Shortly after birth Carl was placed in a rocket and sent hurtling towards Earth from the doomed planet Krypton*. He crash-landed near a hospital in Rome, New York and was adopted by a family of Schaads as they saw great potential in him. There was also $143 units of Earth Money located in the rocket and a note that said "The adopters of this child will have great fortune; however, those finding this child and not adopting him will always wonder what Spectacular Powers he had, or will be cursed with mutton-chops, or both. Please Note: The child's name is ELVIS." The Schaads, not sure how to pronounce "ELVIS" named him Carlton in the hopes that he would one day become a C.E.O. or possibly even a doorman.

After years of getting beat up for being named Carlton, and years of being picked last for Dodgeball, Carlton dropped the ton and became simply "Carl." On his thirteenth birthday he was told about his trip from the doomed planet Krypton** and so began a personal quest to find his Spectacular Powers. His quest continues to this day, although he has successfully ruled out: Flying, (ouch) Super Strength, Stretching Arms to Twice Their Normal Length, Dashing at Super Speed, Dashing Good Looks, Talking to Understanding Fish, X-Ray Vision, Super Cold Freezing Breath, Shooting Quills From His Eyes, Turning Lead into Gold, Turning Platinum into Gold, Super Lotto Sense, Turning Plutonium into Gold, Melting Brains of People Taking Too Long in Bank Lines, Super Patience, Ability to Assume The Form of a Gigantic Puffin, Melting Brains of People Paying By Check in the Ten Items or Less Aisle, and the Ability to Digest Anything. While not super powers, Carl has discovered he has some modest abilities at web design, graphic design, writing semi-entertaining blog posts, and Finding The Coldest Most Undercooked Food at any Buffet. His search for super powers continues.

When not searching for super powers or working at the World's Largest Private Forecasting Company™ Carl fights a never-ending battle for cheeseless hamburgers. His arch enemy, Pimply-Faced Drive Thru Boy, continues to confound him with every order.

The Blog Hero, I mean Carl, lives in State College Pennsylvania with his lovely wife, who may or may not be Tammy, their two children Connor and Cassie and their brain-damaged cat, "Dog."

* No, the other doomed planet Krypton.

** No, the other doomed planet Krypton.