back up.
The Farmer's Almanac predicts a very cold winter for the U.S. this year. Demand increases! Oil will go up!
As you can plainly see, the earthquake that occurred today in the Gulf of Mexico was indeed caused by Godzilla. Furthermore, Godzilla is quite angry and on the move. You should keep in mind that this Godzilla Warning Graphic features the Godzilla Cone of Movement™. While there is a line plotted here to show the most likely path Godzilla will take, people should not focus on the line. Focus on the cone - because even a slight deviation in the movement of Godzilla could result in landfall anywhere within this cone.
Currently the most likely landfall will occur in the St. Pete/Tampa area. Already the combined forces of Homeland Security and FEMA are being marshaled. As such, Governor Jeb Bush has declared a state of emergency and asked that everyone south of Gainesville save themselves and flee to Houston.
People are reminded that this is a dangerous monster. Damage to structures and power lines within the path of Godzilla is extremely likely and will be severe. Please DO NOT TRY TO BE A HERO and ride out the monster. Board up your home, secure your pets and leave the area as soon as possible. States beginning with the letters "I" "K" and "O" are designated safe states and are good places to ride out the monster.
Once Godzilla makes landfall, he's expected to continue north and east until he hits Daytona Beach, where he will pick up a "Life's a Beach" towel and an oval bumper sticker that reads "DB" before he returns to the ocean.
Further bulletins as events warrant.
*Usually Alert Reader Tammy just stopped by and took a look at the map and wanted to know when that happened, and what was going to hit Florida and why there hasn't been anything on the news. I tried to explain about Godzilla and the earthquake and FEMA not wanting anyone to panic, etc., but she just sort of stared at me. So, after a brief phone call with the Blog Hero Legal Team, I've been instructed to add this clarifying disclaimer:
Godzilla™ is a trademark of Japanese entertainment company Toho. Toho is not responsible for any damage or panic that Godzilla™ causes. Any warning information about Godzilla™ that this blog issues is provided "as is" and no warranty, expressed, instant, dehydrated or otherwise, is inferred, interned, chauffeured or bean curd. Thank you.
Possible Explanations for almost deadly Gulf Earthquake
September 10, 2006
At 8:56 a.m. Sunday, or 14:56:07 Coordinated Universal Time, which I think is only observed on Neptune, in certain offices at the United Nations, and in parts of Iowa, a maginitude 6.0 earthquake jiggledjimmiedrattled shook the Gulf of Mexico. Thankfully there are no reports of any injuries, damage, or tsunamis. In fact, the quake was not sufficient enough to even warrant a tsunami warming, watch, or panic.
The USGS site has a number of maps, including a link to a Google Map, so you can see exactly where this happened. Reuters has a good story here (albeit sans photos.) People in Georgia, Alabama, Florida and Louisiana felt the quake, and some actually Experienced Vibrating Buildings.
While this could be a completely natural event, there are also other - more serious - possibilities:
1. The Japanese Mafia, defeated by their ancient rival El Niño, have given up on the hurricane machine altogether, and have just scored a Russian-Made Cold War Era Earthquake Machine from eBay.
2. After drilling down 20,000 feet, Chevron broke through to the hollow center of the earth, and it's only a matter of days before the planet implodes.
3. As everyone knows, there is always a magnitude 6.0 quake before Godzilla appears and unleashes havoc on some coastal community.
I'm betting on... 3. Someone should notify Tampa that a Severe Giant Radioactive Lizard Watch is in effect.
I learned of Steve Irwin's death from an overheard cellphone conversation on Sunday. I was walking by someone in a parking lot and heard that he had been killed - I wasn't sure how at that point, but I gathered it had involved some sort of animal. I was saddened to hear of his passing. My first thought was for his children who would grow up without having their father. But I was also saddened because it felt like a great loss. Steve Irwin seemed invincible. I'm sure we all thought because he put himself at risk that an accident might occur - but those thoughts were easy to dismiss, because there wasn't a venomous snake, charging rhino or toothy croc that could fell our hero.
And that's what really strikes me about Steve Irwin - he transcended celebrity to become something much more: a modern hero. He was fearless, certainly - I can't imagine doing a fraction of the things he did - but that wasn't what made him a hero. It was his passion, his irrepressible joy on constant display and his larger-than-life enthusiasm for his work that made him a hero. He was truly incorrigible, and we loved him for that.
He will be missed.
I've seen a number of Steve Irwin clips in the last 48 hours, but this is probably my favorite so far. Enjoy.
I almost blogged about this a few days ago, but didn't and now have no real proof of my omnipotence other than my word which I guess should be good enough. It's about "The Scream" which is alternately a famous painting and something that is done in our house when a spider appears, no matter HOW TINY THE SPIDER IS. I mean, it can be really really small and there's still a scream like someone lost a limb and "Carl! Carl! QUICK! QUICKQUICKQUICK HURRY!!" I of course Run Like The Wind and am very disappointed that there are no lost limbs, or pirates boarding our home, or a bear digging in our trash. It's just a little tiny spider, which is running away quickly because someone just screamed at it.
But this post is about the first kind of scream, which is "The Scream." "The Scream" is a fairly well-known painting (see right), if you're into that sort of thing, which was stolen two years ago in a "brazen daytime robbery," so called because they stole a painting of a guy screaming and it doesn't get much more brazen than that. I guess that's not fair: the painting is well-known because it touches something deep within all of us, something fundamentally human and primal. The need to scream. This need happens every day for different reasons:
• Someone is standing outside in the dark reporting on a tropical system and it's not even raining
• You just got your paycheck
• You just got your cellphone bill right after getting your paycheck
• You just got cheese on your hamburger
I could go on, but you get the idea. When I look at "The Scream" I see myself after driving all the way to Disney. That's Hades, ancient mythological God of the Long-Distance Drive, in the background, along with his lackey "I Have to Go to the Bathroom."
So why is all of this news? Well "The Scream", which to recap is a famous painting that was brazenly stolen, has been recovered. It was recovered by Norwegian police who in my book are highly underrated. When was the last time you heard a Norwegian Police story? Exactly. Here are the details on the recovery.
So why was I planning on writing about this? Well, because I saw this page that details Mars' plan to give 2 Million M&M'S® Dark Chocolate Candies for the return of the painting.
Now you tell me - Mars offers 2 Million M&M'S and less than 10 days later the painting turns up?
Hmm.
I would tell you what I really think about this, but judging from all of the screaming either Bigfoot is rooting around in our trash or there's a spider to deal with.
I was looking through a swim wear magazine that arrived today and thought that a photo I saw - of an unusually svelt BABO® - looked completely out of place. So I checked online, and found a photo of BABO® from just a few days ago:
BABO® on the left as he appeared in the recent motion picture "Invincible"; BABO® on the right as he appeared in a September issue of Swim Wear! a swim suit catalog.
I'm not positive, but I think some Photoshop hijinks are going on here.
I don't usually write about celebrities or their travails, but I find this interesting because of the graphic design angle. There's a bit of (digital) hay being made of a photo of Katie Couric that was altered to make her appear a bit slimmer. TVNewser, a media blog, broke the story via an Alert Reader tip, and it has made the rounds. Here are the photos in question:
Katie on the left as she appeared in May at Carnegie Hall; Katie on the right as she appeared in a September issue of Watch!, a CBS magazine. Photo source: TVNewser
I laid the new photo on top of the old to give you an idea of what was "trimmed," although it's hard to see the face:
New photo laid on top of old photo and opacity set to 50%.
The curious thing about this story is that it's been blamed on attributed to the CBS press department. According to the NY Post, a CBS spokesman said:
"The picture was retouched without the knowledge of Ms. Couric or CBS News management."
Gil Schwartz, executive vice president of communications for CBS Corp., said Wednesday in a phone interview the photo alteration was done by someone in the CBS photo department who "got a little zealous."
I've done some work with Photoshop. I've even touched up a few photos in the past (mostly removing U.F.O.s from pictures on behalf of the government) and while I'm the first person to admit I'm not very good at it, this sort of work is very time consuming. (Just look again at the two photos - her waistline and face. This is great work!) If I was working in the CBS photo department/press department, and a photo came down the pike of Ms. Couric, I probably would not volunteer to alter it so drastically. I'd likely have ten other things that need to get done yesterday. But if CBS is to be believed, someone got the photo, started messing with the contrast and just went wild. Seems unlikely to me.
I do feel a little badly for Ms. Couric; can you imagine the stress and weight (sorry, no pun intended) of taking this new anchoring job, only to discover that your employer thinks you need to be "photoshopped" because you don't look a certain way? That's tough.
As many of you know I live in Pennsylvania, the "Limestone State," named after the composition of many lawns here. This year we have a huge election decision facing us: whether to allow Native Americans to create floating private schools that would funnel part of their tuition fees into the gambling industry, which in turn supports senior citizens. I'm firmly on record as supporting option "B".
There's another decision facing us though, a decision about whether to re-elect a well-known Senator or to send someone new to Washington. This is a "high-profile" contest, meaning that everyone on earth is supposed to know all of the intimate details and to care very deeply about the outcome. But ultimately it is the Pennsylvanian who has to suffer through the campaign ads EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL BREAK. And it's still August. (For the politically inept in the audience the election is held every year on "Black Friday" which was named by the media companies who end up "in the black" because of the untold millions they've reaped from selling space for political advertising.)
The thing that really bothers me about campaign ads is that you have no idea what to believe. Every ad seems totally over the top. For example, I "screen-captured" this ad on television just tonight. I was watching TV for all of the John Mark Karr commercial spots in between the campaign ad show that was on.
So, NOW what do I do? I certainly don't want anyone in office spending my tax dollars to pave the Amazon rainforest, particularly if I'm not going to get to dine in any of the new-fangled restaurants they build there. But these claims seem a bit...exaggerated. Could they be false?* I just can't tell sometimes.
I suppose I can make it to Black Friday, when I get to go down to my Polling Place and throw my Bag of Chads into my Politician of Choice's Basket. And choose option "B" on the Floating Schools for Senior Citizens Issue.
It's my duty as an informed voter.
*Okay, I made that up. And that guy is a stock photo man from istockphoto.com who, as far as I know, loves the Amazon rainforest and all of the little creatures therein, and has very svelt, vegetarian children and would make a wonderful Senator whom I would vote for if he would just run. Any resemblance to an old me is strictly in the mind of the reader.
First I want to let everyone know up front that I can not type "almanac" without a great deal of effort. Whenever I have to type that word it almost always ends up "alamanac." So, you were warned.
The FA (Farmers' Alamanac Almanac) is predicting a much colder than normal winter from "coast to coast." I happen to have an advance copy of the Farmer's Alamanc Almanac (sigh) and I have to say that cold will be the least of our worries. Not only is it expected to be colder than normal, which will cause the usual winter headaches of high fuel costs and snowy weather, but there's also expected to be an increase in: Nor'easters, Bigfoots (Bigfeet), Alien Abductions (particularly in the Southeast), Earthquakes and - most disturbing of all - political attack ads.
But at least now you have some advance warning. Take the usual precautions - buy lots of dried goods and have a fully stocked pantry, get plywood to board up your windows, make sure your friends and family have your cell number in case you "disappear" and above all, unplug the TV and put it on the porch until November 8.
(You may want to dress it in a coat before doing so - it's expected to be cold.)
I've been thinking about 9/11, given the five year anniversary is almost here. I can remember the entire morning very vividly - probably the way many people recall the day Kennedy was assassinated. To be honest it still makes me a little nauseated when I think about it. It's kind of like that feeling I get when I have to speak in front of an audience, which happens rarely now because it causes my brain to melt and my doctor said that brain melting is bad for you.
Anyway, I spent a little time playing with the Way Back Machine to see what sort of 9/11 archives they have. I found quite a few. This should take many of you back, so to speak:
Graphics seem to be spotty; but the copy on these pages is fascinating. If you find something you want to share that I didn't see leave a comment or drop me a note.
In addition, the Newseum has 110 9/11/ newspaper front pages from 20 countries - you can find their archive here. Use the "view more pages" button to see all of them, and click on an entry to get a larger version. (My award for "Best Headline" would probably go to the San Francisco Examiner, but I'm grumpy that way.)
Feel free to leave comments about 9/11, where you were the moment you heard, or any other recollections.
Pictured at right (in this photo from and copyright by puppypurse.com) is a very suave male model waving at some folks. These folks are no doubt giggling and pointing and whispering to themselves. Why? Because he's a suave male model? No. Because he's waving? No. Look again. It's because he's WEARING A DOG.
When I first stumbled across this I thought it was a Faux Dog. I know, I'm an idiot that way. I thought it was a Faux Dog because it never occurred to me that someone would want to WEAR A DOG. So I thought this was some sort of Dog-Shaped Bag, or Purse, or something. You know, a purse shaped like a dog. You would carry it around, people would say "Oh how cute!" and you would beam, and open the purse and show them your wallet, change, cell phone and taco sauce packets. (What? Oh, well forget that last one then.)
"Take your best friend wherever you go in open-air comfort and pampered elegance with the Original PuppyPurse Carrier System. This versatile puppy purse pet carrier is lightweight, adjustable, and supportive, minimizing the stresses on your body while maximizing your ability to interact with your dog or cat."
So the idea here is that you can take your pet with you when you go out and about, whether to the grocery store, on a walk through the park, to a Bon Jovi concert or just to get some more taco sauce packets. (What? Oh, well forget that last one then.) So now not only will you have your pet with you, but you will be able to maximize your interaction with your pet.
There's not much more here I can say. Okay, I made that up. Take a look at the website when you get a chance - it's extremely humorous, at least to me. (And that's probably unintended.) In particular check item 4 on this page:
"Our straps are removable and every PuppyPurse comes with a set of tote handles for carrying your dog by hand."
By now many of you are no doubt asking, "How much?!" because you want to get one right now, or at least put it on your Christmas Wishlist. Well, I won't ruin the fun - browse through the shopping area for more great pictures and to check prices. I will leave you with this last item: The Original PuppyPurse Pet Carry System apparently comes in size "XXL." This made me giggle uncontrollably for at least three minutes. I kept picturing a suave male model window-shopping with his St. Bernard all strapped in.
Like the ending of an episode of "Murder, She Wrote" JonBenet Murder Suspect John Mark Karr apparently confessed to the crime minutes after being apprehended. He maintains that the death was an "accident," something that happened during a botched kidnapping attempt. It's hard to understand how someone is accidently beaten and strangled to death. About the only thing that IS certain is that Jessica Fletcher would have solved the case faster than the Boulder Police Department.
I'm going to go way out on a limb here and suggest that the one of the reasons that this case became so infamous was because of JonBenet's pageant work. I know when I saw all of that, I was horrified. Should small children be "made-up" to look like adults and compete in beauty pageants? I grieve a little every time I see young kids who are dressed or wearing make-up beyond their years. There's plenty of time to be an adult later; they ought to be enjoying being kids while they have the chance. And there's always the risk that kids who try to look older than their years will become a traget for predators.
Or as John Mark Karr, who was 31 when JonBenet was killed at age 6, apparently related to Thai authorities:
"He said he loved this child, that he was in love her. He said she was very pretty, a pageant queen. She was the school star, she was very cute and sweet."
UPDATE: Here's an interesting story that says the ex-wife of Karr claims she was with him during the crime. If true - that would mean that he's confessed to a crime he didn't commit? Why would a person do that? A very weird story gets a little weirder, in my opinion. There will probably be wall-to-wall media coverage of this for weeks, if not months.
I suppose I shouldn't read anything into this, but my dander is up and I can't reach it and it's stuck on the ceiling and I can't do much about it. But the thought of putting a kid into a shopping cart and turning on a television to keep them sedate sounds like something out of a sci-fi horror novel. Why not just build a compartment you can stick the child in after gagging them?
We feed our kids outrageous amounts of caffeine and sugar, and then abdicate all parental responsibility to train, teach and discipline them, and our solution to behavior problems is TELEVISION?
Wow. I really, really think that the time has come for...oh wait Survivor IX is on gotta run.
"Critical Habitat" for Orcs Leaves Pockets of Vulnerability, Critics Say
Mostly because I didn't think we had critical habitats for Orcs. Or that there would be people who are concerned about Orcs being vulnerable. But...then I realized that it said "Orcas" not "Orcs" and I had just read it wrong. Now I'm not really interested in the article. I mean, Orcas are nice and all, don't get me wrong.
You can read about the Orcas (not the Orcs) here: link
See! It's dangerous out there. Luckily I'm in the midst of a serious Lawn Pox and don't need to send my 12-year-old out to mow. But, just so you know, before he's sent out to mow we put him in a special suit made from garbage bags, sand, and Duck® duct tape.
Basically, we fill garbage bags full of sand and then Duck® duct tape them to his body. We can't do this to his eyes or hands, since if we covered his eyes he wouldn't be able to see and would wander into a prickly bush somewhere in the country, and if we covered his hands he wouldn't be able to steer the mower so well.
So he has to wear the welder's goggles and the chain mail gloves.
Boy, is he a sight! We usually guffaw and chortle when he mows the lawn. On the downside, it takes in eight hours. On the upside, he's completely protected and impervious to harm. We know this to be true because about two weeks ago he was mowing and his welder's goggles jiggled free and he couldn't see for a few minutes and wandered into a prickly bush, and then into an open-pit-barbeque and then in front of a speeding RV, and there wasn't a scratch on him.
Yet another doctored Reuters photo by freelancer Adnan Hajj has been identified. Alert Bloggers around the "Blogosphere" noted some strange artifacts in this photo:
Smoke billows from burning buildings destroyed during an overnight assault by Zionist Puppet BABO™ on Beirut’s suburbs August 5, 2006. Many buildings were completely flattened during the stomping by the great Israeli Beast. REUTERS/Adnan Hajj
Apparently the tip-off here was that the smoke in the upper-left-hand corner has a repeating circle-like pattern in it. It's hard to see. Also, some of the smoke on the right side may be doctored as well. This is apparently easy to do with a computer program called "Photoshop."
This post is dedicated to Alert Reader Susan, who can spot a typo at sixty paces, and Alert Reader Beth, who I understand is not an English Teacher.
This post covers a story that goes something like this:
Once upon a time, in the far-away make-believe land of "Canada," there lived a communications company belonging to the good knight Rogers (Rogers Communications Inc.) The good knight Rogers decided that it would be a wise and prosperous thing to create a network of towers (utility poles) that could signal each other with magical pigeons (cable lines) so that the townspeople could talk one unto another with great ease and speed, if not without much pigeon doo-doo. So the good knight Rogers went unto the King's Wizard Aliant (Aliant, Inc.) and arranged for him to create these magical pigeons (cable lines) on these towers (utility poles.) And both parties agreed, and said it was good, and drew up an official scroll (contract) that described the arrangement.
This wouldn't be much of a story if Rogers got his pigeons operational without any problems, would it? Of course not. As with all such things, there was a Hitch. Aliant decided that they would cancel the contract immediately and raise the per pole price. Rogers was dumbfounded - they had a contract after all - but then Aliant explained that because of an errant comma the contract didn't mean what they thought it meant.
The net effect? It appears that Rogers will have to pay an extra $2.13 million for its towers. I mean, utility poles.
All because of a comma. Now THAT is a neat magic trick. Puncstidigitation?
Update: This post seemingly self-destructed in movable type. I'm not sure what happened, but I was unable to edit it and I lost the comments as well. I have to remake it from scratch. Sorry for the inconvenience - I'll be sending everyone a refund :)
"I get paid $500,000 dollars to go to Las Vegas or Japan and wave at crowds or go to a party. All the time. Only this week I met a family at the airport who wanted me to drop in to their daughter's 16th birthday party for $100,000 dollars. Because I'm her idol. So I will. I'll take her a present, though."
Can you guess who said this? (It wasn't "Margusity*") And wouldn't you just love to know who would pay this person $100,000 to appear at their daughter's 16th birthday party? Just amazing.
Bog, not blog - National Geographic News has a neat article about a construction worker in Ireland who dug up a thousand-year-old leather-bound Book of Psalms. Experts are hailing it as a "staggering" find. The exact location in Ireland is being withheld so that the appropriate experts can thoroughly examine the area. You can read the article here.
An interesting footnote - it's claimed that the book was found open to Psalm 83. That particular Psalm talks about the destruction of Israel. "With one mind they plot together; they form an alliance against you..." This is pretty eerie given what's occurring in the Middle East. At first I was inclined to think that someone was trying to be clever, but the text is in Latin. (Full disclosure: I'm not a member of the "flip-the-Bible-open-to-a-random-page-to-divine-the-future club. But I love reading it.)
If anyone sees anything else on this story, please drop me a note or comment. I love this sort of thing, and spend most of my days wondering why I can't dig up ancient texts, pottery shards or Aztec gold in my backyard.
Postscript: This may be a really dumb question (I know, that's never stopped me before) but what is with the picture accompanying that article? The picture looks like the book in question, discovered in the mud, but the article states that it was found open to a specific page, and the book in the picture is not. Also, it's more than likely that the construction worker who dug it up would have walked over and picked it up. I know, I think about these things too much.
Post-Postscript: Interesting update on the Open Page Story here. You can find Psalm 84 here. Verse 6 refers to the "Valley of Baca" and the word baca is often times translated as weeping.
Post-Post-Postscript: (I KNEW I shouldn't have used "postscript". Sigh. An update here by the NG. It's curious that before there was a prediction of doom, but now there's not, even though the last I checked BOTH Psalm 83 and 84 are still in the Bible.)
Carriel Louah decided that she would surprise her mother on her mother's special day, her birthday. So far, so good. Visiting your mom on her birthday is a very cool thing to do. You mom was there for you a long time - maybe 18 solid years and then during summers, occasional phone calls, maybe college graduation. As a father, I've seen a woman bring two children into this world. It's not pretty. It involves a lot of agony, screaming, trips to Baskin-Robbins, and that's just the pregnancy.
This could be the end of Ms. Louah's story, except that I'm writing about it here so you know that it's about to get bizarre. The very next morning (the birthday was January 14, 2005, so this would have been January 15, 2005) Ms. Louah stepped outside and slipped on an icy driveway, breaking her ankle and injuring her leg. The mother, Wendi Reichling, wrote an apology letter to Ms. Louah her daughter months later that contained an admission: her husband "should have fixed that damn (gutter) years ago. We have learned we have to take better care of our sidewalks."
So now, Ms. Louah has an attorney and is suing for more than $75,000 for medical bills and lost wages.
Question of the Day
Would you sue your mom if you slipped in her driveway? Leave a comment. And do you think this is pretty straight-forward, or perhaps some sort of ploy to get at an insurance company somewhere?
Thanks to the Alert Readers who sent in updates on this story. It appears that prosecutors have reached an agreement with Katherine Lester, the girl who flew to the Mideast to meet her MySpace "buddy." The AP reports that Ms. Lester has to surrender her passport, go through counseling and cannot leave the state without written consent from her parents or a court order. She's 17 now, so I suppose this only applies for one year, at which point she'll be free to do whatever she wants. And apparently that will involve a trip back to the Mideast, as she recently declared her love for Abdullah Jimzawi during ABC.s "Good Morning America." She intends to marry him.
Reading between the lines of the AP article, I see that Ms. Lester is now living with her father Terry. The father has also said that this episode reveals not only the pitfalls of the Internet, but of having poor communication with the family. I'd say so.
I went grocery shopping last night. I normallydon't grocery shop, because frankly I'm not very good at it. There are too many decisions that need to be made at the grocery store, and making decisions creates Brain Fatigue. And the last thing you want is a fatigued brain.
But last night I decided I would just throw caution to the wind and shop. I even went while hungry, which is something they tell you never to do because you look at everything with your stomach instead of your eyes. Things like "Gigantic Three-Meat Bun Length Hot Dogs" actually sound appealing. As a result they say you're more likely to buy things you normally wouldn't even feed your pet. (I'm not sure who "they" are but "they" know these things and should never be crossed.)
So there I am, running amok in the grocery store buying whatever I feel like (I got TWO packages of Gigantic Three-Meat Bun Length Hot Dogs) when I come to the brownie aisle.
I knew before I even got to the brownie aisle that I would just crack and buy a box of brownie mix. See, if you buy the brownie mix there's always the chance you won't actually make the brownies - that the brownie fever™ will leave you before you have a chance to mix the stuff up. (As compared to just buying pre-made Grocery Store Brownies™, which aren't as good but require no mixing.)
In addition to deciding I would just crack and get brownie mix, I knew that I wanted regular brownies. Just plain, ordinary brownies. Chocolate brownies. You know the ones. They went completely out of style back in the early 90s. I must have spent ten minutes trying to find a box of brownies. (See, this is the "I'm not very good at it" part.) I found "Double Chocolate." Then I found "Triple Chocolate." Then I found "Chocolate Lover's." "Fudge." "Chewy Fudge." "Really Chewy Double Chocolate Chunk o' Chocolate Fudge Brownies." "Turtle."
(Turtle?)
I found a bunch of brownie mixes that had stuff in them. Chocolate chips. Chocolate chunks. M&M's®. Peanut Butter Cup®. Nestlé® Butterfinger® Pieces. Gigantic Three-Meat Bun Length Hot Dog Pieces.
I almost (ALMOST) went to customer service to ask if anyone made regular brownies anymore. But that would be...well, too embarrassing. In fact, as people went by I would pick up a box of brownie mix and pretend to be looking it over intently, all while mumbling to myself "Hmmmm, yes, enriched wheat flour, very nice..." My patience and fear of being mocked paid off, however, as I finally found a regular box. It was on the top shelf, in the back. It was behind the hot dog buns.
So it's regular brownies, on me! Just as soon as my brain gets unfatigued and I have the strength to mix them up.
Would love to hear people's thoughts on this. I would comment, but it might sway the responses. That, and four billion brain cells spontaneously combusted when I read the article.
Doesn't that sound like the SUV was empty, and just decided to go on a killing rampage all by itself? Does anyone out there with an SUV have experience with them doing their own thing?
Thanks, Mr. Creates Insanely Difficult to Open Packaging Man
May 31, 2006
Does anyone know what is going on with the plastic packaging thing? Just about everything I buy now is hermetically sealed in two inch thick plastic. This is being done for one of three reasons, that I can see:
1. Manufacturers know that eventually some of their packages will spill out of the cargo ship and so need to withstand the pressures of life at 50,000 feet below sea level
2. Manufacturers are just being cautious; you never know when anthrax might somehow get into one of those things
3. Manufacturers are trying to kill their customers
Although it's a tough call, I'm pretty sure it's option three. That's my educated guess because every time I try to open one of these packages I end up cutting an artery and almost bleeding to death. It doesn't matter how careful I am, or what sort of tool I'm using ("hacksaw," "blow torch") since it always happens. I thought for a minute that it might be me since I'm not exactly "gifted" in the use of tools, be they hacksaws or blow torches. But then I read this article, courtesy Consumer Reports, and I realized I wasn't alone.
Today's the anniversary of the telegraph message sent by Samuel Morse in the Supreme Court room in Washington, D.C. to his assistant Alfred Vail in Baltimore, MD. It was sent on May 24, 1844.
For an extra 1,000 blog points*, do you know what message he sent?
A quick news quiz: Which of the following, when being yelled while digging in your backpack at the airport, will have you facing disturbance charges and get you sent to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation?
A. "This headache has Excedrin written ALL OVER IT!"
B. "Ten Dollars for a hot dog? That's OUTRAGEOUS!"
C. "It's time to die!"
Link. Apparently an oil pipeline ruptured, spilling oil outside of Lagos, Nigeria. Villagers there flocked to the site of the spill to scoop up oil. Unfortunately there was an explosion, and the linked report says up to 200 may have died. Just horrible.
UPDATE 3:CTV.ca reports "Vandals were reportedly tapping into the pipeline to steal oil when it erupted, setting fire to hundreds of jerry cans full of oil."
UPDATE 4: 150-200 dead; this article says "Most of the victims were probably members of a skilled petrol-theft gang..." I'm not sure I would have used the word "skilled."
"U.S. crude and gasoline futures ended sharply higher on Thursday as kidnappings in Nigeria and refinery snags in the United States stoked supply worries even though inventories rose last week."
Ronald Bergeron, a Multimillionaire Real Estate Tycoon and a quite Daring Fellow, owns a 5,000 acre nature preserve wherein he decided that he would liven up a tour he was giving to visitors by... riding an alligator. Clearly, he was in his male Super Hero state. (Alligator Riding Man)
So...how do you think this ended:
1. Ronald rode the alligator around the pond three times, disembarked, patted its head and said, "Good Boy."
2. Ronald rode the alligator around the pond three times, to a cacophony of "oohs" and "ahhs" and then thunderous applause.
3. The alligator grabbed Ronald by the hand and dragged him into the water.
At least, that's what Salary.com thinks, based on the types of tasks moms perform such as janitor, cook, day care, and putting up with whiny husbands, particularly when they are sick. You can find a CNN Money article here.
Fourteen-year-old Paris Solis was arrested and charged with malicious land burning. Paris, along with now identified Jorge Puig, 10, and Russell Walker, 12, are thought to have started one of the fires that helped burn 1,800 acres and is only 80% contained. Previous entry here.
A downed power line is thought to have ignited a fire on Tussey Mountain, which is relatively close to the Schaad Hacienda. Here's a shot of the mountain in question from my front porch:
You can smell the smoke in the air, but it really depends where you are. I was closer to the fire after work and didn't smell a thing, but when I left the AccuWeather Global Headquarters Building it was intense and I got a massive headache immediately. Here's an article from the local paper. And here's the local fire company.
Two boys - 10 and 12 - have been arrested and charged with a third-degree felony, "intentional and reckless burning of land." The fires have destroyed at least nine homes and two fire trucks.
The articles I quoted don't mention the boys names. I assume that's because their age. It's odd to think they're old enough to commit these acts, and old enough to be charged with a felony, but not old enough for them to be named. The articles I've seen don't mention any fire details or a motive (i.e. were they "playing around" or intentionally burning things?) If anyone sees anything on this please leave a comment.
The fire is about 75% contained as of Sunday, although winds today could cause problems.
Apparently that's the approximate cost of William Mathew Rupp's "reckless mowing." Rupp was warned three times not to mow his lawn because of extremely hot and dry conditions. (It was reportedly 106 degrees when he mowed.) The blade of his lawn mower hit a rock, which caused a spark that grew into a fire that destroyed 80 homes and cost $7 million in property loss, $7.5 million in damage to timber, and $10 million in fight-fighting.
The question I have, which is not covered in any of the articles I've seen, is "Who mows their lawn when it's 106 degrees?" Granted, we all hate to have tall grass, but if I have ANY excuse not to mow I'm all over it. And 106 degrees would count for at least three excuses, maybe four. Toss in drought conditions and I'm sitting in my air-conditioned house having a lemonade, not out riding around on my mower.
That's the headline of this article, which tries to tell us that females are faster than males at timed tasks. However... it turns out that the article in question fails to mention a few important issues with the study.
First, the subject's time was measured from the beginning of the task to the end of the task, using very narrow definitions of each task. You'll see in a minute how this made a huge difference.
Second, the tasks chosen did demonstrate a female bias. I know this may be highly subjective. I'll present some of the tasks and let you, the Alert Reader, make your own decision. This is not an exhaustive list; just some of the things that stood out to me.
1. Brushing Teeth
Females: 5 minutes | Males: 2 hours
Normally you wouldn't see this sort of difference with such a simple task. However, the timing for all tasks ends automatically at 2 hours. It turns out that this task would not end unless the cap was put back on the toothpaste. As such, the men never technically completed their task, putting them 115 minutes behind the ladies.
2. Successfully Purchase "Tomato Paste" From The Grocery Store
Females: 10 minutes | Males: 1 hour 47 minutes
This was another fundamentally unfair task. Most men never got out of the grocery store, and in fact are still there milling around in the bread aisle, completely lost and unsure of what day it is. The few that did manage to locate "Tomato Paste" only did so after about an hour. In 82% of the cases where the male found the "Tomato Paste" it was because a store clerk eventually saw the lost male and directed them to the right location.
3. Apply Cream Rouge Make-up
Females: 51 seconds | Males: 2 hours
No male was willing to apply Cream Rouge Make-up, not even for science.
4. Watch a Television Program
Females: 1 hour | Males: 2 hours
Women were able to sit down, immediately select a program (usually American Idol) and watch it. Men, on the other hand, were physically unable to stay on any single program for more than nine minutes, and as such never completed the task. They did manage to watch parts of over ninety-four different programs. The longest any program was watched was a high-speed traffic chase in Los Angeles on FOXNews at 8 minutes, 12 seconds.
There's more, like calculating how many cups are in a quart, or replacing the roll of toilet paper, but I think you get the idea. Just remember - you never know how these studies are conducted...
The movie is coming. Some people are saying it's "too soon," while others are saying it's an important film and people need to see it. Where do you weigh in? Are you planning on seeing it? I think I'm going to pass; the actual events are still burned into my mind and it makes me ill just thinking about what probably went on in those planes.
Feel free to leave a comment about the movie, I'm curious to hear what people think.
Apparently the Berita Harian newspaper in Malaysia claimed that a young Bigfoot has been captured by the Wildlife and National Parks Department near Kota Tinggi in Malaysia. You can read about it here. Of course, Malaysian Wildlife Officials (MWOs) are denying this. But really, if YOU caught a baby Bigfoot would you tell anyone? No. Exactly.
I was curious about this whole baby Bigfoot thing, so I did some research. These beasts are huge! Here's a size comparison:
As you can see, the baby Bigfoots (Bigfeet) are still quite impressive at 10' tall. More than a match for most MWOs, even the more wily ones. Still, a well placed tranquilizer dart or twenty could do the job.
So why am I so sure the MWOs actually bagged a baby Bigfoot? Well, this story from the New Straits Times Online talked about the Johor Government making it illegal to transport a Bigfoot out of state. Coincidence? Ha!
There's an interesting article in the New York Times here (may require free registration, I forget) about the strain Texans are feeling, caring for the thousands of evacuees of Hurricane Katrina seven months later. There's been a dramatic rise in the murder rate (the article quotes 30%, 2/3rds of which involved Katrina evacuees as victims or perpetrators) and Texas' own hurricane - Rita - has been lost in the shuffle.
I've heard this thing referred to as "compassion fatigue" - that people's capacity for caring, supporting and providing for others is not inexhaustible. I feel terrible for Rita's victims whose plight is going almost completely unnoticed. If Katrina had not happened, and Rita still had - it certainly would be a different story.
And that brings me to my concern that this year we could have a few more serious hurricane hits - and the victims of '04 and '05 will be forgotten again.
Alert Reader Chris sent in a "Giant Block of Falling Ice" story. I had discussed the Falling Ice Phenomenon here before. Suspiciously, Barry Manilow again was not found to be anywhere near the incident. But UFO sightings in the Loma Linda area were up 14000%.
That's the sound of my bank account weeping and rending its garments. It's the collective sighing of thousands of gas station attendants who have to fish out the number "3" to put up on their signs. It's the sound of millions of voices suddenly crying out in terror and then suddenly silenced.
There's entirely too much speculation in the oil market. I can see speculating about the price of gold. I don't need gold to go to work, heat my home or travel to Disney World. But oil? Hmph.
This is one of the weirder weather stories I've read, and I've read quite a few weird weather stories. Apparently a film crew for the Weather Channel was arrested for trespassing. Article here.
What do you think? I don't want to draw conclusions based on the article - there could be a completely rational explanation. The way it reads though they were maybe too aggressive in their pursuit of the story.
On the upside, the gentleman on the photo on the article page had the good sense to look happy when he got his mug shot taken. A dour looking Weather Channel employee would have been even worse press.
I'm going out on a limb here and predict that the vast majority of people involved in this plan are male. There are few things more male than taking an "SUV-sized impactor probe" and hurtling it towards the surface of the moon at 5,600 miles per hour. While this is disguised as science, it's obviously an attempt to raise the battered morale at NASA, which has seen its share of missteps lately. In fact, the discussion at the morale office probably went like this:
Morale Officer 1: Well, the guys are pretty beat down. What should we do?
Morale Officer 2: They've been asking to crash something on the moon for 30 years. How about that?
Morale Officer 1: Okay.
Apparently you'll be able to see the impact from Earth, which is intentionally designed to make all other males jealous, as in "Dang, they got to crash a rocket on the moon." I predict aerospace engineering schools around the country will see an uptick in business.
Yes you heard that right. Construction crews working on an Everglades restoration project dug up the bones April 1. (Pause to let that sink in.) But no, it's apparently not some sort of a joke or prank, it's the REAL DEAL. What exactly happens when you unearth a Giant Sloth bone? Does someone call out, "Giant Sloth Bone!" and then everyone stops digging and stares for a while to let the enormity of the situation sink in?
I didn't even know there were sloths the size of elephants. How do you go through a decade and a half of schooling and not pick that up? I did a search for "giant sloth" and the first site returned was this one. I wouldn't put too much stock in it, based solely on the URL, but it says that (maybe) Giant Sloths were still around in the 1800s and were bullet-proof. They also shot hypnotizing ray beams from their eyes. Okay it doesn't say that but, you know, that's pretty much understood.
You can find the article about the bones here. If anyone out there has dug up a Giant Sloth before, or knows someone who has, put a note in the comments. Thanks!
No, not about the blog. Not even about Henry's snowblower (Hi Henry!) No, there have been 60,000 complaints a month registered against contractors in the New Orleans area since Hurricane Katrina. I did a little math (yes, it was painful) and that's about 2,000 complaints a day, or 83 every hour (assuming the complaint line is open 24 hours a day - some people just can't sleep at night knowing those contractors are out there) or a complaint every 1.3 minutes. Man that seems like a lot.
I covered this story in my alter ego, I believe - about a gentleman who fell down a flight of steps and smash a number of museum pieces. This occurred at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge. The vases were estimated to be worth £75,000, which in U.S. money is about $19.95. (kidding!)
I remember thinking at the time, "How clumsy can a human being possibly be?" (Inspector Clouseau given a pass here.) Well it turns out that three months later police have arrested Clouseau Vase-Smasher Nick Flynn on suspicion of "criminal damage." Article here.
Police aren't saying why they think it was a deliberate act. The whole thing is just bizarre. Either this guy is just that clumsy (hey, we all trip right? Just not on £75,000 worth of Qing vases) OR he went to the museum looking to break something. I'm curious to see how this one turns out...
The only reason I'm writing about this is because I wanted to write the headline "Baker to hit Petaflop in '08." It sounds like some sort of political campaign platform, doesn't it? But, sadly, no. Baker is the code name for a computer system in development by Cray, Inc. The computer won't be done until 2008, but it's expected to break the petaflop barrier - 1 quadrllion floating-point operations per second for those keeping score at home. That's quadrillion with a Q. (Note to Alert Reader and Typo Pro Susan: I found the typo in the source article! And now, after noting this, I'm sure there will be several of my own in this post.)
In any event - just try to wrap your brain around 1 quadrillion floating-point operations in a second. A second is like...this. This. Th. Th. T. That's a second. T. And a quadrillion is 1,000,000,000,000,000. It comes after trillion, so this is a very timely discussion since we'll need to familiarize ourselves with quadrillions soon to discuss the national debt.
Of course, if all of these numbers aren't dizzying enough, here are two more items to consider. First, the Japanese announced back in 2005 that they're working on a computer that will do 10 petaflops. It would be done by 2011. And second, how fast is the human brain? While it's hard to really estimate, some folks put it around...yes, you guessed it, 10 petaflops.
Pretty soon humans will never beat computers at chess. And hopefully that will be the extent of any problms.
TIME Magazine Covers. Left: 01/31/77 (Art Shay) Right: 04/03/06 (Photo by ARCTICNET--NCE) Copyright TIME Magazine, courtesy the TIME Archive
A little bird told me that you could find all of the TIME Magazine covers on their site. You can also find article snippets and other goodies. Above are two covers of the magazine dealing with the weather. And here are the excerpts from the cover stories:
January 31, 1977Why had the rain turned white? Startled millionaires wintering in their baronial mansions in West Palm Beach, Fla., peered closer last week at the miracle that was falling from the skies and discovered-could it be?-yes, the substance was snow, the first ever reported there. Since mid-November, pedestrians in Dallas, unaccustomed to such hazards, have been slipping on sleet-slicked sidewalks. Meanwhile, a series of blizzards has smothered Buffalo this winter with an astonishing 126.6 in. of snow. From the Dakotas and Minnesota, across the icy Great Lakes of the Middle West and down the...
April 3, 2006Polar Ice Caps Are Melting Faster Than Ever... More And More Land Is Being Devastated By Drought... Rising Waters Are Drowning Low-Lying Communities... By Any Measure, Earth Is At ... The Tipping Point
Now I am NOT trying to say anything. Not at all. It's just when I woke up this morning I wanted to use the word "juxtaposition" and when this opportunity came up - well, I seized it. I think this is a cool juxtaposition. There, I can cross that off my list for today.
The Earth has finally struck back, launching its first attack in what will be a long, drawn out battle to solve the Global Warming Crisis once and for all.
Scary story here. (Note: Includes picture that is not for the faint of heart.)
A ginormous iceberg, code-named D-16, has freed itself from an island near Antarctica and is headed straight for New Orleans, scientists said Monday.
The iceberg, which is being described as "ginormous," "huge," and "not too shabby," is moving due north at .02 miles per hour. While scientists are certain that it's headed straight for New Orleans, these same scientists are also pretty certain that global warming will have long since killed all of us before D-16 makes it to the city limits.
"We're pretty certain it will take a long time to get here," an unnamed scientist remarked. "Based on it's current speed, it will be here around October 12, 2114. Global warming will likely melt it long before then. Global Warming will also have melted everything else as well, putting New Orleans under 23 feet of water."
Scientists are not sure why D-16 broke away and started moving northward. Some Internet websites have suggested that the Japanese Mafia is using a Cold War Era Iceberg Control Machine to break away ginormous icebergs and steer them towards the United States in retaliation for the bombing of Hiroshima. No Japanese Mafia members responded to a request to be interviewed for this article.
In a case of not "using your powers for goodness and niceness," scientists have created pigs that are rich in omega-3 fatty acids.
I'm just going to pause and let that sink in.
It's my guess here (and yes, this is only a guess) that a bunch of men were behind this. Only men would look at a pig, realize that it's not exactly the healthiest food, and instead of just giving up on eating pigs would decide to experiment on pigs in an attempt to make them healthier.
I guess one day you'll be able to have your pig and eat it too. (Sorry, had to be said.)
Disclaimer: If someone who was involved in this Frankenstein experiment well-meaning scientific endeavor is reading this, and is a woman, I fervently apologize. I got that whole men thing completely wrong then.
By now you've no doubt heard about the cruise ship fire that occurred today on the Star Princess. The ship was carrying 2,690 passengers and 1,123 crew for a total People Count of 3,813 assuming my math is good. Any fire on a ship of that size with that many people has the makings of a horrible disaster.
Unfortunately one passenger did die. Richard Liffidge, 75, of Georgia died after suffering cardiac arrest. I know the sentance you just read is a "statistic" but behind there is a widow and other family members who thought Richard was going on a wonderful vacation and now they're mourning his loss.
Although the cause of the fire is under investigation, many media outlets are reporting that it was started by a cigarette. That makes the whole thing even more tragic in my opinion. I'm staunching "anti-smoking" although I'm not suggesting we ban it or anything. (I'm well aware of the slippery slope that one starts sliding down when that is done.) However there's really little that can be said in smoking's defense. A question I have that I can't find in any of the articles (and this really annoys me because you would think it's a journalism 101 thing) is what sort of sprinkler system do these boats have? From the looks of the damage caused by one cigarette I'd say not much of a system:
Mayor Ray Nagin has given the all clear to allow people to rebuild in New Orleans. CNN has an article here. I suppose the controversial part of what he had to say is that New Orleans will allow people to rebuild anywhere in the city, even if it's an area that's vulnerable to flooding. In other words, some parts of the city are probably likely to be re-flooded if there's ever another hurricane hit. New Orleans is saying they won't stop people from building (or rebuilding) there. (In fact, the Mayor notes that some neighborhoods will be vulnerable for two years while repairs are still being made.)
I have mixed feelings about this. I'm all for the free market and people having the freedom to do what they want with their resources. So in that respect, I can understand the decision to let them rebuild there if they want to. However, the practical side of me wants to fly down there and shake somebody. Having a home on the coast below sea level is one thing; rebuilding your flooded home on the coast below sea level seems to be inviting disaster. And if someone does rebuild in a vulnerable area, should insurance be mandatory? What if they can't afford insurance? Should the government (local, state or federal) provide any assistance to someone who rebuilds in a vulnerable area and gets hit again?
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This is the conclusion of the story of my greatest Christmas present ever, which should be depicted at right if my finely-honed HTML skills haven't failed me. Much to my surprise, Christmas morning I received a very cool print-out of what my Christmas present would look like - a personalized license plate - as the plate was on order and we weren't sure if the department of motor and super-hero vehicles would be able to deliver. They came through just recently, and I think it's fantastic. I've never had a personalized plate before, although I always read with envy things like "BOVINE2" and "IMAGDMN", whatever those mean.
There's two words you probably didn't think you'd see together today. A tropical cyclone (a.k.a. Hurricane) named Gonu is heading for Oman, and then on to Iran. Not only is that fairly unusual, but the cyclone has reached the equivalent strength of a category 5 storm, although it's let off a bit of steam since doing so and is currently category 4. (Still the strongest in that area of the world in modern history.)
The Waycross Fire is about 70% contained now, but the weather (see right) won't be helping the battle at all, at least not for the next few days. The fire has burned 82,000 acres, making it the largest in Georgia history. You can 
Okay, so I took Alert Salad Consumer Tammy out to dinner last night where she had a, well, salad. I had the hot turkey sandwich - you know, some hot turkey, stuffing, bread, mashed potatoes - which was quite tasty but about three-quarters through the meal I realized that I hadn't portioned each side dish properly and I was going to end the meal with left over stuffing! Ahhh! Then I realized that it was probably strange that I had to take bites of each of the different sides at a time. THEN I realized that I did this with most of my meals. Which 
Sometimes you read something so horrible you want to find someone to shake until they give you some answers. But this story may not have any answers.
Alert Reader and First Time Emailer* Brian pointed out 
I appreciate the effort here, really. I know everyone is working as hard as possible. But I have to say I'm a little disappointed. 
Before I begin I have a confession to make. I have not seen either of the two aired episodes of American Idol, except for a short part walking through the room wherein Alert Viewer Tammy (who may or may not be my wife, but certainly is my idol) was watching. That said (and confessed) I read this article with some interest: 
The governator has asked the federal government for disaster aid in the aftermath of four days (nights) of freezing weather, which now is estimated to have caused nearly $1 billion (with a B) dollars in losses to crops, particularly citrus. Hardest hit were oranges, lemons and tangerines. Bananas, which are rumored to be used in the making of banana juice, were apparently spared.
CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) has successfully 
But this post is about the first kind of scream, which is "The Scream." "
First I want to let everyone know up front that I can not type "almanac" without a great deal of effort. Whenever I have to type that word it almost always ends up "alamanac." So, you were warned.
Sometimes...the posts just write themselves.
This post is dedicated to Alert Reader Susan, who can spot a typo at sixty paces, and Alert Reader Beth, who I understand is not an English Teacher.
