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Main
I bookmarked this article a while ago hoping to get back to it in a more timely fashion, but I was jumped by a ruthless gang of rodeo clowns and have spent the last few weeks driving a small rainbow-colored rodeo clown car while rodeo clowns jump in and out, spraying seltzer and pelting me with pies. Where was I? Oh, the aliens.
'Aliens Are My Brother' is the name of an article in the Vatican newspaper by the Pope's chief astronomer wherein he says intelligent beings created by God may exist elsewhere. I'm not sure what's more unbelievable here: that the Pope has a chief astronomer, or that the Vatican has a newspaper.
If you think about this for a few minutes, you'll probably ask yourself some of the questions that I'm asking myself: Does the Vatican paper have an online edition? Is there a comics section? If so, does it reprint Marmaduke? And how likely is it that there are really aliens working on the Vatican newspaper (maybe at the sports desk?)
Update: On a fluke I searched on Google for Vatican Newspaper English Edition and, well, there you go.
 For some reason, I have never really paused to consider whether cows belch or not. In fact, I don't think I've stopped to consider whether or not any animals belch, with the possible exception of human beings, whom I think belch occasionally. But now a Swedish University is getting more than $500,000 to study the release of "greenhouse gases" when cows belch*.
How many cows can you study for $500k? About 20. Apparently when cows eat their food their digestive system releases methane. This methane can apparently travel up ("belch") or travel down ("unmentionable"). This study only looks at the up part. It is in no way funded by TUMS, as far as anyone knows.
Methane will be measured by a "collar device." The cows will be fed different diets, such as grass, cow food, Entenmann's Gluten Cookies, and beer. It's not clear what will happen to the cows after the study, or what will happen to cows globally if it's found that cows belch so much methane gas that the planet will be a seared desert in ten years.
Cow futures were unaffected at the time of this writing**.
*Belch = burp.
** Okay I didn't check that, but I did have cow for lunch.
Caption: A researcher holds a new contact lens with circuits. Credit: University of Washington A first step towards super vision - and hopefully heat vision - has been created by engineers at the University of Washington. They've taken a flexible, biologically safe contact lens and imprinted electronic circuit and lights on it which when worn could superimpose a digital display over what the wearer would normally see.
The applications of such a device are huge. Finally, human beings would be able to watch Desperate Housewives no matter where they were. Men could see football every waking (eye-opened) moment. It's really Brave New World type stuff. "I'm sorry, what did you say honey? My contacts got stuck on ESPN again..."
Here's a link to a more in-depth announcement via EurekAlert, which talks about how the technology has been tested. (Hint, it hasn't been tested on humans or mice.) If you had to pick one animal to accidentally give heat vision to, which would it be?
Alert Reader Wendy points me to this article that may document the opening salvo of an alien attack: Mystery illness strikes after meteorite hits Peruvian village.
Apparently a meteorite crashed in all its fiery glory in souther Peru, and then villagers developed a mysterious illness. Residents have complained of headaches and vomiting brought on by a "strange odor." Of course, a synonym for strange is "alien," so what we have here is an illness caused by an "alien odor." Seven policemen were among those who were sickened.
No word on what was found in the meteorite crater, although "boiling water started coming out of the crater and particles of rock and cinders were found nearby." No word of an alien space ship or little smelly aliens or anything like that.
Amateur astronomers are pretty sure the meteorite came from the constellation Big Boötes, which as we all know is the site of the alien UFO Universe Freeway Entrance.
Did you know that you're hogging up all of the plants? A new "study" has concluded that mankind - human beings - people, no less - represent just one of the millions of species on Earth, yet mankind - people, even - use up 24% of the energy captured by plants. This would be energy from the sun, I suppose. An agriculture professor at the University of Melbourne, Snow Barlow, was quoted as saying:
"Here we are, just one species on the earth, and we're grabbing a quarter of the renewable resources … we're probably being a bit greedy."
Normally my acerbic wit wouldn't fail me in this sort of a situation, but I am honestly speechless. You can read the article here. The entire study should be published sometime today. Curious about Snow Barlow? You can read all about him here, or drop him an email.
The UK Meteorological Office is issuing a first-ever hurricane prediction, calling for only ten more named storms (for a total of 12 this season). This is far than more U.S. groups are calling for, if you recall my earlier chart. The average prediction there is 14.9 storms, although nine-tenths of a storm doesn't sound very bad.
So why the big difference? The UK researchers claim their methodology is "more advanced," using fancy-shmancy computer simulations of the atmosphere and oceans, as opposed to the complex dart-throwing methods of U.S. researchers. The UK researchers claim their computer ("Hal") shows a cooling of ocean waters, which would mean less storm development and the Global Warming heralded End of Everything As We Know It.*
The Atlantic hurricane seasons officially runs through the end of November.
AP Article on British Prediction
*Okay I made that up.
I mentioned in the earlier Hurricane 2007 post that there are a number of researchers looking at the impending Atlantic Hurricane Season and making public their official guesses carefully considered and researched forecasts. University of Central Florida researcher Mark Johnson and his Georgia colleague Chuck Watson have put together some interesting research based on:
1. Analysis of statistical models of storm paths from the past 155 years
2. Analysis of models using the climate conditions for January through May '07 (that further compute the climate conditions for the rest of the year)
3. A 10-year body of work on probability analyses for hurricanes
The UCF has a press release here about it.
Here's one of the many graphics that they've published:
Shown: individual counties' risks of hurricane-force winds 2007 compared to a normal year. ©Mark Johnson, UCF, and Chuck Watson, Kinetic Analysis Corp.
This study suggests that the Gulf Coast is under the gun, which is similar to AccuWeather.com's conclusion. You'll note, looking at the map above, that Disney World is in the "Much Above Normal" area. They may have gotten wind (sorry) of my possible trip to the Magic Kingdom.
The website of Mark Johnson and Chuck Watson, Watson Technical Consulting, can be found here.
Cassini took some fascinating video of a "hurricane-like" vortex located at Saturn's south pole. You can find a quicktime version here and an mpeg version here. NASA has an article here.
The storm has winds estimated at 350 miles per hour. Cloud heights are estimated at 20 to 45 miles, if I read that right, and the storm is about 5,000 miles across. When you study the imagery it's amazing how similar this is to a hurricane: you can see the storm "bands," an "eye-like feature" and even Floridians boarding up their homes.
Here's an image that was created from the video data that Cassini captured:
Image details.
That would be Secretary Lawrence M. Small, the top dog at the Smithsonian Institution. I bet you didn't know that the Smithsonian Institution had a top dog, did you?
Far be it from me to question anyone's spending habits, because really you just don't know until the foot is in the other shoe, but Sec. Small has resigned amid some questions about his expenses. Apparently an audit was conducted which uncovered $90,000 in "unauthorized expenses," including private jet travel and expensive gifts.
In addition to this $90,000 in unauthorized expenses, Small has charged the Smithsonian over $1.1 million for the use of his home since 2000. I really have no idea what that means. I think it means that the Smithsonian Institution has been staying with Sec. Small, drinking all of his beer and leaving the toilet seat up. Some of the housing expenses included $273,000 for "housekeeping." But, really, if this is over six years then that's only $45,500 a year, which is only $125 a day, and where can you find good housekeeping nowadays for less than $125? Well, okay, I would clean his house for about $115 a day, but I'd be losing money on the deal let me tell you.
You can find the article here.
Smithsonian PR
Alert Reader Jon gave me the idea for this graphic, which is a follow-up to my graphic with the sun and the earth:
This graphic shows how big the Earth is compared to people, people being human beings like you and me. According to a source that may or may not be Wikipedia, the radius of the earth is 3,963.18 miles, give or take (depending on how you define "Earth radius.") That's a diameter of about 42 million feet. The average human (depicted in silhouette fashion, above, casually fleeing from some global warming) is about 6 feet on a good day. I mean, if he was laying down not six feet in diameter.
Put another way, let's assume the average human is a pixel, like the little white dot in the upper left area of the graphic. The Earth would then be 6,975,212 pixels wide, or would require almost 7,000 monitors set to 1024 pixel resolution to display its width in entirety.
Now, go back to the handy Earth-Sun chart with all of this in mind and take another look at the dot of the Earth, and the Big Yellow Sun behind it. At this point you will either yawn or your brain will melt. Now I'm not trying to say that your light bulbs aren't causing a serious problem or anything, nor am I saying that the Sun is warming the Earth. (I just like drawing figures that involve circles and average humans.)
 In what can only be described as some sort of marketing brilliance, a Sydney Australia-based company is selling carbon credits that can be used to offset flatulence. That means passing gas. As in, the digestive sense. You can find out more about Easy Being Green here.
I believe this is how the program works (based on a cursory read):
1. You have an uncle. His name is Pete and he is very, very, stinky (and actually quite proud of it.)
2. You, being the environmentally-conscious person that you are, are quite concerned about Pete's effect on climate change. I mean, it happens after every meal! Ugh.
3. You decide to purchase a Flatulence Offsetting Gift Card in Uncle Pete's name.
4. Easy Being Green takes your money (gladly, I assume) and puts it towards installing more efficient, more "green" technology in homes. Or, they use the money to book a flight out to Pete's and plug him up. Or give him some Beano. You know, whatever it takes. Stop eating that Broccoli Pete you're killing the planet!
So I hope that clears that up. Now, you might be thinking that you can purchase this sort of thing as a joke. I'm sure that was not why it was invented, but there are few things as amusing as sending a Flatulence Offsetting Gift Card to your favorite meteorologist.
National Geographic has the scoop here.
 Alert Reader and First Time Emailer* Brian pointed out this fascinating article at National Geographic that suggests that the sun may be heating the Earth. The sun (to review) is a large solar body (sort of like a star) that revolves around our planet once a year**. Apparently when the sun is not busy revolving around the Earth (the other 364 days a year, naturally) it is busy revolving around other things, like Mars. Scientists have checked the temperature on Mars (during a recent period when Mars was revolving around the Earth) and discovered that it is warmer than the last time it revolved around the Earth, which was approximately three years ago.
The parallels between what is happening to Mars and what is happening to Earth are too amazing to be coincidental. For example, Mars's south pole made up of carbon dioxide "ice caps"*** is shrinking. On Earth, our "ice caps" are shrinking as well. On Mars, the polar bears are getting stranded on small carbon dioxide "ice floes"**** - on Earth, polar bears are boarding planes to Cleveland and Erie.
Are climate scientists convinced? The answer, in two words: No.
"This study is bunk," said one noted climatologist, who asked not to be named. "Everyone knows that the Sun only warms one planet in any given sun-cycle" Peter Boughton the unnamed climatologist added.
NASA is preparing a manned flight to the sun next year to conduct studies determined to answer the global warming question once and for all.
*That is to say, the first time Brian has emailed me. Not that Brian hasn't emailed other people long before this.
**At the risk of pointing out my own satire, yes, I know that the sun sometimes take more than a year to revolve around the Earth.
***The words used in the article. I would never call carbon dioxide "ice caps." That's just silly.
****Okay, sorry, that was me.
No not that kind stop that. Scientists in Russia took some Californium provided by American scientists and bombarded it with calcium and bad language until it turned into a brand-new element, number 118 (as it had 118 protons in its nucleus.) This would make it an inert gas - the first man-made inert gas in the periodic-table-of-elements sense. Apparently it only lasted a milisecond, before it decayed into element 114, then 112, then it split in half, and then it disappeared entirely due to embarassment.
Apparently element 118 has a sordid past.
You can find the article at LiveScience.
 A miner from the Mexican state of Chiapas found what could be the world's oldest frog: a 0.4" frog encased completely in amber, found in deposits that date back 25,000,000 years. National Geographic has the story here.
People are already talking about whether there might be any recoverable DNA from the sample, a la Jurassic Park, that could be used to make a new frog. Personally, I wish there was, and we went ahead and did, only to find out that this frog was a baby frog, and the real frog when fully grown was 50' tall. Because that would be really cool - a 50' tall 25,000,000 year-old frog.
Sigh.
 Blog Hero presents the "Are You a Scientist" Quiz of the (Insert reasonable time period here). Take a look at the picture at right, and then, answer the question below:
After careful studying of the picture at right, you are convinced that the object you see is:
A. Sand
B. Food
A. A rock
B. A sandy-colored rock
C. A fossil
D. A sandy-colored fossil
E. An ancient bludgeoning weapon used to break small walnuts, tenderize meat and settle arguments in the cave
F. Sandy-colored food
G. The bone of an ancient dinosaur who, while living, was colored bright green with red polka dots.
H. A knife.
Well, the scientifically minded among you obviously chose "H. A knife." (I picked "sandy-colored food" proving once again I'm not scientifically-minded. More lunch-minded, I guess.) You can read all about this "knife" here at National Geographic.
He was in Montana.
There's an interesting article here in Cosmos Magazine describing the current hunt for the Higgs boson, which is sometimes called the "God Particle." I think it's called that because God created it to give Physicists something to hunt for, because when you read anything about the Higgs boson you find out that it's a very small, tiny, more-or-less made up might-not-even-exist particle that (possibly) accounts for matter having mass. It should be noted that the Higgs boson will NOT explain:
1. Why you are here
2. Why Twinkies® explode in a microwave after only 22 seconds*
3. Why Giant Purple Space Potatoes are attacking not attacking China
4. Why I can't order a hamburger without cheese
In any event, the article in Cosmos Magazine explains that Europeans are only months away from turning on the world's most powerful atom smasher. It is apparently the size of Bulgaria.** When they turn this thing on, protons (which are fairly small) will streak around in a circle with energies "of up to 14 trillion electron volts." First, I want to comment that if we can make protons run around in circles with energies of up to 14 trillion electron volts, then what in the world am I doing paying the price I am for gasoline? Second, I want to comment that I really don't understand what 14 trillion means. Is that before or after kajillion?
I think this is a great time for the Blog Hero to get in his culture fix:
What will we get when we turn on the World's Largest Atom Smasher and collide protons with "energies of up to 14 trillion electron volts?" I can't say, really, but I hope I've stocked up on Twinkies that day.
*Blog Hero does not endorse the needless microwaving of Golden-Delicious Twinkies® and Blog Hero wishes to state that no Creme-Filled (Golden-Delicious) Twinkies® were harmed in writing of this post. Except for that one I ate but it had been naughty.
**Okay, not so much.
 Dr. Heidi Cullen and that channel about weather have finally responded to the firestorm that was created with her December 21 blog post. You can find a video here, and her blog response here. Having just posted about language and how choices of words and phrases can say so much, I found the video fascinating.
In the video, Dr. Cullen makes the point that that channel about weather has not chosen a political side in the global warming debate, and that there isn't any sort of political agenda. But the video ends with an ad (which I've screen-captured at right) that states:
"Will Pres. Bush save the polar bears?"
Now, I love polar bears. Some of my best friends are polar bears. In fact, a polar bear pulled me out of burning wreckage when my plane was shot down over 'Nam*. I also love President Bush, who pulled me out of a burning polar bear when I was shot down over the San Diego Zoo back in '86**. But to me, the question "Will Pres. Bush save the polar bears?" is a political question. It speaks to the inherent tension in the global warming debate where policy decisions reflect (to some) priorities on the environment, global warming and polar bears. I haven't watched this particular episode and probably won't, but it's hard to believe there are no politics involved here.
Agree? Disagree? Bored? Want to hear what happened after the polar bears pulled me out of the burning wreckage and took me into their home? Leave a comment!
*Okay, maybe I made that up.
**Okay, not so much.
Blogger's Note: The above comments do not reflect the views of AccuWeather, any particular AccuWeather Meteorologist, that channel about weather, polar bears, aircraft manufacturers or the San Diego Zoo, which actually is a terribly nice place to visit although I wouldn't recommend getting shot down over it particularly over the polar bear exhibit as they're awfully testy about that sort of thing particularly right before feeding, or the Japanese Mafia. Thank you.
Interesting Side Note: Should Side Note be hyphenated? Like Side-Note. I don't think so (Susan?) but if so I apologize to all of the people in the audience who just cringed and sort of shook in an uncontrolled manner. Anyway, my side...note: This page mentions that Dr. Cullen first got a bachelor's degree in Near Eastern religions and history from Juniata College before going on to engineering and operations research and then climate variability. That's an interesting evolution, from Near Eastern religions to climate variability. (Sort of like "anything at all" to "blogger".)
He was found dead, unfortunately. Fossils were recently discovered in Spain that researchers believe belong to one of the largest dinosaurs - and the largest found in Europe so far - ever. Turiasaurus riodevensis would have been 30 to 37 metres long, and would have weighed between 40 and 48 tonnes. Or, in Bizarre American Units that would be 120 feet long and 105,821.886 pounds (give or take.)
Based on the fossils uncovered, as well as some detailed photographs found in his wallet, researchers were able to work with forensic artists to create the following picture of the great beast:
You'll see that the Death Star has been inserted next to the dinosaur to give you an idea of its size. It should be noted that no actual Death Star has (yet) been found in Spain.
You can read all of the real news here at the BBC.
While that title could refer to my own inability to cook even after [age redacted] years, I'm instead referring to the mass extinctions predicted because of the global warming thing. Laura has a good post here about the coming (occurring?) extinctions. My question is - why don't we see any species evolving instead of just dying? If climate changes like the one we're apparently in are enough to kill off whole species, wouldn't you think that by now, after quintillions of years, that the Earth would be completely empty? I'm assuming that we're had climate switches (even more dramatic) than this one in the past. I'm just dying to see a frog develop built-in air conditioning, or heat vision, or what have you.
And, to make this post only slightly more controversial: How about that O.J.?
 CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) has successfully powered up the world's largest superconducting magnet. It's 110 tons, 16' wide and 82' long. I don't know if you can see him, but there's a guy in the photo at right.
The magnet will smash protons together. Although I know very little about physics, I'm always amazed when I read these sorts of things. I mean, just think about that for a second. They're going to smash protons together.
While this is apparently the largest superconducting magnet, the title of today's post harkens back to an old episode of Get Smart, wherein Siegfried had created the "Maxi-Magnet" - a super powerful magnet that was going to be used to attract and ground an entire fleet of ships on a fake floating island which would then sink. The island, ironically enough, was the same set used for Gilligan's Island. (Max ended up defeating the Maxi-Magnet with a more powerful, small watch-sized magnet - the "Mini-Magnet.")
The magnet is called the "Barrel Toroid." I looked up "Toroid" in the dictionary and it said the following:
toroid: a surface generated by a closed plane curve rotated about a line that lies in the same plane as the curve but does not intersect it
I thought about that for fifteen minutes and I think I almost had it, but then my brain melted.
If not, definitely a sign of, you know, the chapters right before the end. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't covered in Henry's my nemesis' blog: "Plan to create human-cow embryos". Isn't this how most sci-fi/horror movies start out? You're introduced to a group of people. Most of them have obvious character defects that cause you to hate them almost immediately. One or two of them seem nice enough, and probably say early in the movie, "No! Mixing cows and humans can only result in a genetic mutant Cowman abomination that will surely destroy us all!" Of course, they won't be heeded. And the scientists will go on to make the Cowman, which will turn out to be a genetic mutant abomination that will destroy the entire cast except for the one or two sympathetic characters. In the end, the cowman will be killed...or, will he? What's that rising from the fog-enshrouded, muck-encrusted swamp? Is it...yes! A bovine hoof thrusts out of the water!
Fade to black. Start filming Cowman 2: Udder Death.
There's an interesting article making the rounds about the hole in the ozone layer. For the uninitiated, the atmosphere is made up of layers - the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere, thermosphere, caramelosphere, nougatosphere and creamy milk chocolatosphere. Somewhere between the caramel and nougat is the ozone layer, a special layer of the atmosphere that contains ozone particles designed to keep the caramel from inappropriately mixing with the nougat. Ozone is actually a nerdish version of oxygen. Most oxygen runs around in pairs, but ozone is a sort of geeky-clique of three maladjusted oxygen atoms. I know all of this science stuff because my son is learning about Chemistry in home schooling this year so I read ahead in case he has any questions.
The ozone layer has been under attack by refrigerators since the 70s, when most humans adopted food-saving technology in order to keep their baloney good for more than three hours. Refrigerators release something called CFCs, which stand for "Ozone Destroying Particles." Since most refrigerators come from a giant manufacturing plant located in Antarctica, the largest hole has formed above that continent. Destruction of the ozone layer would be catastrophic, because the nougat would run into the caramel and turn into a sticky mess that would raise everyone's blood sugar and cause unprecedented obesity.
Five billion articles (give or take) appear via Google News for "ozone hole" tonight. An Official Story from the NASA site can be found here. The article itself is not dated, but if you refer to this page you can see that it's from October 20, or today. It talks about the record-breaking ozone hole.
Curiously, though, scientists are saying there is no reason for panic. For example, if you read this article from the Australian you'll see:
While the size of the hole is alarming, it does not mean that increased amounts of ozone-depleting chemicals are reaching the atmosphere, said Paul Lehmann with the Bureau of Meteorology Research Centre in Melbourne. "There is mounting evidence that the ozone is slowly recovering," he said.
So basically you had to get your panic out of the way back in the 70s, when the hole was tiny. Now that it's bigger than North America and we've gotten rid of all of our refrigerators there's no cause for panic.
I'm not sure what's going on, but I blame the Baloney Lobby.
Complicated diagram of the Ozone Situation. Source: NASA
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